About to go on a long trip.

[Plissken]

I've been kind of pressured into doing this. I've gone down there almost every summer as I was growing up, with lots of relatives there. I have two cousins that are my age that I've always been friends with. But now I just feel too old. I'm 19 now. It's just mentally I haven't grown up at all, and I wish I could go down there with no responisiblities like the old days, but now I'll have my own car down there and I have to get a job down there. I'm just feeling mad nervous. The other option is to pansy out and just stay here, but I already told everyone that I was going, and at work they've taken me out of the schedule, so I don't really have a job here anymoer.

And my car's door panel is missing and the speakers suck so it'll be kind of embarassing now that I'll actually have people riding in my car. It was so easy to keep putting off fixing it up because I've just been by myself for months.

I don't know, I just feel like I'll be out of place down there, because my cousins have matured a lot. The prospect of looking for another job is frightening to be honest. The day I'm going down is on friday (my mom and sister are going too, though they will return back before I do). Shit, I'm just a nervous wreck. I wish I could freeze time and retreat up into my hole up here with the computer. Or I could get really sick and have an excuse not to go.