coffeegirl
New member
Not only do I have agoraphobia, but a good dose of other mental health issues as well. Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, and Bulimia/Anorexia all rolled up into one gigantic mess. That is how I sometimes feel about myself. I rarely tell others about the agoraphobia because not many understand it, and usually when one tries to explain it, they don't 'get it'. And, that is a place where I simply don't want to even go. So I don't. Even in an mental health screening the other day, I didn't disclose of it because I knew that the pdoc would see it on the records, and I didn't want to have the tdoc reviewing me ask- "Why?" with all of the other issues that went along with it.
The agoraphobia for me is on the back burner to some extent. I have been in therapy for it for about 4 years now. The therapy has been quite successful too, along with the medications that I take for it; Buspar and Lorezaphan and Wellbutrin. The therapist worked with me in doing cognative developmental projects so I would have to work in settings that were uncomfortable for myself, writing letters, journaling, and so forth. It all worked.
One of the biggest ones for me was going to Wal-Mart. I would be so distraught going to wal-mart (1 mile from my house) that I would get lost driving there and driving home to my house due to being so upset emotinoally/physically sick from the situation of the outing. Getting groceries or what not was petrifiying for me. Standing in line at the check out was pure hell, the longer i had to stand, the worse it got, more I would shake, more my heart would pound, and I would sweat. Sometimes I would even start to cry. The saddest thing: I had my two young sons with me at this time. And, they were not behaving well either. What a nightmare!
The tdoc had me start going to the store to get 4-10 items at a time later in the evening or early in the morning when no one would be at the store; the least busiest time for the store. I was more relaxed. I then became more comfortable. It started to feel more easy and relaxing, and then I didn't get lost going home and having less panic attacks at Wal-mart. Also, I didn't freak when driving over bridges either after this started to fall into place as well. Bridges were another fear I had. I couldn't cross over them in a car without shutting my eyes and crying. This didn't happen til I turned 30 years old. Why? I don't know. It happened after my dad passed away. I went down hill from there and after we adopted our children. Stress.
Now, I am doing better, able to shop in the malls and stores without feeling too overwhelmed. Crowds still freak me out though as they overwhelm me some. I still get upset when I have to pay for items at the check out.
Don't get me wrong. I spend 85-90% of my days hubbard in my home. I keep saying I'm going to do something, volunteer somewhere, etc. but I don't do it. I have no friends, or the ones I do, I never do anything with due to their schedules with work- and I dont't seem to care either. I get nervous going out with my friends too (we go out 3 times a year). I feel like a social misfit. My DH is a business executive and when I'm around the other wives I feel so insecure as they are all involved in charities, social clubs, etc.- not me; they are clueless.
I want to be free of this and live normally. I feel like life is passing me by. I can't stand to live like this. It really hurts. I've read many of your posts. Some of you are so stuck, and it hurts seeing you that way. I hope that my post can give you some hope that you can get through this with some therapy, and that the therapy and journaling does work. Just believe in it. There are going to be days where a person goes backwards- I still do. And, have weeks where I do; but far and few between from where I once was.
I struggle with getting out of the house at times too. My motivation for doing things stinks because I feel that I have no social life to live for. I have a family; but we need to have more than just a family to survive. Networking with others is important and my tdoc keeps preaching that to me. He is right.
Hang in there. Today is a new day for a new challenge. If the weather is good, try to venture out on the front porch for some sunshine. That is the big step that I do when it is nice. Going ot the gym is the hardest thing for me to do- and I've avoided that like the plague. Only, I know my doctor is going to make me go there sometime soon. So avoidance will not always win out. My DH told me that one. He is right.
Take care-
Coffeegirl
The agoraphobia for me is on the back burner to some extent. I have been in therapy for it for about 4 years now. The therapy has been quite successful too, along with the medications that I take for it; Buspar and Lorezaphan and Wellbutrin. The therapist worked with me in doing cognative developmental projects so I would have to work in settings that were uncomfortable for myself, writing letters, journaling, and so forth. It all worked.
One of the biggest ones for me was going to Wal-Mart. I would be so distraught going to wal-mart (1 mile from my house) that I would get lost driving there and driving home to my house due to being so upset emotinoally/physically sick from the situation of the outing. Getting groceries or what not was petrifiying for me. Standing in line at the check out was pure hell, the longer i had to stand, the worse it got, more I would shake, more my heart would pound, and I would sweat. Sometimes I would even start to cry. The saddest thing: I had my two young sons with me at this time. And, they were not behaving well either. What a nightmare!
The tdoc had me start going to the store to get 4-10 items at a time later in the evening or early in the morning when no one would be at the store; the least busiest time for the store. I was more relaxed. I then became more comfortable. It started to feel more easy and relaxing, and then I didn't get lost going home and having less panic attacks at Wal-mart. Also, I didn't freak when driving over bridges either after this started to fall into place as well. Bridges were another fear I had. I couldn't cross over them in a car without shutting my eyes and crying. This didn't happen til I turned 30 years old. Why? I don't know. It happened after my dad passed away. I went down hill from there and after we adopted our children. Stress.
Now, I am doing better, able to shop in the malls and stores without feeling too overwhelmed. Crowds still freak me out though as they overwhelm me some. I still get upset when I have to pay for items at the check out.
Don't get me wrong. I spend 85-90% of my days hubbard in my home. I keep saying I'm going to do something, volunteer somewhere, etc. but I don't do it. I have no friends, or the ones I do, I never do anything with due to their schedules with work- and I dont't seem to care either. I get nervous going out with my friends too (we go out 3 times a year). I feel like a social misfit. My DH is a business executive and when I'm around the other wives I feel so insecure as they are all involved in charities, social clubs, etc.- not me; they are clueless.
I want to be free of this and live normally. I feel like life is passing me by. I can't stand to live like this. It really hurts. I've read many of your posts. Some of you are so stuck, and it hurts seeing you that way. I hope that my post can give you some hope that you can get through this with some therapy, and that the therapy and journaling does work. Just believe in it. There are going to be days where a person goes backwards- I still do. And, have weeks where I do; but far and few between from where I once was.
I struggle with getting out of the house at times too. My motivation for doing things stinks because I feel that I have no social life to live for. I have a family; but we need to have more than just a family to survive. Networking with others is important and my tdoc keeps preaching that to me. He is right.
Hang in there. Today is a new day for a new challenge. If the weather is good, try to venture out on the front porch for some sunshine. That is the big step that I do when it is nice. Going ot the gym is the hardest thing for me to do- and I've avoided that like the plague. Only, I know my doctor is going to make me go there sometime soon. So avoidance will not always win out. My DH told me that one. He is right.
Take care-
Coffeegirl