How to deal with someone that MAY be OCD?

Hi all. Never posted here before.

I've been dating a guy for a bit over three years. He's 24 now, I'm 23. When we firs started dating, he seemed completely normal but over time, he's picked up some odd habits.

We live together and he has a habit of constantly checking appliances to make sure they are off. He even sometimes will drive home while on his way to work because he feels like something "isn't right."

He's finicky, yells at me a lot if I don't do everything absolutely perfect to his standards, and is rarely apologetic for being this way.

I didn't realize things were that bad until we moved yesterday to an apartment (previously living in a house) and now have a neighbor whose TV is a tad bit loud (since he's not used to anyone being next door) and he's now freaking out over it yet is so weird inside that he physically cannot go next door and say something. Instead, I had to go say something for him twice. Before I went the second time, I made the mistake of calling him a "wuss" and complaining that he can't ever stand up for himself and "be a man," which caused him to have a breakdown and cry. He'd probably freak out if he knew I was posting to the Internet to get advice but I don't really know who to turn to that doesn't know him.

He says that when he steps outside into the hall to go say something to the guy next door, his heart races and he feels like everyone else in the building is going to suddenly open their door and laugh at him.

I'm extremely shy myself and I kind of know the feeling he gets about dealing with confrontation, but I mean, when it gets down to things bothering me so much that I'm crying... I just put it in my gut and do what I have to do. He says he can't do this.

We've had a rocky relationship, lots of arguing and so on and I wonder if I may have instigated all of this in him. He refuses to see a professional and won't even tell other people about it. I didn't even know the full brunt of it until tonight and I've been with him for over three years!

He says that I am not supportive of him about this but I don't know how to be. What can I say to him other than, "I really think you need to see a professional about this. I understand that what you are going through is very difficult and affecting your day-to-day life"? I feel pressured to offer a solution I'm not capable of offering--if I could cure OCD or whatever anxiety disorder this is, I would

Any ideas or anyone that has gone through a similar experience? For those who post here that are professionally treated, was it difficult for you to first accept that you needed to see someone? How do you remember other people that are close to you responding? What did they do to be supportive?

Hey, welcome to the forum . To me, it sounds like he doesn't mean to be the way he is. And even through his outbursts, I doubt he has an any kind of ill intent. He may just feel inferior and nervous, about a lot of things.

I think it wouldn't be a bad idea to suggest getting some kind of help for him. He just sounds anxious. It all builds up to the point where he's screaming, or having a breakdown and crying , because he lets his emotions pile up and build inside of him. I used to be a lot like that, so I can relate He just needs to be a little more honest with how he feels on a regular basis, instead of short bursts of extreme behaviour.

In either case, it doesn't seem at all like OCD to me. It sounds like anxiety, but then again, what do I know? I'm an 18 year old kid, not a psychiatrist!

I used to attend a free anxiety support group at my church. People were there for various kinds of anxiety. Many had OCD, a few like me had social anxiety. It seemed to me, when talking, that we had a similar problem (anxiety) with an array of symptoms (Panic attacks, OCD, social anxiety). I've since read online that OCD is considered a form of anxiety and that makes sense to me based on what I heard in my group. So, yeah, I think (and i have no formal training in psychology) that his anxiety is expressing itself in a variety of ways and that may include OCD. I can understand your frustration and why you may have called him a wuss but I have found that calling myself a wuss and trying to push myself didn't work. That kind of 'force' works when we need to get out there and try something scarey and we suceed or kind of suceed. But I had huge forces pushing back against me and forcing myself to try felt like it had blown up in my face too often so calling myself names and forcing myself out there didn't work, and actually made me more resistant. So yeah, I think he needs help. I needed help. If he says he just can't get himself out there or is haunted by the idea of everyone laughing etc. then there's the chance to say something like "Wow! That sounds painful!" and "I can see how much you really wish you could do this. DO you want it enough to get help with it?" But, as I said, no formal training here, just my opinion.

your boyfriend has very serious mental health issues.

1) Perfectionism

This is a trait that is common; and I had it for about 40 years. Made me feel better...but it meant I would become very critical of others.

Which made my words "push others away".

Its a serious disorder.

2) Overreaction to critical comments

There is a view that those who have had their emotional development arrested are prone to wanting a "mother" for a partner. Someone who never complains.

Always picks up our clothes.

Makes excuses for our obsessive behaviour.

And keeps our shit secret.

3) Will he change?

Probably not. Not until he decides he is sick and tired of being sick and tired.

4) Relationships

Learn what you can about his relationship with his parents.

Are they deep and meaningful?

Or is he from a home where he may have been emotionally, physically or sexually abused ?

Seriously.

How many close male friends does he have? What is the longest friendship he has ever had with another man.

These questions are potentially the most informative ones you can ask.

If he is weak on relationships......and comes from a dysfunctional family....well I would suggest you get out before he screws your mind and emotions.

Readings of interest:

1) Terrence Real's "I Dont Want to Talk About it "

2) John Bradshaw's "The Family"

3) Patrick Carnes "Out of the Shadows"

The later may not be relevant...but if he has an obsession with sexual behaviour including porn ....then it might be something to read.

But if your boyfriend "DOES NOT WANT TO CHANGE" then he is going to get worse. No matter what you do.

Take care. Be well.