Advice needed for situational anxiety problem please.

[Swindlered]

Hi,
Just signed up so hopefully I am posting in the correct place. I am 26 and ostensibly everything in life is good apart from a anxiety disorder which gets in the way of ever having a relationship with a girl.

Basically it only kicks in if I want a relationship with someone (I am fine with females where I see the relationship as purely platonic).

If I have to contact them by text, phone or meet them my body floods itself with adrenalin?? Making my heart race, breath short and leaving my concentration / mental levels low.
This effectively stops me from coming across as myself as I just seem nervous.
I also seem to spend a large amount of time on edge which effects my sleeping.

I guess l am also not alone in saying that I know rationally I have nothing to fear but seem unable to stop my sub-conscious acting on its own.

Thus far I have tried hypnosis which didn't work and replaced tea & coffee with Camomile which only slightly eases the symptoms. I was going to try Kava Kava & Pure calm next.

If anyone has any advice I would be eternally grateful!

 

[countrybumpkin]

I have exactly the same problem as you Swindlered , tough ain't it? It's easier if you can move slowly with a woman , small steps one at a time til you get relaxed and then move to the next step . Still hard but do-able.It's tough to find a woman who can handle this , but there are a few out there .

 

[GettingThere]

I had an exgirlfriend with this problem. It was a different relationship because of the problem. She eventually sought attention consulting a therapist but this didn't happen until after we had broken up so I don't know for sure how she she went with the treatment.

I did hear that she ended up in a relationship and had a child so I can assume that the treatment helped.

 

[FruitLooPs]

I too have problems with anxiety almost solely around relationships or being friends with a girl.

Spose thats pretty normal, but most people actually get past it.. mines just higher than the average person. That and the fact it gets me pretty down thinking about it.

I only know one girl, and the only contact I have with her is via txt - even thats taken a dive lately. txting somehow seems to relieve the pressure I would feel over the phone or in real life. Being able to take time before responding is probably why.

Problem is I have her no. and have known her for well over a year, gone out on occassion in a group with her and some mates etc. - she must think im pretty wierd to have not really made the effort to call her.

Anyway, Welcome to SPW enjoy your stay and all that.

P.S. Sorry for semi-highjacking your thread too btw

 

[Swindlered]

maybe one of your female mates will turn out to be a lover eventually. that wld be cool cause youd already be comfortable with her? id try the Pure thing and leave the kava kava for now..try the other one first. i hope it goes well for you...i guess its about being negatively judged?

My parents had a messy divorce when I was younger, I wonder if my sub-conscious has decided the best way to avoid being hurt is to not have a relationship, problem is you feel more down after coming up against the same problems again and again.
I figure that the only way forward - and I guess this is the same for all of us - is to keep putting yourself in the firing line and hope that one day things sort themselves out.
I am going to try speed-dating next month, I should be ok until I have to go on a date!