Hey everyone. Well I went way overboard as I sometimes do. But here are some things to remember for anyone that has social anxiety. I wrote this as a response to someone's thread who was new and asking for help. An hour or two later I had this really long reply. I changed it slightly to remove any reference to him and posted it here since I took the time to write it. Maybe it will help someone if they come across it and have the time to read it 
1) There are a lot of people with the same problem
Many people are going through the same problem. I've had social anxiety since I was young and many other people have it. I was living with my parents from when I was 23 to 27 for about 5 years. I'm now 33 though and when I was about 27 I saw a therapist and worked really hard to improve my social anxiety and it has really improved my life. Also, many other people have the same problem so you aren't alone with this.
2) The most important thing is that you want to get better
If you ever decide you really want to get better and you are willing to do something about it, then you can. Deciding in your own mind that you will do something about it is the most important thing. I think you should decide now that you are going to try to make yourself better no matter what. Even if it's hard sometimes and even if you have setbacks sometimes. This means that no matter what happens that you will always try to make your social anxiety better because you realize that doing that will make your life happier and better.
3) You might want to get real help
If there is a mental health clinic or you could pay for a therapist that understands social anxiety it may really help and be worth it. They will make you work at improving your problem and give you many more ideas of ways to get better than we can or than you could do on your own. If you could see someone once every couple of weeks they will keep you motivated and guide you in ways that can help, letting you know what things you can do to get better.
4) You will only get better if you focus and work at it
To improve a fear or anxiety you have to do something about it, and it may be hard sometimes. You need to really focus on getting better and not just expect it to improve without doing any work. Think of it like when you play a sport. You get better at sports because you play them every day. Some days you win and some days you lose, but you get better if you play every day. If you focus on getting better and really work at it every day you can get better I think. It won't always be easy. Learning to do anything isn't easy. But nothing else will improve your life more than overcoming your fear of people and social situations so it's worth it.
5) The problem is anxiety not how "good" you are socially
One thing I always tried to remember after I learned it is that the main problem with social anxiety is really not that we have bad social skills, which we might, but that we are afraid and anxious. A person's social skills may be bad too, but the real problem is that they feel anxiety and are afraid, not how "good" they are socially. It doesn't matter if you are quiet or that you aren't as talkative or friendly with other people. What matters is that you feel ok and are not afraid of people or being in social situations.
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And here are just a few things you could try. Instead of just reading what I've wrote here it would be best to search on the internet to find a better description of how to do these things but here is a short description.
1) Make a list of positive thoughts to replace negative thoughts
Write down 10 short positive thoughts on a piece of paper that replace any negative thoughts you have. Things on the list could include thoughts like "I'm fine just how I am even though I get nervous", "I can be quiet and not say anything if I want to", or "I don't care what people think". Fold up the list and put it in your pocket or wallet. Read the positive thoughts at certain times during the day, as well as out loud before and after sleeping. Try to also say those positive thoughts to yourself anytime you have negative thoughts.
2) Do exposure therapy by repeatedly doing social events
Make a list of social events or goals that "you" really want to be able to do and write it down on a piece of paper. Your list could include things like "Look someone in the eye", "Go into a store", "Buy some groceries at the store", "Say hi to a stranger", "Phone a cousin or relative", or "Go to a movie in a theater" etc. Rank them from the easiest to the hardest, but try to make quite a few easier ones that you think you might actually be able to do soon. Pick the easiest thing on your list. Every day, go do that thing as often as you can. So if you start with "Walk by strangers in a mall" go to the mall every day and walk by strangers over and over again. Just do that. Repeat it but take breaks in between doing it. Once you feel more comfortable doing that then pick the next hardest thing on your list and do that every day. Work your way down the list to harder and harder things. Also, continually change your list and think about what you will do. This will take months or years but continue improving in this way spending an hour or more every day on improving your social anxiety just as you might spend an hour or more exercising to improve your fitness.
3) Do not avoid social situations
No matter how you feel before you do your exposure, remember that the most important thing is that you don't avoid it and that you do it anyways no matter how bad you feel. It doesn't matter if you sweat, or can't talk, or don't do it perfectly or whatever. Do it anyways even if it is tough the first time. Of course, don't go too far with this. My therapist always said "You never fail, you just set your goal too high". But for the most part, don't avoid or run away from doing things. Do them anyway and you will get better, decreasing the amount of anxiety or fear you feel in those situations.
4) Write down your goal and a list of reasons why
Write down your goal on a piece of paper. It could be something like "I will get rid of my fear of people and be free. I will work every day to overcome my social anxiety problem to improve my life". You could also add a specific goal you are working towards like "I will go to a movie in a theater by myself by August 30th". Then add below your goal a list of 10 reasons why you want to improve your social anxiety. Reasons could include things like "I could enjoy being with a girlfriend", "I would be able to live in my own apartment", "I could buy my own groceries without being afraid". Read your goal and your list of reasons for it every night before you go to bed, and every morning right when you wake up. Read it aloud if possible.
1) There are a lot of people with the same problem
Many people are going through the same problem. I've had social anxiety since I was young and many other people have it. I was living with my parents from when I was 23 to 27 for about 5 years. I'm now 33 though and when I was about 27 I saw a therapist and worked really hard to improve my social anxiety and it has really improved my life. Also, many other people have the same problem so you aren't alone with this.
2) The most important thing is that you want to get better
If you ever decide you really want to get better and you are willing to do something about it, then you can. Deciding in your own mind that you will do something about it is the most important thing. I think you should decide now that you are going to try to make yourself better no matter what. Even if it's hard sometimes and even if you have setbacks sometimes. This means that no matter what happens that you will always try to make your social anxiety better because you realize that doing that will make your life happier and better.
3) You might want to get real help
If there is a mental health clinic or you could pay for a therapist that understands social anxiety it may really help and be worth it. They will make you work at improving your problem and give you many more ideas of ways to get better than we can or than you could do on your own. If you could see someone once every couple of weeks they will keep you motivated and guide you in ways that can help, letting you know what things you can do to get better.
4) You will only get better if you focus and work at it
To improve a fear or anxiety you have to do something about it, and it may be hard sometimes. You need to really focus on getting better and not just expect it to improve without doing any work. Think of it like when you play a sport. You get better at sports because you play them every day. Some days you win and some days you lose, but you get better if you play every day. If you focus on getting better and really work at it every day you can get better I think. It won't always be easy. Learning to do anything isn't easy. But nothing else will improve your life more than overcoming your fear of people and social situations so it's worth it.
5) The problem is anxiety not how "good" you are socially
One thing I always tried to remember after I learned it is that the main problem with social anxiety is really not that we have bad social skills, which we might, but that we are afraid and anxious. A person's social skills may be bad too, but the real problem is that they feel anxiety and are afraid, not how "good" they are socially. It doesn't matter if you are quiet or that you aren't as talkative or friendly with other people. What matters is that you feel ok and are not afraid of people or being in social situations.
--------------------------------------------------
And here are just a few things you could try. Instead of just reading what I've wrote here it would be best to search on the internet to find a better description of how to do these things but here is a short description.
1) Make a list of positive thoughts to replace negative thoughts
Write down 10 short positive thoughts on a piece of paper that replace any negative thoughts you have. Things on the list could include thoughts like "I'm fine just how I am even though I get nervous", "I can be quiet and not say anything if I want to", or "I don't care what people think". Fold up the list and put it in your pocket or wallet. Read the positive thoughts at certain times during the day, as well as out loud before and after sleeping. Try to also say those positive thoughts to yourself anytime you have negative thoughts.
2) Do exposure therapy by repeatedly doing social events
Make a list of social events or goals that "you" really want to be able to do and write it down on a piece of paper. Your list could include things like "Look someone in the eye", "Go into a store", "Buy some groceries at the store", "Say hi to a stranger", "Phone a cousin or relative", or "Go to a movie in a theater" etc. Rank them from the easiest to the hardest, but try to make quite a few easier ones that you think you might actually be able to do soon. Pick the easiest thing on your list. Every day, go do that thing as often as you can. So if you start with "Walk by strangers in a mall" go to the mall every day and walk by strangers over and over again. Just do that. Repeat it but take breaks in between doing it. Once you feel more comfortable doing that then pick the next hardest thing on your list and do that every day. Work your way down the list to harder and harder things. Also, continually change your list and think about what you will do. This will take months or years but continue improving in this way spending an hour or more every day on improving your social anxiety just as you might spend an hour or more exercising to improve your fitness.
3) Do not avoid social situations
No matter how you feel before you do your exposure, remember that the most important thing is that you don't avoid it and that you do it anyways no matter how bad you feel. It doesn't matter if you sweat, or can't talk, or don't do it perfectly or whatever. Do it anyways even if it is tough the first time. Of course, don't go too far with this. My therapist always said "You never fail, you just set your goal too high". But for the most part, don't avoid or run away from doing things. Do them anyway and you will get better, decreasing the amount of anxiety or fear you feel in those situations.
4) Write down your goal and a list of reasons why
Write down your goal on a piece of paper. It could be something like "I will get rid of my fear of people and be free. I will work every day to overcome my social anxiety problem to improve my life". You could also add a specific goal you are working towards like "I will go to a movie in a theater by myself by August 30th". Then add below your goal a list of 10 reasons why you want to improve your social anxiety. Reasons could include things like "I could enjoy being with a girlfriend", "I would be able to live in my own apartment", "I could buy my own groceries without being afraid". Read your goal and your list of reasons for it every night before you go to bed, and every morning right when you wake up. Read it aloud if possible.
