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I did some backread & I realised how stressful my previous company was and I even felt a little stressed & exhausted just by reading it. I’ve been blaming myself too much for being different but now I realised that they were partly to blame too. Coz how come I did not feel that stressed when I...

After my rant and sleepless night, I decided to just suck it up & go on with hubby’s plan. I kept reminding myself that it was mainly for my son meeting his friend & not about the parents. Surprisingly, it went fine. Better than I expected. I think it helped that the couple were easy to talk...

Sigh it’s 2023 but I’m still the same old scaredy me. Anyway, my routine got better now that my baby is older & less clingy. We subscribed to a ready meal delivery service so it lightened my burden from cooking & planning meals. Generally, everything was good. But I’m here now right, which...

Seeing that my last entry was Aug last yr is a real progress lol. For update, everything is ok in general. But of course, I won’t be here today if I have no rants right? I’ve started the New Year doing pretty well. I was in control of myself & I’ve been productive. However, as February...

So the party was not held because my objection was obvious but we proceeded with inviting our close family friends (5 people). It went well. I had some awkward moments with the guests but not something that would make me recurrently think about & leave butterflies in my stomach for days. I’m...

Update: I gave birth 2 months ago. All is well except now that my anxiety has been triggered. Hence why I am here. Our family friend told my hubby when they can visit us. My hubby set the date. He told me about the upcoming visit. I did not like it but I said it’s fine thinking he will only...

To the few people who bothers to read my journal post lol, Happy New Year Everyone! I hope you’re doing fine despite this pandemic. Nothing much to say but pregnancy is doing well so far. I’m 20 weeks now so only a few more months till my due date. I stopped working at my previous job and...

Just a quick update: First: I got a new job and I’m starting next week. Second: I wanted to keep my previous job as a casual but the new company has a ‘conflict of interest’ policy which means I have to declare this casual job & they’ll decide if I can keep it or not. Third: It’s a...

I feel so insecure and worthless. Like I’m a liability to my son and husband because I could not be social like other wives. When he said Maybe if I’m a social person it would be easier for him to connect with other families. Like he won’t feel so guilty attending parties while I’m at home.…...

So I started feeling better after the weekend. But now some coworkers have started saying their advance goodbyes. One coworker has talked to each of us to bade his farewell. I effin cried when he came to me. 🥺 Sometimes I wish they just go so their disappearance will be instant and no heartaches...

Jeez this anxiety is giving me IBS. I’ve been going to the toilet like a 3rd time now. Saturday pls come quickly!

Anxiety is kicking in again. I woke up feeling butterflies in stomach just because I have to get up and face another day. I have to feed son and cook and go to work. How I wish I can freeze time just so I can have more free time for myself. I’ve been eating shtty because of this. I’m grabbing...

No matter how good the bond I had with a coworker, things will be different when I don’t see them anymore. It takes a much deeper and mutual relationship to make me comfortable to see them outside work. We have group chats but I know eventually that conversation will dwindle (lol is that an...

Adding to my pregnancy frustration I’m also feeling down because a lot of my co-workers are leaving. I’ve been ignoring it and acting like I’m not affected at all. But deep inside I’m sad. In my past job I never felt this way. Co-workers come and go and I’m just used to it. But this new...

Thanks for the comfort 🥺

What makes it worse is that everything is reminding me of that frustration. I have 2 pregnant coworkers and 1 is even a friend. Like we were talking about pregnancy this year and now she is actually pregnant and I’m still not. Then I see Facebook pics of friends with their 2 kids. Then there’s...

I’m here again which means I’m sad. Remember when I was so anxious about having a 2nd child? Now silly me is anxious about not having a 2nd child. It’s almost July and still no pregnancy happening. I’ve been using calendar apps but now I’m actually using an ovulation test kit and it’s been days...

Just did the test. Negative. My emotion is a mixed feeling of relief because I have to stop thinking about the ‘future’ for now, and disappointed because I really want another child. It’s possible that period is just delayed or I took the test too early. I’ll update here.

It must be too early to tell but I might be pregnant with our second child. We’ve been trying since the start of the year so I am totally aware of my cycle. Anyway, I am excited and anxious at the same time but I am more anxious right now. You see, my mind is already pondering about the future...

I’m in depressive state these days. I really want to improve myself, move more, eat healthier, sleep well but everytime I try I get stuck with the same routine of lying down all day and being dormant. I only get up to cook, feed my son and go to work. My days pass with my lingering frustration...