gem22sitt04
New member
I dont buy celebrity mags cos i will end up feeling depressed. I sometimes cant stand watching the tv at all. Id rather not see slim and pritty people as this will make me again, depressed.
I feel confused with the programmes that are on the tv that people watch and enjoy. Its always about murder, death, deceit, dead bodies, blood...come on who wants to watch this - i dont! its depressing!!
I guess people get a buzz out of fear and crave this release...understandable i guess, cos i feel like im so understimulated im going mad! No boyfriend!
i dont want to watch tv, i want to go and do all these things that require money.
I can understand why people do drugs, because this life is very disappointing. The precious few get famous and have their dream job acting, singing, wateva but I feel let down. Probably for reasons that lie in my mind from past experiences. I am upset about who i am today. It wasnt meant to be like this, i wasnt meant to be unhappy, i feel sad for myself and feel like im greiving for the person i could have been. And underneath my calm exterior and emotions that are supressed and turned in on themselves and all the harming things i put my body through I am sooooooooo angry.
I just thought, maybe its because im due on that im ranting so much...i cried earlier too. I began to think i wouldnt stop but luckily i did.
I dream about living somewhere where there isnt much busyness, trees, hills quiet and sunshine. I dont want to live next door to anyone, as much as I regret to say it I feel uncomfortable around people and feel sometimes that i would rather be alone - totally alone, no person for at least 200 metres, down the chalk pits in the forest where i can only hear the breathing of my dog and the rustle of leaves and birds wings fluttering and some vodka!
God this is turning into a monster! I cant stop writing!
I just got interrupted mum came back.
I need some alcohol - none in the house. shit. Started new meds week ago and im getting electric shocks in the head - withdrwal from seroxat. They are gettin better though.
Heres something ****ed up. Last nite (im not sleeping too well lately) in the middle of the night i catapulted myself up out of bed because I saw a spider in my mind! How ****ed up is that!! I jumped up in a split second from wat was suppose to be sleep. I stood there in the dark terriffied that a spider is there. After a bit i turned the light on and stared at my bed to see if i could see a spider. But in the morning i thought, you must of truley believed that there was really a spider there in real life, you believed you were awake! Cos I was asleep, my eyes were shut!
So basically im going completely insaine lol. Anway bk to wat i was saying. I had to shake the covers search round, but no spider. wat a relief!
I feel confused with the programmes that are on the tv that people watch and enjoy. Its always about murder, death, deceit, dead bodies, blood...come on who wants to watch this - i dont! its depressing!!
I guess people get a buzz out of fear and crave this release...understandable i guess, cos i feel like im so understimulated im going mad! No boyfriend!
i dont want to watch tv, i want to go and do all these things that require money.
I can understand why people do drugs, because this life is very disappointing. The precious few get famous and have their dream job acting, singing, wateva but I feel let down. Probably for reasons that lie in my mind from past experiences. I am upset about who i am today. It wasnt meant to be like this, i wasnt meant to be unhappy, i feel sad for myself and feel like im greiving for the person i could have been. And underneath my calm exterior and emotions that are supressed and turned in on themselves and all the harming things i put my body through I am sooooooooo angry.
I just thought, maybe its because im due on that im ranting so much...i cried earlier too. I began to think i wouldnt stop but luckily i did.
I dream about living somewhere where there isnt much busyness, trees, hills quiet and sunshine. I dont want to live next door to anyone, as much as I regret to say it I feel uncomfortable around people and feel sometimes that i would rather be alone - totally alone, no person for at least 200 metres, down the chalk pits in the forest where i can only hear the breathing of my dog and the rustle of leaves and birds wings fluttering and some vodka!
God this is turning into a monster! I cant stop writing!
I just got interrupted mum came back.
I need some alcohol - none in the house. shit. Started new meds week ago and im getting electric shocks in the head - withdrwal from seroxat. They are gettin better though.
Heres something ****ed up. Last nite (im not sleeping too well lately) in the middle of the night i catapulted myself up out of bed because I saw a spider in my mind! How ****ed up is that!! I jumped up in a split second from wat was suppose to be sleep. I stood there in the dark terriffied that a spider is there. After a bit i turned the light on and stared at my bed to see if i could see a spider. But in the morning i thought, you must of truley believed that there was really a spider there in real life, you believed you were awake! Cos I was asleep, my eyes were shut!
So basically im going completely insaine lol. Anway bk to wat i was saying. I had to shake the covers search round, but no spider. wat a relief!
