Advice for a lonely guy

[Stealin Stevin]

Throughout my youth I was an extremly shy and quiet person. I was bullied because of this, something which destroyed both my confidence and self-esteem. I've spent the last two years improving on my shyness, to the point I can sometimes initiate conversations with people I don't know. But my confidence and self-esteem are still low.

I'm now 25 and looking for a relationship.It's not for sexual reasons, I just want someone to talk to, share highs and lows with, someone to confide in and they can confide in me....you get the idea. I've never had a relationship before, and have got to the point that i think I may never have one. I know people say "there's someone for everyone", but i'm not sure.

The problem is the dating scene is a scary place to me. I don't think i'm good looking (the opposite) but I do have have a good personality. I have no clue as to what steps I should take or what to do next.

Any advice would be very much appreciated

 

[Jake123]

Welcome to SPW! I thought you were going to be a kleptomaniac.

 

[Dronee]

Well, you've taken steps to improve, which is great! And don't let the bullies get to you man... You're better than them.

 

[reslo]

I think that it's important when you approach a girl not to come off too eager. If you're first line is "hey you want to go out sometime?" chances are you will probably be shot down. If you can approach a girl like you would a friend (Hey, how is it going? or an appropriate situational comment) chances are better. Dating isn't easy, prepare to get some bumps and bruises, even the most confident guys do get shot down.
As far as where to start, it really depends where you feel comfortable.
The bar scene can be pretty intimidating, but at least in that situation, you're more likely to find other singles looking to meet people.
Feel free to join groups or do activities that aren't necessarily singles related to meet people- that way you will at least have something in common... and since you said that you're able to start a conversation, maybe you're just not following through on contact information?
and sometimes too, guys get so focused on rejection, that they actually can be kind of rude- they don't hear what the girl is actually saying, they have no enthusiasm or passion- they just expect to be rejected once again.
Above all, the best way to keep women away is to feel sorry for yourself. People tend to think that they're always going to be single because of this reason or that reason, when in actuality it's their negativity that's pushing people away.

 

[Noca]

Welcome to SPW!

 

[Honk]

People tend to think that they're always going to be single because of this reason or that reason, when in actuality it's their negativity that's pushing people away.

Very true, even my friends are annoyed by my negativity.

 

[violentvalentine]

Dont be scared. The more you obsess about it, you probably will shy away from meeting some great people. Try to stay positive and hope for the best.

 

[Tempus35]

I understand where you are coming from. I am currently 23 and wish the same thing. I try to get out, try to talk to others. But when it fails the little bit of confidence I had is shattered and it takes a long time to come back. I too feel like I am completely ugly, and that just based on that no one will want to be with me. It is hard, I think I have a good personality also but that isnt what people see first.

 

[BlueDays]

When I was a bit younger I could have written the exact same thread as you have, except the gender difference. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 27.
Don't keep thinking it may never happen, thinking that way influences your behaviour. When I managed to stop thinking that way for a while it made my behaviour change and that in turn lead to my first relationship.
By NO MEANS am I saying it will then miraculously happen or that it will be easy, but it does help.
I'm not at all good looking and I did'nt have a clue what to do next (I fumbled my way through!). If someone like me can get there for the first time at 27. It is possible for you too.