This may be kind of long but I desperately need some advice!

I just started college about a month ago, and I finally got enough courage to go talk to my adviser about my spring schedule, but he had to bring something else... I was doing okay when I was talking about my schedule because I'd rehearsed at least a thousand times what I needed to ask, but since I wasn't prepared for anything else, I froze up, starting shaking, sweating, dizziness, ext, ext...

I hadn't been attending any clubs or learning community things that I signed up for, so when he asked me why I'd been neglecting them I had to admit that I was afraid to go. So then he got into one-sided conversation where I basically stuttered "I don't know" to everyone of his questions about why I'm afraid and shy. It was really horrible... He offered to help me overcome my shyness and I agreed for some reason. I'm feel so nervous and sick about going back on Monday I've spent the past hour laying in bed.

I know what I'm experiencing is social anxiety even though it's self- diagnosed. I'm not sure if talking with him is going to help any since I'm guessing he's not experienced with dealing with the condition. I don't know if I should mention that I may have social anxiety disorder or not... Should I find real professional help or try working with my adviser? I'm not sure who else to go to, but I really want to get over this so I can start living a normal life.

Professional help, no doubt about it. At least if you feel this is a liability to you. Don't know what sort of education your advisor have though, it's possible he has experience in the field, but my suggestion is still to seek out a professional.

It's definitely going to become a liability. I've already messed up my first oral presentation and I'm starting to have second thoughts about even going to college. If I do manage to graduate, how am I suppose to get a job if I can't even talk to anyone?

I'm not sure where else to turn to though... I'm too afraid to seek professional help. Maybe just try my hardest to get a few sentences into my adviser about the situation? It's so difficult to talk with someone about this because it makes me even more anxious! They're either going to think
A. I'm crazy
B. I'm trying to get attention or
C. I'm something of a hypochondriac

How am I suppose to explain this to someone I barely know when I can't even talk about it with my own mother!?

Karut--

Have you started college yet or is this just a school advisor you have gone to to set up your class schedule?

I understand your anxiety but no one is going to think you are crazy or overreacting and a lot of people suffer from Social Anxiety. If this is someone you trust or think has your best intentions at hand, I would see this as a blessing in disguise and an oppurtunity to start diologue about this problem. I often found it easier to talk to people who were teachers or advisors rather than talking to my mom about it! Maybe you can tell her sometime. I often wish I told my professors about the problem I had socially. This advisor can't replace professional help, but sometimes the best therapists are the ones who aren't trained! Although I would advise seeking help at a center for anxiety because getting helped by a general therapist hasn't been helpful for me and no one seems to know how to treat it properly. But talking to this advisor might be a great support for you while you are in school and keep you in college--which is where you belong. There is also support from a therapist at your school-- I went to a therapist at my college and she was the best one I have had yet. Do not think about a job now or all of your struggles that you are predicting in your future--you have no idea where you will be then. Focus on getting your degree and on starting a diologue about this issue, you will feel relieved. Also, everyone is nervous during presentations. I am sure you just thought you screwed up.You got through it, just keep at it. Don't give up on your education or future because of this.

karut said:

It's so difficult to talk with someone about this because it makes me even more anxious! They're either going to think...

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That's your anxiety talking, not reality. Do not assume you know what others think. You can't read minds, and you don't know much about their lives. For all you know, your advisor has experienced the exact same thing or worse, or more likely he's dealt with other students that have had similar issues. That he would even offer is a good indicator of this.

karut said:

A. I'm crazy

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Crazy would be preferring to ignore the problem or let it get worse by quitting school. Yes, it feels like the easier option, but the results are much worse.

karut said:

B. I'm trying to get attention or
C. I'm something of a hypochondriac

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Are you? No. So don't concern yourself with it. You know the truth, which is that it is negatively impacting your life and you want it gone.

karut said:

How am I suppose to explain this to someone I barely know when I can't even talk about it with my own mother!?

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You'd be amazed at how much easier it can be to talk about your problems to someone you barely know than with friends and family. Your family tends to have a fixed image of you in their minds that probably isn't a great reflection of who you are internally, and it can be difficult to communicate around that image.

Ultimately, it sounds like you really ought to get some help, but working with your advisor is probably a good stepping stone to get there.

Thanks for the replies! They were very insightful and made me think more about this.

I just started college this semester. I had another talk with him yesterday and surprisingly, he seems to know what he's doing. And you're both right... I found it a lot easier to talk with someone I don't really know! I think that this is probably one of the best things that could have happened to me. He seems genuinely concerned, willing to help without making me feel like I'm a burden, and never judgmental. He's trying to focus on getting rid of my negative thinking patterns/self image, and trying to help me learn to relax more during social situations.

For instance, today I had to interview someone in my major. I went to the science building to find someone, and after about 15 minutes of pacing outside the door, trying to relax and think positive, I finally went inside. The first group of people I asked were all in my major! So I got the interview, and did an awesome job! I may not have tried to prolong it any, but my voice never went out, my hands didn't shake as much, and I felt much more relaxed. It still wasn't perfect, but I feel like I've already made some progress!

I'm not sure if this will work for many other people, but as hard as this is to do... Never think negatively about social situations. I've learned that I can't trust my mind to think by itself because it's always negative, but if I can remain aware about what I'm thinking about, and push at it until it's positive, it's really helpful. Although, it's a really awkward feeling because I feel like I'm lying to my brain...?

In case you need more elaboration on this, the way he put it was... Ballplayers go into situations thinking "I can do it" and they're successful. So, hypothetically, negative thinking would have the same effect, but opposite. So when I start up a conversation thinking "I'm going to fail at this" maybe that's the cause behind the failure.