My introduction

I've just discovered this website and when I saw the name of it I immediately thought that is something I can relate to.

What's my situation? I'm 36, educated and I look fine (not conceited or lieing, but I look okay).

I was a real extrovert until my teens. I was small for my age and felt out of depth as a teenager. I was never the type to fit in with others or be part of a group. After numerous bad experiences with people, I became reclusive and also fearful of various group situations.

Over time, I gradually overcame my fear of public situations. I still find socializing stressful, but I'm not fearful of it. I'm still a loner, and generally prefer my own company.

I find people irritate/offend me. I am over-sensitive.

I got married in the last couple of years, I met a lady through a mutual friend while working abroad, to cut a long story short it was a torturous, painful experience. The wife was often moody because her family lived in a different country, because of her moods we drifted apart and the marriage ended.

I was miffed because I had so much love to give, but it was never reciprocated in my view.

It was my first marriage, it was a big step for me to marry but I thought it was worth a try.

The divorce came through last April.

I am absolutely 'mad' about women. I spend virtually all of my spare time dreaming of them. I've always appreciated the multi-faceted nature of women, and that's what makes me desire them most of the time.

When I say multi-faceted, I love the fact they can be maternal, attractive, considerate, sensitive etc. I love the whole picture. (Nerd, I know)

I am damned if I do, damned if I don't. I sometimes desperately crave female company, but at other times I feel glad to be alone, especially in light of the failed marriage.

I want to be totally intimate with someone, close to them in every way, not just in the obvious sense. I dream of being in that state, I wish I could have that all the time sometimes. To be close to someone all the time would be lovely, unrealistic definitely, but that's my dream.

I'm a bit emotional and over-sensitive. I channel my emotions creatively. I am putting the final touches to an album of music I've made.

I feel a massive sense of emptiness because of the missing woman in my life. I also feel a bit sad because I have lots of love to offer and it is not being put to use. I feel I am a waste of space in the love department.

I'm not looking for pity/sympathy, but I feel a terrific sense of relief saying what I feel.

In summary, I am educated, a loving/kind individual and I look okay. Sometimes, I scratch my head and think 'why am I so very unpopular with women?'

'Why has my life been so unsuccessful with women?' It's not self-pity, but a realization of how I am slowly wasting away due to lack of love and affection I am able to give and receive.

I feel like nothing I do will ever make a woman love me and sadly, reality has confirmed that.

Dub16 said:

The relationship stuff will come naturally.

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Except that it doesn't "come naturally" to people like us (well, at least for me it doesn't), that's why we have issues in the first place. By all means, focus on what you love to do, but I wouldn't count on that magically causing a relationship to "come naturally" out of nowhere.

combat said:

Except that it doesn't "come naturally" to people like us (well, at least for me it doesn't), that's why we have issues in the first place. By all means, focus on what you love to do, but I wouldn't count on that magically causing a relationship to "come naturally" out of nowhere.

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Exactly. "It comes naturally" is a misleading piece of advice which can easily make you stay single for a lifetime. Especially people who aren't subjected to lots of other people in a social setting can remain relationship-less for an indefinite amount of time, if they don't actively look. Even men without issues would be far less successful with women, were they not to meet and talk to countless of them on a weekly basis.