Ddarko
Well-known member
Odd little things that have helped my social anxiety somewhat:
1. Getting rejected: the other day I was in class and I was quite exhausted from work. So when the professor asked students for comments on the text we were reading, I decided to go out on a limb and make a few conjectures regarding the concepts under discussion (I was tired that day, so my voice wasn't quite as shaky as it usually is: I just didn't care very much; it was also a small class, so that helped). Lo and behold, his reply was, “No, no. I don’t think that’s true...” I was totally rejected! I knew I was going out on a limb giving my opinion like that, but then something strange happened: in my mind, I told myself that the text we were reading was subjective by its very nature and that, although the professor was more knowledgeable than I, he could still be wrong. I also reminded myself that creativity was often the result of bravery. In short, I told myself to screw the professor’s opinion... well, okay, not quite. But I told myself that I just didn’t care that much about whether I was right or wrong. Something welled up inside me, some kind of rebellious force that said "I've had enough, I don't care who thinks what I say is wrong... by God I'll say it." So after class I went up and had a conversation with him for the first time, and it came out great. Talking to my professors is usually something which strikes me as akin to preparing to summit Mt. Everest: not something you'd want to contemplate in a normal state of mind or without planning the entire thing out. But that day it was totally spontaneous and totally smooth.
2. Having one or two crazy friends (or more if possible): I am very shy and quiet, and I do not make friends easily. In fact, I tend to avoid people unless there is someone whom I feel unusually attracted to. But I am still friends with some old roommates of mine, and some of their friends have become my friends. We’ve gone our separate ways to some degree: I to graduate school and they to jobs and such. But my friends outside my normal circle and daily routine are a life-saver because they serve to release me from an otherwise tired routine. Since I’m so quiet and reserved, I like people who are somewhat crazy and unpredictable to counterbalance me. Find one or two crazy people (who are also kind and caring) and hold onto them as they drag you into new realms of experience! I'm beginning to believe this one is really key. If you can chance upon even one crazy friend, don't let them go. Open yourself to them, let them take you where they will. Don't burden them with your worries too much, especially at first; be thankful you've got them.
3. Smoking marijuana: okay, I know this isn’t for everyone... and don’t do it if you are not comfortable. But if you do it socially then it can be quite fun. For me, this is connected to my crazy friends who introduced me to the drug. I just make a rule: only smoke socially. Do it in a safe place and preferably a private place. The interesting thing about marijuana is that it allows you to say all kinds of weird things out of the blue. Because of this, it can allow for some pretty interesting interpersonal experiences... and can actually bring you closer to someone else in a peculiar kind of way.
4. Drinking socially: only if you’re of age of course! And this one is obvious: imbibing the sacred nectar of our modern age is a necessary ingredient in any social situation for a social phobic! Again, another rule of mine: restrict it to social situations and gatherings where alcohol is appropriate and/or present.
5. Do odd little things every now and again: like maybe you feel like drinking 2 red bulls before class just because it makes you giddy. Or maybe stay up late into the night listening to your favorite music. Being tired can actually make you lower your guard in a social situation. Or go outside, walk down a street, and enter a casual restaurant you’ve never been in before: take a book or newspaper and order something. Ignore the other people, just go sit by yourself and act eccentric and egocentric like you are absolutely absorbed in your book. Screw the other people: you are a bohemian and you’ve got something to prove! (this does not work so well in formal restaurants; do it at lunch time) Do this each week and soon you’ll know some good places to eat. If you are still in high school this will be more difficult; but have faith: life for social phobics begins after high school!
6. Tell yourself that you are a strange breed: okay, this one may sound a little off. But I'm beginning to think it may work. I've been doing a little searching on some social disorders lately and I've found that there are many disorders which are closely related to one another: social anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, OCD, Asperger's, generalized anxiety, love-shyness, paranoid personality disorders, etc etc. Now there seems to be some consensus that these disorders are often co-morbid and thus do overlap. So I figure that there could be so many things wrong with me that I don't even want to contemplate it, that if I contemplate it I'll eventually come to the conclusion that everyone in society is somehow deeply screwed up in one way or another. So you learn to embrace your oddities and just drop the whole thing: I don't care what I've got, I'm just weird and you're weird and we are all very strange individuals. I don't have many friends, and that may be depressing from time to time, but who the heck cares. I've got social anxiety and I've come to the point where I don't care anymore because that's the only way I think I'm ever going to shake it off.
Obviously, this list is very experimental. But I think some of these things have actually worked a little bit. Anyone else have similar little things that have helped?
1. Getting rejected: the other day I was in class and I was quite exhausted from work. So when the professor asked students for comments on the text we were reading, I decided to go out on a limb and make a few conjectures regarding the concepts under discussion (I was tired that day, so my voice wasn't quite as shaky as it usually is: I just didn't care very much; it was also a small class, so that helped). Lo and behold, his reply was, “No, no. I don’t think that’s true...” I was totally rejected! I knew I was going out on a limb giving my opinion like that, but then something strange happened: in my mind, I told myself that the text we were reading was subjective by its very nature and that, although the professor was more knowledgeable than I, he could still be wrong. I also reminded myself that creativity was often the result of bravery. In short, I told myself to screw the professor’s opinion... well, okay, not quite. But I told myself that I just didn’t care that much about whether I was right or wrong. Something welled up inside me, some kind of rebellious force that said "I've had enough, I don't care who thinks what I say is wrong... by God I'll say it." So after class I went up and had a conversation with him for the first time, and it came out great. Talking to my professors is usually something which strikes me as akin to preparing to summit Mt. Everest: not something you'd want to contemplate in a normal state of mind or without planning the entire thing out. But that day it was totally spontaneous and totally smooth.
2. Having one or two crazy friends (or more if possible): I am very shy and quiet, and I do not make friends easily. In fact, I tend to avoid people unless there is someone whom I feel unusually attracted to. But I am still friends with some old roommates of mine, and some of their friends have become my friends. We’ve gone our separate ways to some degree: I to graduate school and they to jobs and such. But my friends outside my normal circle and daily routine are a life-saver because they serve to release me from an otherwise tired routine. Since I’m so quiet and reserved, I like people who are somewhat crazy and unpredictable to counterbalance me. Find one or two crazy people (who are also kind and caring) and hold onto them as they drag you into new realms of experience! I'm beginning to believe this one is really key. If you can chance upon even one crazy friend, don't let them go. Open yourself to them, let them take you where they will. Don't burden them with your worries too much, especially at first; be thankful you've got them.
3. Smoking marijuana: okay, I know this isn’t for everyone... and don’t do it if you are not comfortable. But if you do it socially then it can be quite fun. For me, this is connected to my crazy friends who introduced me to the drug. I just make a rule: only smoke socially. Do it in a safe place and preferably a private place. The interesting thing about marijuana is that it allows you to say all kinds of weird things out of the blue. Because of this, it can allow for some pretty interesting interpersonal experiences... and can actually bring you closer to someone else in a peculiar kind of way.
4. Drinking socially: only if you’re of age of course! And this one is obvious: imbibing the sacred nectar of our modern age is a necessary ingredient in any social situation for a social phobic! Again, another rule of mine: restrict it to social situations and gatherings where alcohol is appropriate and/or present.
5. Do odd little things every now and again: like maybe you feel like drinking 2 red bulls before class just because it makes you giddy. Or maybe stay up late into the night listening to your favorite music. Being tired can actually make you lower your guard in a social situation. Or go outside, walk down a street, and enter a casual restaurant you’ve never been in before: take a book or newspaper and order something. Ignore the other people, just go sit by yourself and act eccentric and egocentric like you are absolutely absorbed in your book. Screw the other people: you are a bohemian and you’ve got something to prove! (this does not work so well in formal restaurants; do it at lunch time) Do this each week and soon you’ll know some good places to eat. If you are still in high school this will be more difficult; but have faith: life for social phobics begins after high school!
6. Tell yourself that you are a strange breed: okay, this one may sound a little off. But I'm beginning to think it may work. I've been doing a little searching on some social disorders lately and I've found that there are many disorders which are closely related to one another: social anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, OCD, Asperger's, generalized anxiety, love-shyness, paranoid personality disorders, etc etc. Now there seems to be some consensus that these disorders are often co-morbid and thus do overlap. So I figure that there could be so many things wrong with me that I don't even want to contemplate it, that if I contemplate it I'll eventually come to the conclusion that everyone in society is somehow deeply screwed up in one way or another. So you learn to embrace your oddities and just drop the whole thing: I don't care what I've got, I'm just weird and you're weird and we are all very strange individuals. I don't have many friends, and that may be depressing from time to time, but who the heck cares. I've got social anxiety and I've come to the point where I don't care anymore because that's the only way I think I'm ever going to shake it off.
Obviously, this list is very experimental. But I think some of these things have actually worked a little bit. Anyone else have similar little things that have helped?
