Hostility toward social phobia

Do other people find being socially phobic generates a certain level of hostility in others, that a fair number of people are more inclined to scold than be compassionate? In one Yahoo group I belong to, I queried how difficult it is for someone who's not outgoing to become part of a social network in a particular place. In response, I got this long scolding lecture. Which is far from the first time I've been taken to task for being shy, as if I had committed a crime. It's struggle enough to deal with social phobia, but to be attacked on top of it is especially hard to take.

yeah..Iansf..while i haven't encountered hostility towards my anxiety..i have encountered much lack of sympathy...lack of understanding..and people who think it's funny, entertaining..interesting..to watch me suffer through a tough time..at work, whatever..makes me wonder about people sometimes :roll:

Yeah, the majority of non-sp people just don't understand at all. But then...I don't understand those people at all either. :? I don't understand how some people can be so outgoing and stuff.

And cutefluffykitten, same for me, I feel like an alien to almost everyone except my family too. People just don't like me or understand me at all.

I've felt this too, although I don't much understand it...I mean, what do we do except be a little quiet and withdraw every once and a while? How could that bother someone?
But yeah, when I don't want to talk to someone on the phone or go to some social event sometimes my dad will get really mad, like he thinks I'm doing it on purpose, just to make his life difficult. As if! :roll: I would stop if I could. Usually when he yells at me or whatever I feel way worse about myself but still try to get him back. I'll make him feel bad saying, "Could you just this once understand?! I'm not doing it on purpose. I'm trying here!" And then he calms down and gets a scolding from my Mom, who does understand.
Sometimes people just need a little reminder that not everyone is just like them.

Iansf,

Why does it cause hostility in others?

Because shy people are quiet, they act as a potent mirrors for others.

What actually happens is that the person develops anxiety or feels threat or they mistake your quiteness for arrogance. They may think "this person doesnt like me, wont talk to me, whats wrong with me. So they engage you through their own insecurity by being hostile. Such acts of insecurity, we dont usually notice because we are too concentrated on our self.

As for chat rooms, the rule is simple. Posts are reflections of the state of mind that person is currently experiencing. They are literally engaging with their own reflection or a mentally conceived version of others. I wont go into detail as that isnt appropriate, however you can tell if someone is genuine and compassionate over time by reading that persons posts so then you can gauge if they are peaceful, loving, compassionate.

Try not to pay too much attention to the minds of others and what they think, its usually full of pain and suffering, that being said there is much to be learnt about them and of our own minds.

Did you perceive the message as 'scolding' because you were seeking approval?

Sometimes when we want approval, everything anyone says to us is sharply srutinized or not to our expectation, im not saying this is true for you but i just thought it was worth mentioning.

Compassionately,

Jack