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Old 08-20-2009
Arizona_Grown's Avatar
Newbie User

So i met someone through e harmony. We talked for a few months and discovered we were both OCD pure O with associated Panic Anxiety Disorter and PTSD. We have both had pure O since we were as young as 4. Obviously there was a major bond when we realized how similar we were in so many ways. Both of us were in a realtionship about 5 years ago where we were obsessed with our partner and lost that partner after being in the relationship for years. This left us both in the cold robotic state of mind.

So since then i have dated many people. Jumping from person to person unable to be confident in my feelings for anyone. I told the person i met on e harmony all of this. I told him that because of our similarities i wanted to meet but that he needed to understand i felt like i was in no possition to be his girlfriend. He said that was no problem. He also had been numb for the last 5 years and unable to have feelings for anyone else.

Now unfortunatly this is going to get long since i need to explain both sides in order to get accurate advice. I hope someone is willing to spare the time.

So after hanging out about 3 times my partner with OCD admitted to me he was suffering panic attacks do to strong feelings of obsession for me. I care about him very much and have continued to be with him for a few weeks now. The panic attacks happen several times a day and we have been having a very hard time deciding the best way to handle it.

Getting to know him i would really love to have a relationship with him but im very very afraid to take it to that level because he can not get hurt like he did 5 years ago again obviously and im so ice cold right now. I feel like i cant trust myself. I have been so awful to the recent guys due to my confusion and frustration. I dont want to do that to this guy.

In additon to the struggle going on between us. Him being afraid to get in the relationship because he is so attached and me afraid to get in it because i dont know if i can get attached this morning he entered the all too familiar OCD doubting stage. Now like me he feels numb again constantly doubting his feelings and afraid where that leaves us. So where do we go from here? Two people with Pure O OCD that know we care about eachother but are constantly doubting our true feelings for eachother due to being used to love meaning obsessed over. Has anyone gone through this or gotten past this in a relationship? I feel like we are a mess and that it will never work but i really want to believe that is not true.
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Old 08-20-2009
getbornagain's Avatar
Intermediate User

This is difficult. Firstly, I think that's awesome you found someone else with Pure O. I'd love to meet a chick my age with pure O, that's quite a conversation starter lol.... You need to realize OCD is nicknamed 'the doubting disease' for a reason. OCD obviously ruined relationships for you in the past, because of the constant doubting. My opinion about your situation is that the doubt is masking your true feelings, and you need to start ignoring the doubt or you'll miss out on alot in your life.

OCD, more specifically pure O, creates synthetic thoughts and/or synthetic feelings. They are not real, but they seem really ****ing real. Try and pinpoint the doubt, and dismiss it. It's consuming you.
getbornagain is offline  
Old 09-11-2009

I can seriously relate to what you are going through. What you have described as your past is almost exactly my story as well. I have Pure O Ocd, anxiety disorder, and resulting depression and lost the love of my life because of it. It causes me to be extremely depressed and makes it almost impossible for me to trust myself in a relationship.
What I have learned about this disorder is that the thoughts and obsessions that I force myself to have are not who I really am. I may go crazy over them and fear that one day I may act them out, but deep down I have discovered that I will never perform any of these acts.
From the letter you posted, it seems that you are a very deep and sensitive person with a lot to offer. And if someone like you likes this dude, then I am sure that he is really worthwhile as well.
I don't know what the answer is, but I can offer this small piece of advice: Being a guy with similar disorders, I can say that the best thing a women could do for me in situations where I am losing control is to touch my cheek, look me straight in the eyes and say "go ahead and go crazy, I'll be here when you get back."
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