Journal to Help get me Talking

Gallahad

Member
I signed up quite some time ago but as me can see I haven't said to much for the fear of looking stupid. I avoid alot of things dealing with people that make me uncomfortable. I'm not unfriendly with new people but I push them away because I'm afraid of not being liked.

Funny thing is my job deals with people alot and yet there I'm ok. Maybe its because I've worked there for almost six years. I do not like evaluations though I have been known to get upset and sometimes cry.

Today I did something idiotic on a website I play. The owner sometimes does youtube videos about whats going on in the site. Thinking it was that I clicked it. I'm very glad my computer doesn't have a camera or mic. It was a live chat to answer questions. So now I am thinking of quitting even though I enjoy the site because you know they are gonna know who made a complete fool of themselves.

On happier notes

I love my two ferrets Abby and Ella. I'm more out to tell people about them when they ask. They help me not feel like a total lost cause.
 

Gallahad

Member
For awhile now I've been thinking I have AvPD. Its why I joined here actually. I have a small group of friends, but I am always worried about how they perceive me and if they decided to abandon me. I have a wonderful sister who I can't even see because I avoid her because I am afraid of rejection because I have been avoiding her. To be honest I barely leave my house other then to go to work. I feel like I am in a cage.

I have only had two panic attacks in my lifetime and were caused by unrelated events.
I just feel very uncomfortable in social situations.
 
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