:(

[nocklmnop]

I'm having some sort of depressive breakdown right now. I know this is a social phobia forum, but I feel most comfortable posting about it here instead of some other site that I've never been to.

So here's the story-

Friday I found a new girlfriend, we were together for the entire night, plus part of the early morning. I was mesmerized.

Yesterday night, her, I, and a friend of hers went to see movie in a theater, then we went to her friends house for the night. We ended up somewhat sleeping together (only in the literal sense), and then her and I came back to my house, and she just left about half an hour ago. So we spent almost a day together. Then I just felt horrible.

Now I am sitting here, my face absolutely soaked, myself a complete mess, and I have no idea why I am so upset. She seemed a little depressed but didn't say she was when I asked. There are a few other things that may have contributed to this, but I am in no mood to mention them right now. I haven't eaten in two days, I've barely slept, and as much as I hate to say it, as many times as I've been through it, I am feeling suicidal. I keep thinking of other things to say, but then I end up forgetting them.

Does anybody have any suggestions?

 

[Warlock]

Why are you so upset? Are you afraid she doesn't like you?

 

[nocklmnop]

Yea. I haven't gotten like this over a girl once. This is the first time.

 

[nocklmnop]

Now I found out that her mom hasn't heard from her in days , which only makes me more worried. And she is very close with her mom. They barely go hours without talking to each other.

 

[Clana25]

Hey you need to talk with someman man. hey I'm here for you if you need help, it''s obvious we are all in here because we are searching for help so why not help each other. We have to overcome these phobias, there is too much at stake

 

[spdiegoguy]

Here for support. You aren't alone. Give it some time. Alot of times, when I'm in one of those moods, my minds blurry and I cannot think clearly so things always seem worse than they really are. Like I have said, this is a supportive community and people do care.

 

[nocklmnop]

Thank you very much. It's really relieving to hear that. Right now, I'm a little busy trying to contact people, but if you're still here when I'm done, it would be a big help to talk.

 

[nocklmnop]

It turns out she was avoiding me. She may very well have changed her mind about me. Her best friend decided to come on to me, so I am very suspicious of them both. Since this isn't an online journal, I'll stop updating this now.

 

[mienaino]

I thought I was the only one who did that... or maybe it's not the same.
Although I haven't as much contact, neither in proximity nor in duration, with the opposite gender as what you've described, I often find that when a potential mate (clinical term, I know) merely pays attention to me, and the more something that resembles a relationship forms, it never fails to trigger a depressive response in me unlike anything else can. I get suicidal too... and the best I've been able to explain it to myself is that I subconciously try to manipulate her with sympathy, or something. Frankly, it's pathetic... and it doesn't work. In fact it always turns out badly. And by the time it spins out into full-fledged self-mutilation and flagellation I seem so much like a freak that no sane person would go near me even with a ten foot pole.
Maybe you're unwittingly attempting to manipulate?

 

[nocklmnop]

Perhaps; I think it could be manipulation, in in the sense that I tend to use words more than actions in order to try and get the sort of effect I am looking for. But as you said, it isn't very successful. I like what you said, we seem to be very similar in this.