Not coping

Hi, I just found this forum because, it's nearly midnight and I can't sleep anymore. I've always been really good at keeping my OCD under control, but I'm having a bad patch and I don't remember it ever being this scary before, I've been doing sooo well at doing my stupid little ritules but now I cant stop the bad thoughs and there even seeming rational at the moment. I have a one year old son and since he was born I'm just sooo scared all the time, not just the normal stuff, but at the moment I'm on the our worlds going to crap kick and what ifs keep going through my head and how am I ment to keep him safe, lets face it not completely unrational, but I cant control them and I should be so happy at the moment I have a wonderful baby and I'm getting married in 8 months, and maybe that why its so bad at the moment but that sucks because I want to be happy like everyone else gets to be!!

and what if he has OCD, i cant stand the idea of him going through this

Are you on meds at all? I stopped sleeping completely when I was 15 (if I had a dollar for every infomercial I've seen....) and then was put on Luvox and Klonopin, the Klonopin was only a temporary thing to make me sleep while I was waiting for the Luvox to start working. Even if you prefer not to go on meds, I'd kinda suggest it at least for a while.

If he ends up with OCD, that's pretty shitty but there is a bright side here---you would be able to recognize and understand it early on and do a better job helping than non OCD parents with no experience in this at all would. Mine try to understand and have read books on it but they'll never really know, you've been through it first hand.