I
IFlySoloAllDayAndAllNight
Guest
I have been very socially handicapped for quite some time now. I barely talk to anyone but my closest friends or family, and I rarely go out for social events (if I even do).
But my problem is that, about a year ago when this started happening, I began to develop schizophrenia, a mind disease which consists of hallucinations and delusions, and paranoia,
so I would just like to know whether or not my social handicap is because of AvPD, or my schizophrenia. I will below, describe my experiences, and if you can relate to, or really understand to what I am going through then please tell me..
I have already talked with many other schizophrenics, and I understand how their symptoms affect them and how it affects their social life. But, my problem is that, I feel like I have a more severe case than theirs, and I have many other symptoms that I cannot relate to with them. So, I was just wondering if the differences in my social problems with schizophrenics are because I also suffer from AvPD...
So, please tell me if you can understand/relate/recognize my symptoms and if my experiences seem very similar to yours or have many common features, so I can better discern if I truly have it.
*also, you might think, why don't you go to a doctor to get diagnosed? Well, I did, but he doesn't want me to worry about that because he wants to focus on helping my schizophrenia...
anyways, so basically, when I am around people, I am okay if there is no interaction between anybody. I am comfortable sitting next to people I don't know or making a few eye contact here and there, but the minute I begin to interact/socialize with someone comes my problems. At first, when someone approaches me and begins to talk with me, I feel like I have to be extra nice, because I am afraid they'll think I'm being rude. Also, while I am talking to them I am so afraid that they will not like me, and everything they say, I always wonder if it comes from a good intention or not. I can't trust anyone, I don't feel like anyone can GENUINELY love me or like me anymore. I don't think anyone would really care about me because I basically don't have a personality and am highly uninteresting.
Also, when I am introduced to someone or I just meet some stranger, if they begin to be really nice to me, and try and make some kind of "friendly connection" I just feel sooooo uncomfortable. If they are being so nice with me, I just feel more pressure to impress them and keep them to like me, and I try to avoid those people because it is just too much stress talking with them. I never want to talk to anyone if I feel like I will disappoint them and see me as someone they will remember not to hang out with later. I am just really afraid of being judged the wrong way...
Also I am so scared to talk, especially in a group setting, because the idea of everyone listening to what I am saying makes me SOOOO self-conscious. I just am so afraid that they will think their head, "this guy is so stupid/boring/lame" and really not want to listen to what I have to say and I feel like no one will think that anything I say will be of importance to them. I think it comes from a very bad self-image I have of myself..
But I do have to say when I am around people whom I don't care what their opinion is about me, or someone I have known for so long that I don't worry about being rejected, I
am completely okay with talking with them and interacting with them.
so please! give me your thoughts & input
might I have AvPD, or are my experiences really different from yours and you think it might just be the schizophrenia...
anything would be great!
thanks.
But my problem is that, about a year ago when this started happening, I began to develop schizophrenia, a mind disease which consists of hallucinations and delusions, and paranoia,
so I would just like to know whether or not my social handicap is because of AvPD, or my schizophrenia. I will below, describe my experiences, and if you can relate to, or really understand to what I am going through then please tell me..
I have already talked with many other schizophrenics, and I understand how their symptoms affect them and how it affects their social life. But, my problem is that, I feel like I have a more severe case than theirs, and I have many other symptoms that I cannot relate to with them. So, I was just wondering if the differences in my social problems with schizophrenics are because I also suffer from AvPD...
So, please tell me if you can understand/relate/recognize my symptoms and if my experiences seem very similar to yours or have many common features, so I can better discern if I truly have it.
*also, you might think, why don't you go to a doctor to get diagnosed? Well, I did, but he doesn't want me to worry about that because he wants to focus on helping my schizophrenia...
anyways, so basically, when I am around people, I am okay if there is no interaction between anybody. I am comfortable sitting next to people I don't know or making a few eye contact here and there, but the minute I begin to interact/socialize with someone comes my problems. At first, when someone approaches me and begins to talk with me, I feel like I have to be extra nice, because I am afraid they'll think I'm being rude. Also, while I am talking to them I am so afraid that they will not like me, and everything they say, I always wonder if it comes from a good intention or not. I can't trust anyone, I don't feel like anyone can GENUINELY love me or like me anymore. I don't think anyone would really care about me because I basically don't have a personality and am highly uninteresting.
Also, when I am introduced to someone or I just meet some stranger, if they begin to be really nice to me, and try and make some kind of "friendly connection" I just feel sooooo uncomfortable. If they are being so nice with me, I just feel more pressure to impress them and keep them to like me, and I try to avoid those people because it is just too much stress talking with them. I never want to talk to anyone if I feel like I will disappoint them and see me as someone they will remember not to hang out with later. I am just really afraid of being judged the wrong way...
Also I am so scared to talk, especially in a group setting, because the idea of everyone listening to what I am saying makes me SOOOO self-conscious. I just am so afraid that they will think their head, "this guy is so stupid/boring/lame" and really not want to listen to what I have to say and I feel like no one will think that anything I say will be of importance to them. I think it comes from a very bad self-image I have of myself..
But I do have to say when I am around people whom I don't care what their opinion is about me, or someone I have known for so long that I don't worry about being rejected, I
am completely okay with talking with them and interacting with them.
so please! give me your thoughts & input
might I have AvPD, or are my experiences really different from yours and you think it might just be the schizophrenia...
anything would be great!
thanks.