A Positive Outcome

[Scottish_Player]

I havent posted here in a while, and without sonding cheeky/arrogant or what ever, the reason i dont use it no more is because i dont need it now. In a way iam free.

When i came here about a year and a half ago it was such a great site to find, to see that i wasnt the only one but then i started to wallow in self pitty, i went to the doctors and got meds, then i bought shit loads of herbel stuff from the net and guess what.. none of it worked for me, iam not saying thats the case for everyone. The only thing i have changed is the way i think.
It wasnt just a case of wake up one morning and it was solved, its taken about a year and a bit and even now iam still not where i want to be but iam getting there and and a fast rate. Iam never going to be the life and sole of the party, iam never going to get up on stage and do kareoke or go dancing in a club, there is no point for me aiming for stuff like that because i will only fail and then i will feel bad about myself and get caught up in the circle again. Instead i aimed for little things, stuff i know i can reach and kept my goals low.
I had to learn to be happy with myself first and accept who iam before i could help myself and by doing this it has increased my confidence more.

Simple stuff i couldnt do was stuff like answer phones or answer the door but now it happens without even thinking about it. Iam palnning a tour of Scotland/Ireland for next year and before the thought of it would have terrified me to be away from familier surroundings but now i have built up my confidence and iam actualy looking forward to it. Its given me something to aim for and something else to think about.

I dont really have a point here other than i want to let people know that it can be over come, i do accept that for some people it can be a chemical imbalance, for me i think i was just looking for a tag to give it then take a few pills and it would all be better again but it dosent work like that, you have to learn to see the positive in EVERTHING and put the negative aside. I did have self diagonosed depression for about 2/3 years and at that time i thought nothing was ever going to change, i had thoughts of ending it all but now i dont know how i ever thought like that.

One thing i do want to do is say thanks to all the people on here who replied to my msgs when i was feeling like shit and gave advice and encouragement, becasue without this site and finding out what was wrong with me who knows what situation i would be in now?

 

[Chilling__Echo]

what he said. everything. i have no words.

 

[zackyg]

I'm glad you are overcoming SA, that's something for the rest of us to look forward to.

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

Hi Scottish Player!

Congratulations on achieving something that many would love to achieve. And keep it up. ...I have this sinking suspicion that those who make it end up becoming stronger people than the majority -including those that never had a major struggle to overcome. And I believe that I am right in that.

Just some questions though, if you could oblige... I wondered if you could describe the ways you changed your thinking. I am still experiencing a delay in being able to do my own individual CBT. One thing that my shrink has so far mentioned is that I need to identify and later then challenge the thoughts that I have whilst experiencing anxiety. I quizzed her, asking whether or not their was only one single root thought at the base of all my anxiety. Her answer was too vague for me. ...But what have you been finding? Has your recovery involved identifying and challenging a cluster of thoughts, or only one basic thought?

 

[Danfalc]

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[LittleMissMuffet]

I like what you say Danfalc, especially about 'core beliefs'. It is similar to my understanding on how to solve any problem. I also share your dismay at having to address more than one 'wrong thought' when dealing with social anxiety. My therapist has remarked several times of how I already understand many principles used in psychology -that 'I could have written many of the books on her shelf'.

I even implemented my 'technique' in a social situation to great effect and felt that I was on my way to getting to be where I wanted to go. Then when I took a job at the end of last year; whilst I lasted for several months, my fearful, anxiousness came back as if to ruin all my good work. During this time I struggled to find the 'core belief(s)' -the thinking that caused me to lose control emotionally and could not find this in the midst of how emotionally overwhelmed I felt. So, obviously the same 'bad thought' I worked to change in the other situation did not apply in this new one. ...this is what I find perplexing about social anxiety. (And the idea that I need to work to both become aware and change SEVERAL wrong thoughts, seems a daunting task ...couldn't it be simpler than this, as in just ONE fundamentally wrong thought?)

So, meanwhile given what I have been discovering, I appreciate your suggestion to work on several 'bad thoughts' but to rest on the core one at the base of these -am still exploring what all these are. Although I would prefer to go straight to 'the heart' of the trouble, and only have to cut the one root instead of several ('roots' or just smaller shoots coming from the one root??), I don't know enough about psychology to know whether it is only one core thought behind all the others, or more than one core thought. ...I am still wondering about this and haven't gotten satisfactory answers from the professionals.

I have faith that if I knew what lay at the heart of my problems, that in being aware of this that I would be on my way to solving things. For me, awareness is everything (and I think the same is true for others, pretty much). I know what to do once I have awareness of what beliefs of mine are not-in keeping with a bigger, and more accurate, picture of the world and myself in it.

One other thing: I question your idea that your root thought is that you lack self-esteem. Not wishing to presume greater authority and knowledge than your therapist who probably told you this -and even if she didn't, yesterday this is the same thing that mine told me -that at the core of my difficulties lies a sense of inferiority towards others. Yesterday I felt a resentment towards my therapist, and not fully aware of why, I feel that it has perhaps to do with this analysis of me. I truly doubt that such an idea is correct -that I feel inferior to others. Now, of course this IS correct; but as to whether it is the underlying reason for my troubles is another question.

I believe that a person feels inferior to others only BECAUSE they are out of sinc with others, and being different emotionally whilst not having developed the ability to adapt well enough to others. For example: my high sensitivity and focus on inner feelings, causes me to feel too separate from the outside, more extroverted world; and as a RESULT of this I feel inferior. IF I were more adaptable to the world of strangers and impersonal social interaction, then I would feel equal to others. In fact, truthfully, I believe that it is impossible for a person to feel inferior towards others without actually also feeling themselves superior. Evenwhilst only one of these two will be apparent to the person.

So, perhaps I am being trivial with the above paragraph. But, the point I am making is that it is obvious that I feel and even think my personality inferior to the kind that I believe is the way I should be; but to me the reason behind this feeling and belief is a difficulty being flexible and adaptable to a more extroverted way of relating, that the outer world often calls upon me to be. So, I have a quibble about whether such a thought, 'I am inferior', is actually the reason behind the reason.

 

[Danfalc]

Hiya littlemissmuffet

Your post has really made me sit back and think about quite a few things because cognitive or negative thinking is my biggest issue and the hurdle im trying to jump at the moment.Unfortantley tho ive only just started really and im struggling to grasp it plus im not the sharpest tool in the box to start with so id love to try and reply to what youve written but tbh your way ahead of me and i cant keep up,your therpaist is right tho you probaly could write your own book,hehe i might even hire you to write a dumbed down one for me

But there are a few things i want to say.. is dont beat yaself up about not being able to get past your negative thinking when you took this new job,with sp its easy to forget what we have done and how far we have got in the past because we judge ourselves so harshly and feel we have failed based on one event we feel we "didnt do or act right" or whatever we think about ourselves.Youve managed to beat your anxious thoughts before and im sure you will be able to again at work i just think its gonna take you coming from another angle.. it doesnt mean at all what youve done so far is ruined.

And yeah with thoughts it gets messy,trying to figure out where the thoughts come from and what they relate to,if we are working on the right ones and how they affect our core beliefs ect ect specialy when theres alot bouncing round inside our head.But ive been reading up on it and found a section which kinda tries to explain how to split thoughts up which might be usefull to ya with trying to tidy up the roots a bit? i know you probaly know half the stuff its saying but its easier than me trying to explain.so heres the entire passage

"It is useful to distinguish three levels of cognition:
-what you notice and pay attenion to:social anxious people tend to notice things that fit with there fears,percieved threats and also tend to look inwards on thoughts and how symptoms, instead of focusing outwards which increases self awareness.
-negative automatic thoughts (NATs):these are like the strem of consciousness in ones head,or the internal conversation one is having with oneself. .." im going to make a fool out of myself" ect..
-underlying assumptions and beliefs:beliefs about your-self,about other people and about the world are all likley to be relevant."

And tbh i think your probaly right about my therapist being wrong about my core beliefs because i still feel myself like i havnt got to the heart of my problem and im struggling to sort out my thoughts.. and the fact people in that sort of profesion always seem to like to label us with names to try and make things simple and fit into there catagories.And i think i get what you were saying about being out of sinc with others,that were obviously going to have low self esteem and feel inferior when we have a disorder or whatever that makes interacting for us difficult.But i guess its a place to start.. anyway rant over hope you do make some progress cos i know how frustrating all this is.

 

[savage_beagle]

i agree with you scottish player.

Hi scottish player, i am happy for you. You and i went thru a similiar experience. I went thru my own self help journey and greatly changed my views of myself and others i encountered. A few things i disagree on what you mentioned, you can do anything you want , including night clubbing , dancing, etc.....again, if you limit your beliefs of what you can or you cannot do..you get what you think. If you are not interested in loud and noisy gatherings and you enjoy more down to earth peaceful event, then that is fine also. I am slowly tapering myself away from this website as i find it can sometimes be more of a forum for people to vent frustrations and despair, instead of seeking solutions to their problems and sharing ideas on how to overcome. When we always strive to think positive AND act positive, good things and people come our way. Those times when things dont seem to be going too good, we accept them as minor hurdles to learn from and try different approaches to gain success, not as a catastrophy to run and hide from. Congrats to your success and keep walking on the sunny side of the street. :wink:

 

[maggie]

hiya Scottish...i'm so happy for you :!: You seem like such a nice..caring person and i've enjoyed reading each and every one of your posts..and, as you know, i can relate to lots of stuff you've posted. When i first found this site..i also thought i was the only person on the planet who felt like this..and i kinda felt like a freak..like you, i was surprised..and a little relieved..that i wasn't alone in how i was feeling...you were one of the first people i connected with on this site...and, even though you live a half a world away...i felt a connection to you, and many others on this site...because of our "similar suffering". I think you are dead-on accurate when you say...not to aim to high..set reasonable goals..you will "never be the life of the party"..never do "karaoke"..that kind of stuff....but to set smaller "achievable" goals...i wish you all the best...hope everything goes well for you...that you find happiness...and keep achieving everything you are hoping for...gonna miss you...but happy you are too busy to spend too much time here :wink: ...luv maggie

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

Thanks for your information and support, Danfalc. And, I don't think that I am closer to knowing how to solve my anxiety better than you. So, I don't think that you are 'dumber' than me -believe it or not :wink: :wink:
Just as you wrote about psychologists: it is really difficult to understand and get a grasp over how our minds work. It is more than simply knowing facts and theories about psychology -it all hinges on knowing one's own mind. ...perhaps something like: having a sense of direction but not having made up your mind where you actually want to go. So, the last one, in my opinion, completely overrides the first one. ...we're talking about emotions and confidence here. If a person got a great sense of how they really felt and what is most important for them emotionally, the rest of the theories, psychology and clever thinking is not only easy to see and know, but is really second to the fact that you just feel sure of what to do.

Anyhow, don't worry, I'm no genius. And thanks for your common sense and encouragement.