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Goddammit, I keep on saying to myself. I've been bottling up my self hatred for most of the summer, because I believed that I didn't deserve to release it in a constructive way. Now there's these very mean spirited people from my old school. One day, I completely lost it, and I facebooked...

Right now I'm having extreme intrusive thoughts about little kids. Thoughts about raping or touching little kids. And I'm getting a little groinal response. This is what is happening specifically: I automatically, without even thinking, say to myself "I wonder if I'll get aroused if so and so...