Sweet Self-Sabotage

Does anyone else find themselves lying, or as I prefer to call it, distorting the truth in order to avoid responsibilities sometimes? I've done it too many times, today being the most recent.

I was supposed to be going out with my job coach today who is attempting to help me find suitable work in which my social anxiety won't hold me back too much. Well needless to say that I've been nervous about going out with her again and so when she showed up at my house at 12:30 for our scheduled appointment I didn't answer the door. I felt like an idiot as I sat there listening to her ring the doobell and knock on the door, telling myself that there was no reason in even bothering with her because I hadn't even finished getting dressed yet. That was a lie of comfort of course.

Eventually my job coach left and I sat there listening to the messages she left on my answering machine feeling like a loser and totally ashamed. It was such a pointless, stupid little thing for me to do. Now I'm contemplating the lie I'll have to use when I call her and tell her why no one answered the door at my house. I suppose I could tell the truth but it would likely just seem weird and counter-productive to her. Of course, it is both of those things, but I'm pretty embaressed.
On top of all that my parents thought I was going out today with my job coach too so I know there will prodding questions this evening.

I am so nortorious for this kind of self-sabotage. I wish I hadn't made my job coach drive all the way to my home for nothing. All that just because I was too afraid.

Yeah, I know what you mean. It's like a self-discipline thing. Believe it or not, though, more exposure = getting used to uncomfortable social situations. The more you get out there, the better off you'll be... regardless of weather you tank it, or come off looking like a genius in whatever the situation of choice. It gets to the point where you have to realize it's all about experience, good or bad, and that in itself might be enough to motivate you... it was enough for me.

Obviously, it's hard. I think all of us here can agree. But more and more you'll realize you have a say in the matter. Because a good lot of the time, if you go out to face your fears no matter the cost, most likely you'll succeed.

Just a few things to think about. You can do it.