anxiousmess
Well-known member
Hello everyone
First of all, my apologies for being away from the forum for quite a while. It's been a rough last six months especially after losing my mum. But I am getting through it.
Quite a while ago, I posted a thread about being in love with one of the service user's I support. Here is the original post
"Hi all
Please I would prefer no judgements. But I know some people are going to be honest.
I realized today that I am in love with one of my clients.
They have always been an isolated person since I started my job two (now three years ago). Has had severe panic attacks outside which prevents them from attending outside activities. Especially as they are a young person who is living within my care home I am working in. They shouldn't be living there and will eventually be moved out. One of the conditions for them to live there is to attend more activities outside. They are now going out more and I have been determined to help them to get out more. Slowly over the two years, we have managed to grow a bond. We have been talking and I have been encouraging them which has finally paid off. They are going out more now. These days, it usually takes me to go with them to go out. They will make plans with the other staff but once the anxiety kicks in, they bail out and won't go. But if they makes plans with me, they will go.
They have always been able to confide in me with concerns and things they don't feel they can talk to the other staff about.
I have always felt this pull towards them. They would tell me about their past, and their life. I really enjoyed talking to them because I found them interesting. I wanted to care but at the beginning I kept in the back of my mind, that I am doing a job and I have to maintain being professional. But over time, that slipped away.
It's hard to explain and I really don't know how I managed to do more than I should be doing in my job. But I feel in the time that we have developed a bond, there is love on both sides. We find ourselves wanting to be with each other all the time even when he has a medical appointments. When I do go with them, they have anxiety and I find myself wanting to comfort them, even if that is cuddling hands for reassurance for him. We feel happy when we are around each other. Like we bring out the best in each other.
Today they went to get a tooth taken out. I went with them. The doctors gave them something which caused them to be drowsy. They acted like they was drunk. They was really relaxed and laughing. They opened up by saying they feel like life isn't worth living sometimes. By the amount of homes they have lived in and taken out off, they feel no one wants them. I don't know why but the words came out of my mouth and I told them, they were wrong and I want them. On the way back, I held on to them because they were still drowsy. But I found myself not wanting to let them go and I wanted to keep them safe.
A new member of staff has just joined the service and they has noticed some of this situation. They sat me down and asked me, what the relationship is between me and the client? I have reassured them that nothing physical has or nor will happen between myself and the client. But there are feelings for each other on both sides. They warned me to be careful because I am supposed to be doing a professional job. Talking to the new staff helped me to realize the truth depth of the situation. I have jumped in without realizing or thinking that caring for someone could lead somewhere else.
I know I am in the wrong. I know I have allowed myself to over step that line when I should have backed away. I have abused my job and overstepped the boundaries. Right now I am strongly thinking about giving in my resignation because I have done wrong. I know it happens where patients fall in love with their carers and vice versa. But that is no excuse for me here.
I am planning to leave my job. I find myself sad for even leaving them behind. I don't want to lose contact with them.
Gosh, what a mess!"
Well that was written a year ago. Between then, I distanced myself from the client for a long time. Limited interaction and kept my focus on getting a new job. The other staff left the service. But then I was put their main carer and I agreed to do so. Thinking I could approach it professionally. Which I did. I found it hard but I maintained my distance, etc. The person went through some difficulties and I tried to be there for them professionally even during the times when I saw them cry. The client's progress has really reached towards better recovery.
I recently lost my mum and took some time off from work. I found I didn't want to talk about it to anyone. I just wanted to get back to normal and carry on. The client learnt about my mum and was extremely eager to be there for me. I found myself opening up to my loved ones and found myself dealing with my mum's passing. I found this person gave me the confidence to dealing with my mum's passing.
Now this person has been offered a flat of their own and they will be eventually moving out from our care. Once we have helped them to settle in, they will no longer be in our care. When I found out, the person will be moving out. I was very heartbroken. But at the same time, I was happy because I want them to be happy and to have their own life.
The client wants to maintain a friendship i.e. talking via phone and visits. I'm unsure if this is allowed despite leaving our care. I feel as though I am going to lose my best friend. I know I have over stepped the boundaries etc.
Still a mess.
First of all, my apologies for being away from the forum for quite a while. It's been a rough last six months especially after losing my mum. But I am getting through it.
Quite a while ago, I posted a thread about being in love with one of the service user's I support. Here is the original post
"Hi all
Please I would prefer no judgements. But I know some people are going to be honest.
I realized today that I am in love with one of my clients.
They have always been an isolated person since I started my job two (now three years ago). Has had severe panic attacks outside which prevents them from attending outside activities. Especially as they are a young person who is living within my care home I am working in. They shouldn't be living there and will eventually be moved out. One of the conditions for them to live there is to attend more activities outside. They are now going out more and I have been determined to help them to get out more. Slowly over the two years, we have managed to grow a bond. We have been talking and I have been encouraging them which has finally paid off. They are going out more now. These days, it usually takes me to go with them to go out. They will make plans with the other staff but once the anxiety kicks in, they bail out and won't go. But if they makes plans with me, they will go.
They have always been able to confide in me with concerns and things they don't feel they can talk to the other staff about.
I have always felt this pull towards them. They would tell me about their past, and their life. I really enjoyed talking to them because I found them interesting. I wanted to care but at the beginning I kept in the back of my mind, that I am doing a job and I have to maintain being professional. But over time, that slipped away.
It's hard to explain and I really don't know how I managed to do more than I should be doing in my job. But I feel in the time that we have developed a bond, there is love on both sides. We find ourselves wanting to be with each other all the time even when he has a medical appointments. When I do go with them, they have anxiety and I find myself wanting to comfort them, even if that is cuddling hands for reassurance for him. We feel happy when we are around each other. Like we bring out the best in each other.
Today they went to get a tooth taken out. I went with them. The doctors gave them something which caused them to be drowsy. They acted like they was drunk. They was really relaxed and laughing. They opened up by saying they feel like life isn't worth living sometimes. By the amount of homes they have lived in and taken out off, they feel no one wants them. I don't know why but the words came out of my mouth and I told them, they were wrong and I want them. On the way back, I held on to them because they were still drowsy. But I found myself not wanting to let them go and I wanted to keep them safe.
A new member of staff has just joined the service and they has noticed some of this situation. They sat me down and asked me, what the relationship is between me and the client? I have reassured them that nothing physical has or nor will happen between myself and the client. But there are feelings for each other on both sides. They warned me to be careful because I am supposed to be doing a professional job. Talking to the new staff helped me to realize the truth depth of the situation. I have jumped in without realizing or thinking that caring for someone could lead somewhere else.
I know I am in the wrong. I know I have allowed myself to over step that line when I should have backed away. I have abused my job and overstepped the boundaries. Right now I am strongly thinking about giving in my resignation because I have done wrong. I know it happens where patients fall in love with their carers and vice versa. But that is no excuse for me here.
I am planning to leave my job. I find myself sad for even leaving them behind. I don't want to lose contact with them.
Gosh, what a mess!"
Well that was written a year ago. Between then, I distanced myself from the client for a long time. Limited interaction and kept my focus on getting a new job. The other staff left the service. But then I was put their main carer and I agreed to do so. Thinking I could approach it professionally. Which I did. I found it hard but I maintained my distance, etc. The person went through some difficulties and I tried to be there for them professionally even during the times when I saw them cry. The client's progress has really reached towards better recovery.
I recently lost my mum and took some time off from work. I found I didn't want to talk about it to anyone. I just wanted to get back to normal and carry on. The client learnt about my mum and was extremely eager to be there for me. I found myself opening up to my loved ones and found myself dealing with my mum's passing. I found this person gave me the confidence to dealing with my mum's passing.
Now this person has been offered a flat of their own and they will be eventually moving out from our care. Once we have helped them to settle in, they will no longer be in our care. When I found out, the person will be moving out. I was very heartbroken. But at the same time, I was happy because I want them to be happy and to have their own life.
The client wants to maintain a friendship i.e. talking via phone and visits. I'm unsure if this is allowed despite leaving our care. I feel as though I am going to lose my best friend. I know I have over stepped the boundaries etc.
Still a mess.