So here's my story

Hey everyone, I just joined after seeing so many topics I can relate to, such as talking to yourself, not knowing what to say, etc. Anyway I'm 16 going on 17 very soon.

I think my problem was caused by a number of things. Being an only child, and having very loving parents sort of got me dependent on them, maybe I'm a bit spoiled. My relationship with my father is possibly the strongest in my life; I seem to do stuff with him more than I do with actual friends (going to movies, watching stuff on TV, going to dinner). All my life, I've been pretty good at making friends, but I've always had one, or just few close friends I always stick around, as opposed to having many acquaintances I feel comfortable talking to anytime. I'm really a one on one person as apposed to hanging out in groups. When I'm in a large group, I really don't know what to say. Everyone seems so naturally quick and funny, the way I feel around people close to me. The problem is, I always think of the perfect thing to say a minute or two after I gave some boring response like "yeah" "I know" "I dunno". I sort of need time to think of what to say. And that's why I've become so comfortable on the internet. You have all the time you want to think of what to say. Anyway, the idea of turning 17 sort of freaks me out. I feel like I'm 14 on the inside. I feel that my social anxiety/shyness/dependency on my parents or whatever made/makes me miss out on what most kids my age are doing. Anyway, I'll stop now, I don't wanna bore you. I'm just glad I've found some people who could relate. Thanks

Mike

Welcome you are not alone

Some adults have these same issues you describe.

One of the issues we have is to rely on just one friend, one parent ...for our emotional and psychological needs.

This can be like having our life similar to an upsidedown pyramid.

You know - if the point ( the single friend ) we have disappears, moves, or gets sick - we get lost.

Anyhow, if you decide ( and its your choice ) to flip your pyramid over and have four friends or more your life might change.

I know I have. And one of the remarkable things is that my friends are now becoming friends with each other.

It takes time. But its worth the effort.

Take care.

Re: Welcome you are not alone

YankeeBob said:

This can be like having our life similar to an upsidedown pyramid.

You know - if the point ( the single friend ) we have disappears, moves, or gets sick - we get lost.

Anyhow, if you decide ( and its your choice ) to flip your pyramid over and have four friends or more your life might change.

Click to expand...

Thanks for your reply

What did you do to flip your 'pyramid' over?

What did Bob do to "flip his pyramid over" ?

Well....I was 54 when I started. So don't give me too much credit. Am a very late learner on these things.

First of all I accepted that I had a problem. It was one of my own choosing. I had no friends.

Second of all, I looked at men I knew casually and asked myself "did they have many friends"? Well they don't wear a tag on their lapel that says "I have 4 friends" or "I have no friends".

So slowly I would sit and talk with them. I would bring up the subject of friendship. Sort of along the lines of "I wonder if I can ask you a question. You don't have to answer if its awkward. " then with their approval I would say " I am interested in learning to make friends. How have you done this in your life."

Some would open up and talk about it easily. Others didn't - I have guessed it made them feel uncomfortable.

From these small starts I began to invite men that I had some connection with to "have a coffee with me on a Saturday morning", "make a phone call to and just say hello", "go bike riding with", "go hiking with", "ask them if they want to go to the movies some time".

In short I had to take the risk of getting rejected. And that happens sometimes. But today, after 4 years of doing this I have a circle of 4 very close male friends.

And about another four who may become with more time and more experiences close.

But remember I choose to avoid making friends or discussing this issue for 53 years. So don't put me on a pedestal.

If you want to talk more about this you can send me a Private Message, though I am happy to converse on the open forum as well.

Take care. Be well.

ps. "Insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result." Does this resonate for you?