Afraid of being in a relationship?

[nimrodel]

Sometimes I feel like I want one and other times, I think it's the last thing that I want. I was just wondering if anyone else is like this?

The pathetic thing is that when the opportunity comes up, I usually end up pushing the guy away and breaking everything off because I feel trapped and I'm positive I'll disappoint him or he'll be able to be happier with someone else. And when he finally does leave, I totally break down and can't stop thinking about him and wish he was back. Everyone around me is settling down and I have never felt so alone in my entire life. Do we really know what we want? Do people in relationships feel happy with the way things are or do they wish they were single? It's hard to achieve what you want in life when your wants keep changing. It's so frustrating!

 

[Thelema]

My biggest fear about being in a relationship is that I won't make the girl happy. Sometimes I think of how loney I am and if I only had a girlfriend...other times I'm glad I have my time to myself and can do what I want....Then I run out of meaningless things to do and think of how I want a girlfriend again :lol: I think that old saying "its better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all" is true and we just need to get our feet wet to get rid of the 'what if' kinds of questions.

 

[Hoosier]

pushing away

you are not the only one.. actually I thought I was the only one that felt this way.
my last successful relationship was 9 years ago. since then when I feel myself getting really attached I sabotage the relationship by finding things that I don't like about the person I'm with and literally picking them apart in my mind until I can justify backing out. I don't know if it the fear of accepting the feelings at the time, or realizing that there is the potential that someone else may end up depending on me.

Lately, my biggest cop-out for dating is "I can hardly take care of myself, what makes you think I can manage a relationship?" in reality I can for a while... until I panic.

 

[FaymeLevy]

sometimes i think that the root of my depression is that i've never been in a "real" relationship; but the fact of the matter is, i know i would never be able to maintain one, and probably would get annoyed that they were always in my business; i like keeping secrets too much lol

worse yet, i have a tendency to keep 1 friend at any given time, they become my best/only friend, then...i do something stupid, like fall for them. lol or once, they fell for me, and it scared me to death lol

much to my suprise, i do get asked out a couple times a year; its so embarassing when i tell them that i cant because i have SA. the good news is, lately, people have been understanding, much more than when i was a teenager, so its not quite as hard.

boy im rambling again..sorry lol

 

[Statie]

I think that even though I dont think Ive eve been in love it is almost always better to have someone to share your life with then to obsess about it alone. The important thing is that you are together for the right reason. Not just because you are lonely and dont want to be alone, but because you enjoy eachothers company (and bodies).

The odds are that youll end up going your separate ways in the end, but so what? That just shows that you shouldnt take the relationship so seriously to begin with. In the worst case scenario, you learn a lot about yourself and what you want in a gf/bf. I have a lot better memories of things Ive done with old girlfriends then I do of sitting at home doing whatever.

I think you have to be comfortable with yourself before you can share your life with others. Dont be as secretive and introverted as I have been in the past, its not healthy. Get out there and screw up and learn and laugh along the way.

 

[nimrodel]

I totally agree. I think a person has to be comfortable with and accept themselves for who they are before they can be in a relationship. For me, it's just as Hoosier described it. It's like.. I project my own insecurities and faults on the other person and just end up.. almost hating them when it's really myself that I dislike. And it's just the idea of doing everything with only one person and.. it must get a bit monotonous and annoying after a while. Although maybe this means that I'm just not ready/mature enough and don't want it enough.

 

[jennn]

i'm having the same problem now too... i've never had a boyfriend and barely have dated but there's a guy who i'm seeing that keeps saying how he feels and I can't seem to reciprocate the right way. I'm sort of pushing him away even though i don't want to, and i'm afraid he'll get tired of it.

but when i try to be honest, i just get embarassed. i don't know what's wrong with me, or if i'm even capable of being in a relationship. sometimes i think it's too much trouble. maybe it's laziness?

 

[LittleMissScareAll]

I'm afraid of being hurt...therefore afraid of being in a relationship. Cause I always get hurt, especially the more I like somebody...the more I like them, the bigger chance they'll end up absolutely hating me.

 

[eggbe4thechicken]

i'm 18 and i've never been asked out. i think that this may be partly what is causing my SA and therefore depression. I don't like what i see in the mirror, or my personality, so when i talk to guys i find it very difficult to make conversation because i'm really worried about saying something stupid, and boring, and also constantly wondering why they are talking to me, what is their motive, you know?
If ever a guy liked me, i have no idea how i would deal with that, no doubt it wouldn't last very long, especially not being able to have a conversation.

 

[of_darkness]

i'm afraid of just being clueless. i'd have no idea how to react to anything, or what to do next in a reltaionship, but till i've actually been in one, i'll never really know.

recently such a stupid unlucky thing happened to me, it was the closest i've ever got to being in a relationship so far (i'm 17). Me, my 2 closest friends (i can actually talk quite a bit more to them) and a girl (who one of them asked out..us too for some resason) went to see a film, etc. But a few days later i was told that she actually fancied me, so she got my email address and we talked quite a bit, i did actually think she was nice. If she was the one fancying me, and i thought she was pretty good loking too, it would have been such a good situation for me to be in, i knew it was too good to be true....
a bit later my other friend we went with told me he was going out with her, which was a bit blunt....so i just thought she'd forgotten about me or something, but about a week later, he actually told me she had mixed our names up when talking to the one she was originally supposed to be dating in the first place before this mess happened...i still don't know how i should have reacted, i managed to hide my emotions, now he thinks its fine, they're together now.

I just don't get how such a wrong thing can happen. I felt so good, like i'd actually done something right, but it just disappeared. instantly. I had no part in one sigle bit of that, i was basically walked straight over. i havent spoken to her since, i'm not sure i could..

has anything like that happened to any of you? i think i'm really not ready for a relationship, maybe that was just a lucky escape, i dunno. If i ever find a girl who really understands me...that'll be amazing.

 

[maggie]

Sometimes I feel like I want one and other times, I think it's the last thing that I want. I was just wondering if anyone else is like this?

The pathetic thing is that when the opportunity comes up, I usually end up pushing the guy away and breaking everything off because I feel trapped and I'm positive I'll disappoint him or he'll be able to be happier with someone else. And when he finally does leave, I totally break down and can't stop thinking about him and wish he was back. Everyone around me is settling down and I have never felt so alone in my entire life. Do we really know what we want? Do people in relationships feel happy with the way things are or do they wish they were single? It's hard to achieve what you want in life when your wants keep changing. It's so frustrating!

main thing that scares me about being in a relationship..is all the social stuff that comes along with it :roll:

 

[Chriswinnipeg]

I feel the same I sometimes love to have a relationship but im so so terrified that my partner will be controlling or leave me for not introducing them to family gatherings. I feel would feel trapped sometimes if i was in a relationship. Sometimes I'm dying for a relationship sometimes I'm scared of be in one.

 

[CarGuy406]

Like someone else said, my main worry is making the other person happy, money wise ect.

My last relationship ended basicly because my SA took over and I couldnt hold a job....yeah I still feel guilty about that every day and still struggle with it but what do you do ya know.

I have a really hard time trusting females now because I've gotton screwed twice now because of something I can't help, in my opinion, most girls (and guys) can't be trusted, atleast from what I've experienced.

The good one's are very hard to find so if you got one, KEEP HIM/HER!

-Chris

 

[Emma]

I can't be in a relationship with anyone, I don't trust anyone, because I know I will only be hurt because I can't stand up for myself

 

[greengirl]

i know that when i'm in a relationship i always think that the guy would be better off with someone else, that i don't make him happy, that i'm not good enough. for nearly a year i haven't been in a relationship because i can't cope with all the pressures that it brings. i feel how a lot of you feel to be honest.

 

[Chrysta]

I'm sixteen and have never really been even close to a relationship with a guy at all. I am scared of the social obligations being in a relationship will create. And I'm afraid that because I enjoy being alone that I won't be able to mantain a relationship because I want too much space. I also have no clue what I am supposed to do in a relationship because I have never been in one, and I'm scared that they guy will think I'm stupid, or give up because I won't have sex with him right away. I am also self conscience about people touching me. I feel like I should just wait until I am an adult close to my twenties because most teenage boys my age and even a few years older just don't have the brains and personality that a little more maturity would give them. I basically feel sometimes like because there is only going to be a very limited choice on 'the one' for me that I should just screw dating because the relationship is always going to end anyway... if you get what I mean. *sigh*