About the locked thing

[GIOLANDA]

OK,I see it's so easy to misunderstand things here. You saw it like a bad comparison with other members. But it wasn't comparison! I created this for fun,so as everyone to say sth positive. I've also mentioned that I like all ppl here,as sharing the same problems it's so important to me,but I see that nobody noticed that. Anyway,your self-esteem is in a very bad situation after all,so it's better to avoid things like this. And don't think that mary and cLavain supported me because I mentioned them. These ppl are positive and I'm sure that they would have done the same if they weren't mentioned at all. I admire positive ppl and I wanted to express myself,but I see that there are many negative ppl here,with a very low self-esteem who misunderstand it,so it's better to shut up. Sorry if I made you suffer.

 

[LA-girl]

Ok... *stopped rolling my eyes* :wink:

 

[GIOLANDA]

I just removed what I'd posted before. Nothing to add.

 

[crazyfairyx]

This is a very difficult rule to enforce, you must understand that, because the line is quite fine between singling people out and offering individual support.

With this kind of thread a person may not want to be mentioned, and may feel embarrassed about it, or they may feel upset because they have not been mentioned and therefore do not feel like they are part of the group.

If you have a problem with a moderators decision, please feel free to PM one of us instead of insinuating we lock threads for the fun of it, or rolling your eyes, because I don't see how that solves anything. I didn't want to lock the thread, but it was upsetting people and making them feel 'left out' and that (in my opinion) is when the line between individual support and singling people out is crossed.

 

[crazyfairyx]

Hmmm...seems like we're only allowed to give positive compliments regarding peoples appearance... :roll:

If someone posts about an achievement, or make a comment people feel strongly about, or post a picture then the positive comments are directly linked, there is a difference between that and randomly listing people who you like and why. This is completely different to what you are saying, we wouldn't want people to list who they think are attractive and why either!

 

[Mary]

Crazyfairyx: I know it has to be hard to be a moderator and I know you are just trying to do a good job and keep the peace. Maybe if I was a mod I would have done the same thing, who knows? The only thing I have a hard time wrapping my head around is how or why that topic went off in a bad direction in the first place! 8O I never would have imagined people would react that way! It truly surprised me..
but again, if anyone who knows me got offended if I didn't mention them, I am really sorry about that. God knows that was not my intention to hurt anyone and I'm sure it wasn't Giolanda's intent either. :?
If I may I would just like to respond to that girl (sorry forgot her name)little miss scare all I think..all I have to say is: :lol: You cracked me up! However did you guess that I was just craving more attention and that is why I supported Giolanda? :wink: :lol: It couldn't possibly have been that she is my friend and I didn't understand what the difference was between her thread and the "crushes" thread..no..that couldn't have been it! :wink: Btw. I wasn't mentioned in the crushes thread either.. :? :wink: But I still think its a good thread and support it like I supported Giolanda's..

 

[crazyfairyx]

The only problem with the thread was it was making people feel like they weren't being mentioned and so they weren't liked or part of the community. I didn't see a problem with it to start with, but it got a lot of complaints and it was obviously upsetting people, and surely a thread isn't worth that? It's better to have a locked thread and think 'ok I'll find different ways to spread positivity' than to have people feeling that they mustn't be liked enough to be mentioned?

 

[cLavain]

Just couldn't resist replying again... :wink:

First, you mentioned that some people didn't want to be mentioned. Well, I respect that totally. All they had to do was to PM me and I would have removed their name at once, but that didn't happen, so I can only assume it was okay.

Yes, this site is about support, but isn't it also about learning to cope? Well, judging by this and other thread-locking events these past few months, the lesson learned seems to be this:

If others say something you don't like, just whinge and whine about it until you get your way.

Problem is, that's not going to be much help in real life, is it? If you want to get better, then part of the process is to desensitise yourself somewhat to other people's criticism (real or imagined). And, no, that doesn't mean that we shouldn't respect each other, only that we can't expect to agree with what everyone else says and does all the time!

What creates real resentment are people regularly using underhanded tactics like running to the mods and asking them to lock threads or ban people they don't agree with. Not much "community spirit" in that, is there?

As you can probably guess by now, I believe in honest communication. If you think I'm wrong, or simply a bastard, by all means, tell me so. I promise, I will never ever complain to the mods about it. Really. 8)

 

[crazyfairyx]

Don't think you're a bastard at all lol.

Sometimes threads are gonna be locked, not everyone is going to like it, I've explained my position on it, and as a mod my job isn't always easy, and I've already explained that I didn't want to lock the thread but for the sake of people's feelings decided it was the best course of action at that time.

If anyone has anything to say on the matter please PM me, or one of the other mods and go over it with you.

Thank you.

 

[cLavain]

Don't think you're a bastard at all lol.

Oh, lol, thanks, but that last comment wasn't meant for you specifically, but rather anyone with "issues".

 

[Quixote]

I think the vast majority of readers of that thread might have guessed, easily, that the people who mentioned each other simply are those that happened to know each other personally (this being a social phobia site, that means by written personal messages ).

Once that is understood, the real question is: can the existence of small groups or individual friendships within a virtual community be an unpleasant fact for those that are not part of any? It probably can, just like in real life some of us would rather prefer not to see groups of friends having fun together, while we are left alone. Now, I don't think it is possible or desiderable to prevent this from happening, but it may be possible to limit the degree to which this is visible on a support site, which is what the moderator did, with some right in my opinion.

It must be said the the crush and picture thread are probably not much different in their final effects.

PS I only saw the thread after it had been locked.