People that cause us anxiety - what is the link?

Am still on my quest to try and overcome my SA. I feel very happy that I understand my fear of speaking now (which I wrote a post explaining) so have been looking into why certain people trigger my anxiety.

Now don't get me wrong here, we all will suffer differently about what sorts of people make us anxious, but there must be a link as to why certain people make you anxious (or more anxious) than others.

Last night I was working on this and wrote a list of people and types of people who trigger my anxiety and people who don't. I have a huge list of people who don't trigger my anxiety - for instance family, friends, people I work close with, but also people I work with who I seem to be comfortable around and don't feel they would be critical of me, even though I don't know them that well. But you can add to that for instance old people who I don't really know, I am pretty much anxiety free around eldery people, when I am at a supermarket and go to the checkout I am confident and fine if the checkout person seems to be 'mature', yet around women my age or any young women (and even more so if they look looks orientated) I do feel very anxious and self conscious. Whereas with men I don't feel as much anxiety. I also feel anxious around teenagers and kids and I am sure this is because I suffered years of ridicule/bullying at high school age and seem to have attached beliefs that people of that age are really horrible, they have no thoughts for other peoples feelings.

Yet more people who trigger my anxiety - people like authority, meeting new people, being the centre of attention of a lot of people, neighbours who I don't really know, etc.

This may all sound a load of rubbish, but the fact my anxiety differs around different people is very encouraging, because it suggests there is a fear that has not been addressed and I am seeing certain people as threatening or my mind is recognising a danger around those people.

The fact I myself (and am sure many others with SA here too) suffer no anxiety around close family or friends shows that there is definitely some link regarding my anxiety and trusting people, seeing people as a danger, placing huge importance of what these people are thinking (those who trigger my anxiety) towards me for what they think to matter so much, and undoubtedly there must be serious concerns/worries that I don't want people thinking a certain way about me. I just have to work out what this hidden problem is that is triggering fear around certain people. When I wrote down the list of names of who I am not anxious around there really did seem a link - people who I don't believe look at me critically, I know I am in no danger of them thinking negatives about me. It seems like maybe I am attaching fear to the people I do because my mind links similar sort of people to them to people who in the past have really been very nasty to me and made me feel so unhappy. I have to sort out the fears a.s.a.p. because that is the past and I really want to leave things in the past now and look to the future and aim to be successful and happy and live life being able to be myself. But its not possible when your mind is seeing people as dangerous.

Consciously I know people are not dangerous, its a matter of putting my fears to rest once and for all. I have been working very hard at accepting myself in recent times and feel I am starting to really accept myself, I mean for sure I still have a few hang ups, but who doesn't. But I don't care any more if people want to think negative things of me, I say that consciously, I mean if someone thinks I am an ugly freak then let them, if someone thinks I am a weirdo then fine - they don't know me well if they think that. But like I say I just want to live life now being me - and that does not mean that I will act like a jerk just because I don't care what people think of me, it means living life without anxiety around people like most people seem to do, allowing myself to show how good a person I am and how much I have to offer.

So this is what I am currently looking into in order to overcome my SA - working out the link of why I get anxious around the people I do - i.e. what is it that they all trigger that makes me anxious.

Would like some replies if you have anything to say in relation to this.

Am bored at work, so thought I would write a little bit more in relation to this.

For instance if we have attached fear to a situation, maybe its public speaking, introducing yourself to a group of people, maybe its something like meeting a new person and having to interact with socially, maybe its work related and you have to train a new employee your job - or maybe its more specific such as speaking out loud.

That activity is so scary because of all the negative labels you have attached to this situation or task (or person if you linking it to a person you feel huge anxiety around). It would appear that over the years and constantly think negative things about it and avoiding it because it was scary and you ended up believing it was so terrible and scary that you become so scared you have huge panic attacks, etc - well the fear of the situation now that you fear has just gone to pot. i.e. public speaking - what is the worst that can happen - you could go up there and just totally stuff up, not get your words out, show how nervous you are and shaking and just stood there having a panic attack.

But is that really that big a deal in reality? I mean we will just come across extremely nervous - and public speaking is the world's biggest fear, so its not a surprise if someone seems really really nervous. You will still go home on the evening and the next day its all over and done with. If you could think of a cool way to react to the worst happening and say I am so sorry I had a really bad presentation last time I did this, etc.

I just think that the fear we feel doesn't reflect the worst case scenario. If you can detach the negative and scary labels by putting things back into reality, it would seem like you would go into the situations with mild anxiety at worst and probably be able to perform well.
Nerves are supposed to be good, but only up to a level, but when they are so much that they just take over and paralyse you then they are very bad.

I think that is why practice is a known way of reducing fear as your brain realises there is nothing to fear and that you can do it fine and in no danger. But surely you can have the same effect by changing beliefs on a situation or person or task. Things need to be pulled back into reality.

A lot of people fear standing in a queue, but what is the worst that can happen? Someone may think that they are weird or ugly. That is given someone even notices you and thinks about you. But so what if one random stranger thinks something like that? It doesn't matter, it has no impact on life whatsoever. I mean I was at the supermarket at the weekend, imagine someone thought such things of me, what does it matter now? Yet, because if you fear that you have attached so many negative labels and fears on it the anxiety is so high.

The reality is that all social situations are nothing. It has no impact on our life in reality or our health, if someone thinks we are boring or ugly or weird or stupid or not clever, etc, etc - well there are a billion or so people on earth, a small % of people will think that way just like if 10 million people entered the lotto some people will good prizes.

Maybe its time an evaluation took place of people, situations or tasks we fear. The fear of what can go wrong needs re-evaluating and brought back into line. I mean I for instance go to jelly around this girl I fancy at work who I seem to walk past every day in the corridor. But what is the worst that can happen? That she sees me and thinks I don't like him, he is ugly! Well for starters there is no chance I will find out if she thinks that. If she doesn't like me for how I look well I suppose that is a shame, but so what?

Its easier said than done but in reality if you can get your head around the situation it must be possible to see a situation as non fearful when it really is non fearful.

I will work on this in the next few days and see how I get on.