life is a nightmare...

I feel like... my life is a movie sometimes. This really isn't good. It seems like my life likes to take on situations that play on my fears. Like my life (even though it's still REALISTIC in the sense that there are no monsters or whatever) my life still seems make situations that play on my fears, all the time, and I wonder why this doesn't happen to many people? Maybe I am my own worst enemy but I am out of control and I need someone else's help before I kill myself!

If I create all these situations it would be very messed up. But I don't know if I am unique or what because I see a lot of people who don't just magickally create negative situations in their lives. Do I really have such a powerful mind that it can do these things and I just need to learn to control it? All I know is I don't see that many people in this world magically creating their own demise.

I'm sorry it seems things are just assymetrical to everything that I am and what I stand for. Do I create these situations as if by magic? If I do am I unique? Are my thoughts really that powerful (where as other people don't have such powerful thoughts) and I just need to learn to control them before I become really truly destructive. I might need help. Of course if I am my own worst enemy and I don't know how to end it, how am I going to get help in the long run?

I swear everything seems to just play on my fears. Every single situation, like it's a grand conspiracy. Even if I don't fear it wouldn't matter I guess. I think I am past that.

I don't know , maybe it's a delusion, but I think all these bad things that happen to me happen supernaturally. It's not normal at all.

And It's not that if I stop fearing these things will go away. These situations just happen to play on my demise regardless of whether I fear it or not. The goal is to incapacitate me. My fears have nothing to do with it but just to probably make things worse.

Um...I don't think you have any magic powers dude...

I may just take everything too personal. Anything that happens I can blow it out of proportion and call it the end of the world.or I think I am special (spacial).

alright maybe I don't have special powers but my life (or life circumstances) does seem to be controlled by some higher "evil" force.

Your thoughts are that powerful and you are creating all of this. You have just gone into the opposite direction in regards to creating your life and it causing you turmoil. People that you observe may not be conscious of their thoughts and how it creates their seemingly happy life, but in actuality that is exactly what they are doing, they probably have more positive thoughts overall than negative ones.

You talk about how every situation is playing off your fears. When you constantly thinking about your fears, that is what is going to be a major component of your life. For example, say you get a new car, and then all of sudden you start seeing that car wherever you go, like everyone has it. Your fear is so much in your awareness that you keep noticing over and over again, and you could even say, creating circumstances for it to arise.

You then say that if you didn't have the fear you would still have bad things happen to you. Just the mere thought of believing bad things are going to happen is going to give you bad things. As well as the thought of NOT wanting bad things, is still going to bring on bad things. You must only focus on positive happenings, which can be difficult at first.

You can control your thoughts and I would suggest practicing it, but just observe them and let the negative ones go away and replace them with positive ones. It's amazing how far your thoughts can drive you, for better or worse.

I think it really is impossible. How can a mentally insane person control his/her thoughts? Or even learn? It's like saying how can a person with no legs walk? Sure they can do things which normal people with legs can do but can they walk? Can a mentally retarded person, not be mentally retarded? can a person with no capacity to do what he needs to do, do what he needs to? it feels like I am really trying to lift a huge almost impossible weight to lift, and I am atrophying or something, meanwhile that weight is crushing me and there is nobody around that can help me............ even if they might have tried or are trying, before they know it or I, I may even die.

All this I am saying because it reflects to laws of nature, and physics. A person who is shot 300 times in the head is GOING TO DIE. There is no way to turn that around. It is nature, it is physics, it is gravity. And life is like.. a double edged sword. Or... my life is one narrow as f*ck tightrope I gotta walk above a firey pit of hell, and I'm like, only 5-6 feet above it. In fact I probably already fell, and am in freefall, but going in slow motion (at least right now) so that the only thing left to do is to fucking enjoy this terrible suffering.

no1 said:

I think it really is impossible. How can a mentally insane person control his/her thoughts? Or even learn? It's like saying how can a person with no legs walk? Sure they can do things which normal people with legs can do but can they walk? Can a mentally retarded person, not be mentally retarded? can a person with no capacity to do what he needs to do, do what he needs to? it feels like I am really trying to lift a huge almost impossible weight to lift, and I am atrophying or something, meanwhile that weight is crushing me and there is nobody around that can help me............ even if they might have tried or are trying, before they know it or I, I may even die.

All this I am saying because it reflects to laws of nature, and physics. A person who is shot 300 times in the head is GOING TO DIE. There is no way to turn that around. It is nature, it is physics, it is gravity. And life is like.. a double edged sword. Or... my life is one narrow as f*ck tightrope I gotta walk above a firey pit of hell, and I'm like, only 5-6 feet above it. In fact I probably already fell, and am in freefall, but going in slow motion (at least right now) so that the only thing left to do is to fucking enjoy this terrible suffering.

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You can pray too.