Aric
New member
I have never really known what OCD was until high school people would ask me if I had it because of weird things I did. And I never noticed them as being weird, I assumed it was normal to be so organized, line up everything around me and on my desk, etc. and then I started thinking more deeply about things that I have done since I could remember. On long car trips I used to tap at every telephone pole and what I guessed was the middle of the last and one the next one, it would get so bad and I couldn't stop but I was too young to think anything of it. I also have had weird problems with food as anyone had connections with OCD and food? Since I was a baby my mom said I wouldn't even eat cherrios, I hate crust and ends bleh, I cut or eat around every edge of any food you could think of and pick off burnt parts of everything. Even when I was younger I used to pick the end off of french fries but I grew out of that, and my parents have never mentioned OCD or about why I would do things like that, but I have never told them about anything. I can't stand working and getting one hand wet I can't help myself to make the other wet. Or touching on arm I have to touch the other, I sit symmetrical, I touch my face on both sides with both hands in the same matter no matter what. My ex g/f noticed that I couldn't go with out doing. Has any one else ever thought things were normal until someone asked 'Whats wrong with you?'. I can't stand the feeling of a bump under my foot unless its done the same way and place on my other foot, I constantly find my self back stepping to accomplish it even though I try so hard not to let it happen. Wow, so what else?Numbers are a huge thing, I can't stand odd numbers for my alarm or volumes and change it no matter what. Everything in my room is lined up perfectly and I thought making my bed and vacuuming all the time was normal, until girls I had over said Wow do you have OCD or something I have never seen a guys room this clean and perfect. Never crossed my mind once that it was something odd, but now I realize everywhere I go i line things up from chairs in the restaurant, cans in the grocery store while waiting for people to shop, or re folding clothes in a store while the girlfriend shops and pushing back all the clothes on racks. I have a slight fear of phobia of germs, but I have taught myself you can't avoid every handle or person around. But I will still always open bathroom doors with the paper towel. I do get a lot of depressing thoughts but thought most of it was normal teenage stuff. But the more I read into other people thoughts I feel like its ideas straight from my head. Wanting to drive over the cliff on the road, just because, just to see who cares, who would be there if i didn't die. Wanting to just be hit walking or driving. I sometimes feel myself wishing something horrible would happen to me and I would just wake up in the hospital and wanted to know who would have been there. And I have never told anyone about thoughts like that, but it seems like a lot of people do think like that. I do think about suicide a lot and think how much easier shit would be But I cancel them out thinking about growing up and having kids and a wife and the ideas go away for a little bit.
