Point of No Return....

hello, my name is kevin and i am new to this forum and have hopes that it may help me in some way, just to know that there may be people like me out there makes me feel a little better, i have a major problem on my hands, and i would like to start off saying i was diagnosed with ADD when i was about 13, i took adderall for it, and zoloft, then i found they didnt work and i went through EVERY anti depressant/anxiety medication there is, so i turned to illicit drugs, i smoked marijuana for a couple years it did wonders, all of a sudden i had SEVERE PANIC ATTACKS, so i quit that immediately, then turned to alcohol which worked for a few years, now im almost 22yrs and recently started to have a panic attack once every few months, then once a month, then once a week, now im curled up into a ball thinking im dieing everyday, i can't even work, i took medical leave, im currently on xanax 2mg as needed, which is about 3 times a day for me, but i also take oxycontin and percocets recreationally everyday all day pretty much, i love the way they make me feel, but now it seems like they are turning on me so im weening myself off or trying to, and it seems like my life is just in a downward spiral, afraid to die and afraid to live, i have 2 kids and im about to lose everything. i see a therapist ontop of my regular doctor, and nothing is helping, if this continues i don't know if i will be able to handle it, my family doesnt understand it, they think im a drug addict, which i dont deny, but im trying to better myself and i feel like im dieing everyday, my life is one big panic, my question is, is there anyone else that feels like this? and do oxycontins induce panic? do my past drug use habits have anything to do with what im feeling today? im sorry for the long post and i appreciate anyone who has read all of it and replied. i feel like im about to hit my breaking point guys, please give me some input, thanks.
-kevn-

If you want to learn how to be response-able, maybe you can try ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy).

this is horrible, i mean i don't understand if im experiencing oxycontin withdrawls or just long-term effects of oxycontin , or if its the switching/taking of all the benzo's, my panic disorder or what?! im currently on valium 10mg 3x daily. i feel like im seriously losing my mind, dieing, pain. i just didn't know if anyone had any input on my situation, my doctor just throws me some valium and thats it. do i go to a detox center? im terrified of everything, i feel like im having a bad acid trip 24hrs a day.

Oxycontin... over here is nicknamed hilly billy heroin.... because thats basicaly what it is... its basicaly a legal version of heroin like moprhine i guess.So yeah taking that your going to get some very serious withdrawals,ive mucked about with drugs half my life.. and been addicted to heroin so i can really relate to where your at.I think its likley you have an anxiety disorder... but im not doctor and dont wanna be giving you "tags",but yeah taking that stuff is definatly making things ten times worse mate.

Go into detox or do it at home if you can honestyly do it... then try and find a doctor who actualy cares and doesnt just throw meds at you.You aslo asked about if your past habits might affect you now... in short i dunno... but like i said i can relate... ive self medicated most of my life and you sound in a really simlar posistion as i was,and i think its likley you have quite bad anxiety but its only just come out severley cos youve suppresed it most of your life self medicating.I dont think your loosing the plot... going mad or have fucked your self beyong the point of no return doing drugs... I just think self medicating has probaly suppresed your anxiety untill its got to this stage.

thank you Danfalc, that makes sense, i started taking oxy's along with any other mind-altering substances for years to subside my depression and now it's surfacing, drugs simply aren't working anymore, i appreciate your input, and you say you are self medicating yourself, what do you do and how does it affect you?(just curious)

thank you Danfalc, that makes sense, i started taking oxy's along with any other mind-altering substances for years to subside my depression and now it's surfacing, drugs simply aren't working anymore, i appreciate your input, and you say you are self medicating yourself, what do you do and how does it affect you?(just curious)

Sorry I didnt reply earlier,it was late last night and I had to shoot off.I dont self medicate myself these days tho its tempting too.The only thing i take is methadone which im legally given and im well on the way to nearly detoxing off that.

But when i did self medicate... well freakily exactly like you i took stuff to supress my depression.. mainly weed at first from when i was like 15 to 19/20.I smoked it all day evryday just to kinda escape...( i was taking extacy and coke aswell) it suppresed my depresion but i think it suppressed everything else aswell... my personality... my motivation ect.I eventualy got kicked out of home and i decided to quit to to try and get my life together.When i did that my anxiety hit me bad style... constant panick attacks,I honestly thought i had lost the plot big time.I moved on to heroin after that (because it just took all my problems away and my pain... and i could be around people widout anxiety)which is kinda what you have done i guess with oxycontin.And again that was just another way of escaping reality and i just ended up in a worse mess cos i stopped eating and sleeping ect.

I dunno if thats what you wanted to know but im happy to talk more if you need advice or anything.

I too have self medicated, and also would not know whether that has effected your current anixety. It does sound asthough you need to find another doctor if possible.

Have you considered talking therapies? I would like to say you are NOT beyond help, you can get out of this situation with support and correct medical advice. I understand when you say every day is like a bad acid trip, I have felt like that too, it is hellish. I have had to detox from valium in the past, it does, as with all benzo's have alot of side effects, mainly needing more and more to work. I currently take a small amount of valium, I can only get one 5mg tablet per day, which I don't always take. I don't think it does much for me anymore as I have taken it for so long. Alcohol is a demon, to be avoided at all costs if possible, as I am sure you would know.

I just want to reiterate, you CAN feel better with the right help. Here's to a brighter tomorrow.

Peace xxx

i appreciate the input guys, i have just a couple oxy's left, trying to ween myself off them quickly with small increments, wish me luck! i have the 10mg valiums too but im thinking that if i get through these oxycontin withdrawals then i have to face the valium withdrawals, and im not to familiar with benzo withdrawals, i know they can't be worse than opiates though. and for some reason i don't find the valium to be habit forming, i like uppers or anything that gives me an intense euphoria, you think my doctor would of moved me to methadone right? i mean just valium!? thats like a crackhead going from smoking crack everyday all day to quiting and taking nyquil! i don't understand.....i just know i have 2 beautiful kids and a wife and i dont want to lose them......-kevn-

Just wanted to say good luck and i think its really great your trying to turn things round for your kids and wife Keep us updated with how you doing.And dont beat yourself up if you slip up a few times... cos its easy to get depressed when that happens and give up trying but you will get there if you want to.