a matter of choice?

[cea]

wishful thinking professionals and advisers readily tell you avoidant people your issue is a psychological one, a matter of individual, distorted perception and choices you've made throughout your life.

how do you fellows feel about that kind of statement? does it hold any value of truth to you?

me, i feel like it doesn't. i shall further synthetically elaborate.

i was (of course) unwillingly born to a religious, ignorant, overtly sheltering and paranoid family on brazil. i understand i have suffered verbal harrassment at an early age at the hands of a disordered babysitter, who was, by the way, a cousin of mine, and about that time i was diagnosed ADHD, starting to take on heavy irresponsible tegretol medication from then on. these facts i link with commas but the causal nexus is not at all evident, i'm just putting important episodes together. anyway, next thing i know, i'm being severily bullyied around my neighborhood, not finding rest nor peace not even in the confort of my own home, which they consistently intruded. at that time i was already showing bad signs of deep image-awareness and damaged self-esteem, that were responded by my mother's encouragement of plastic surgery intervention. i was 11. having the ill fortune of being precociously awaken in regards to my sexuality, i also had hurtful early rejection experiences with girls during my pre-pubescent school years. and to make a long story short, when i reached 18, envisioning at last a whole new college world ahead of me, soon enough i was actively involved on a car accident, that finally gave me some large hypertrophic burn-like scar in exchange for the skin of my entire forehead; a scar so irregular it changes completely according to light and angle, so that i'm never ever sure about how are my looks in a given moment. the funny side of this is that i can't even try and cover it with my hair, because i'm also getting bald. as it stands right now, i can't make eye contact with women anymore, and today, i only feel confortable with myself in the dark.

i'm 23. life goes on and worsens. i don't think i ever had much of a choice, and i feel i was somehow somewhere entangled on some retrocumulative disastrous flow, never having the chance to fight it back.

so, no.

so, what's your guys' opinion?

 

[sabbath9]

Hi Cea, Welcome to SPW!

I think there are nice women who can look past a scar and see a nice person.

 

[cea]

yeah, i think there are. i've met a couple of them myself.

the thing is, it's just hard to be a nice person if you feel like a horrible one. and also your ethics and attitudes end up being a mere reflex of your underlying humours. sadness is retroactive.

 

[Anubis]

Ironically, your post actually resembles what a majority of psychologists used to believe - that the "Past determines your future". For example, your babysitter did this to you, therefore, you are like this _____. And there's no way you can fix it, because the experience was so traumatic, etc. etc.

The reason why some psychologists (although not all) don't follow this paradigm anymore is because it's simply not true. Sure, the past does effect you, but it doesn't follow that the past has to dictate everything you will be. This kind of thinking is what actually causes depression.

If you have time, I really recommend listening to someone like Tony Robbins. He talks about this issue a lot, and he tells you how to confront it in interesting ways. I had similar problems as well.