I kinda realized yesterday that when they say marijuana can be MENTALLY addictive it's for real. I might even go so far as to say it may be physically but more psycho-physiologically or those 'physical' aspects which are connected to the 'mental world' that most seem to just refer to as "non physical or 'just in your head". Neuro-transmitters are physical, hormones are physical, so are endo-cannabinoids and cannabinoids, and the receptors in our brains.
Once I smoke, I've had the tendency to feel good but also I get kind of 'worse' mentally, demented, or something, and then wake up the next day more tired than usual (though I seem to be sleeping) at least in my eyes. But besides that... I ONLY feel like doing it again and again and again after I have just smoked recently. This must be the 'withdrawal'. I just feel like doing it again, but that feeling only really lasts for so long until I've had enough time without smoking. The longer I go the less I feel the 'physical impulse' to smoke. So if I focus on just getting through the days I might feel withdrawal, without smoking of course, then I will be that much closer to quitting for good.
A couple months back I hadn't smoked in.. about 4-5 months which was excellent because I was smoking daily for a while. Nowadays though I have been doing it on the weekends because I am always usually too tired to do much or messed up in the head to do anything important on the weekends.. so I just smoke weed to pass the time to "keep myself from going insane out of boredom" because otherwise I would supposedly become more irritable. Now I'm starting to think that's just part of my withdrawal symptoms and that maybe I can deal with weekends while not being high if I just stick with it for at least.. a month. Hoping I don't go crazy during that time of course.
it would be nice if I had a close friend who would understand and maybe help me even by just keeping company, but I have to think like I don't need that either, although my life is still unusually empty and lonely... The longer I go not having any friends, not making any progress even though I DO things and work towards progress and don't acheive so much "progress". I believe now it may be up to OTHERS to accept me or not.. because I think I'm doing a lot. The weed may keep me from progressing too because it makes me feel like crap after wards. Not because that's what weed does to everyone but that's what it does to me, and my current condition. Maybe the weed I get sucks too but in my condition, it makes me feel good for a certain time but it usually has it's downsides.
yeah. I know I talk a lot.
But yeah.. even if marijuana is addictive it is mental addiction.
