I am an embarrassment to my family ...

I am a hermit ... I never leave my house because I do not have any friends and I only leave the house when needed because otherwise there is just no reason to....I've tried to get jobs but whenever I had an interview of course I blew it because I can't even look people in the eyes when speaking....... so basically I just sit in my house and occupy myself as much as possible with the computer and video games just to stay content enough so I don't lose my fucking mind......well I'm not going to get much into that because I could write a book but my particular concern at the moment is not even about myself .. but how I am seen by my family..

I live with my parents and older brother.. my older brother is social and normal and has many friends that care about him.. the other day the subject of girlfriends came up in a rare conversation with my brother.. I said something about how he never had a girlfriend before.. and he said 'even if I did have a girlfriend, it's not like I would want her to meet YOU' .. then he preceded to tell me .. in his exact words.. 'you are a waste of life' ...

He has always been kind and patient with me throughout the 4 years or so that I have been in this rut of mental problems..and having my big brother that still treated me like a normal person was one of the only comforting things I had left in my life.. but now it seems he has finally just had it with me and he doesn't even have the energy to care anymore... I always hear him saying things to my parents like 'I can't take her anymore' and 'we need to do something about her'.. and my parents are just clueless so they just say things like 'well what do you want us to DO?' ... and this whole time I just feel like complete and utter shit because it's the truth.. they have no reason to like me because I really am a waste of life..I want to change so desperately but every day that I wake up is another hopeless day and a reminder of this pathetic life I have.. and now that it's out that my family sees me this way I am just completely alone..I'm left alone with the usual feeling of hating myself .. but now along with knowing my family hates me too.. they only put up with me because they have to... I liked it better when every one around me pretended everything was ok and that I was the same happy person I was 4 years ago.. It's like ... even if I talk to the only people I have about this, my family, it will just be like 'well that's obvious you are like that.. so now what?' that's the fucked up thing about social anxiety .. no matter how well you recognize the problem and analyze it, in the end you're still the same loser who doesn't know what to do to fix it. well that's how it is for me anyway.

So I hate me, the only people I have in my life hate me... so what's left? I'll just keep letting the days, months, years fly by.. watch myself age and rot in my room not getting anywhere...every day that goes by I'm more hopeless...

Oh and I might add that I really don't even want any replies to this... I tend to write down my feelings on forums sometimes just so I can get the satisfaction of
'getting it out there' when things are really rough for me.. Honestly anything you say will just be of no benefit to me anyway..I don't have the best way with words even on the computer....and that's extremely frustrating too.. because I have all of these thoughts in my head that never get out.. and even online I am socially retarded......Most of the time I don't even feel as terrible as I described in my post.. I mean, it is what it is, [my reality] .. but I've gotten to the point where there is nothing left to do but accept it.. I accept myself for who I am but the problem is there is no place for me in the world......

Same here.

Cheers. My fam definitely knows I'm the weak link.

What happened four years ago that caused the change in your personality? Have you considered seeing a psychologist? If you go to a GP and tell them how you feel they'll give you a referral to one. It sounds like you really need to talk to someone... you should definitely see a psychologist/counsellor, you have nothing to lose.