hi i am from india wanna know if i am an AVPD pls help!!!

hi everyone i am from india 22 years male. i just finished with my MBA and off late have been reading about avpd on the internet. i have not done well in my mba course and the major reason has been my inability at social interaction. i just got a firing from one of the professors for not interacting wid him that is when i realised there is somethin wrong wid me. not that i didnt know it before but ya there is something really wrong.

from my childhood i am a very shy person and quiet. i just didnt talk to any strangers around me. in my school also i hardly talked to anyone in the class and had no friends at all. i just could not make any friends because i could not talk in a free manner to the people around me. i thought i would be ridiculed or made fun of and would speak the wrong thing. hence i just spoke to people whom i thought wud not make fun of me and were "safe" to talk to .
as i grew up and entered higher classes i just even stopped talking a little bit that i used to talk and cud not relate to any of my peers. my interaction was limited to hi/hello how r u... at that time noone even complained about my behaviour. although i could talk to people formally but cud not form any relationship wid them and show intimacy.

i cud not share some of the things wid my parents and my younger sibling.
i cud not talk to my relatives also freely and kind of just was extremely shy in front of them. the main reason being i wud be ridiculed if i talked. so i preffered to keep quiet.

i thought that i wud change wid time but that has not happened at all.
i started living in an hostel in my college days and there in the first year i fortunately accepted some people as my friends. i was happy but after sometime i just would start to stay away from them becuase i thought that i cud not relate to them.

at present i am in a very unhealthy situation
after an incident wid my college friends where i was rejected i completely changed and i have become an hardcore avoidant now. i just cant call up my relatives and talk to them freely coz i think they wud not be interested in talking to me. everyone thinks i am an arrogant person but i am not its just that i am facing problems in talking to people. although i keep tryin to talk to people but its generally a one off conversation and not any kind of a relationship forms.

some of my common behaviors are
1. afraid to call up relatives/friends as fear of not being able to sustain a conversation and they hanging up on me and passing me as an inept person.

2. afraid of calling my childhood friends when i go back home from hostel then i just am at home most of the time and dont go out of the house for fear of meeting an old acquaintance and wud have to talk to him/her.

3. not being able to form relationships wid anyone. friends/cousins siblings parents anyone have a very formal relationship wid everyone.

4. i have a below avg height and my younger sibling is way taller than me and also doin better at work and studies this has further lowered my self image and i am now even more afraid to converse wid any of my relatives.

5. i do call my parents occasionally but again i am not satisfied wid my conversations wid them they are again very formal.

6. i have to rehearse a lot before i call any elder person whom i have somme work from i usually avoid calling whenever possible.

7. have been facing wid suicide thoughts off late as i have not been able to succeed in life only because of my social inabilities which i feel are not my fault..

8. i really have to script out whatever i have to say when i am speaking to elder people/important people.

pls tell me whether i have avpd or not. i have seen the symptoms of avpd and most of them i do feel are 100% rite in my context.

i want someone to pls confirm about this.

From what I read, you most likely have Social Phobia. Avoidant is much more severe, and can reach the point where you simply won't go out of the house. You seem to be very conscious of people judging you one of the major aspects of SP. A lack of satisfaction in social situations is another sign. Also you find that you simply cannot express any emotion in social conversations, they have to be formal. It is because your emotions are being blocked by your anxiety.

You have come to the right forum though, there are many other people around here experiencing the same difficulties as you. Welcome.

thanks zarrix!!

thanks man for ur view its been very comforting. i will be working soon with a
an organisation and am really tryin hard to do something about my social phobia......

Well, avoing social contact, because you are to afraid of what people will think of you is one of the sines of APD.
Also we are very sensible to rejection, everything we do in social life is determined by the degree of sensibility to rejection, we are constantly worried about what others think and their evaluation of us.
I should say that in most cases the worst problem is in having intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed, ridiculed, or rejected, that is my case.
I have problems whith interaction whith people i dont know, i get along after fine after i start to know people better, but the biggest problem is any kind of relation that requires a greater degree of intimacy.
I am always imagining that people around me are evaluating every inch of my being, and that they only have bad things to say about me, so in most cases, i avoi any kind of contact, sometimes even whith once close friends.
I also excessively evaluate the reactions of the ones i am interacting in a social situation iam always evaluating what they say, how they say, the tone of voice, the gestures, every thing that might indicate i am gone be rejected or humiliated.
That fear makes me reject others before they can form an idea of what i am like. Reject first, so i dont get rejected, that atitude of avoidance only
results in what i fear the first place, rejection because of my agressive atitude. But thats the way APD works.
Understanding my problem has allow me to fight it a bit better.
Maybe it can work for you, there is a good book about it, by Martin Kantor.
I hope i could help a bit by sharing my experience.

The differene between SAD and APD is very blurry IMO. If you have SAD, you will still push yourself into social situations, but the anxiety will be immense. If you have APD, you will probably want to stay at home all the time, with no job, no friends etc. In other words, you will live like a hermit. APD is nothing more than a VERY severe form of SAD, IMO, the OPS case is worrying, but not so bad that it can be classified as APD.

The diference between SA and APD is that APD is absent of fisical sintoms like panic attacks, APD dont have panic attacks, if you have them, then you are a SA.
APD people really want social contact, we desire that very much, but we just cant get ourselfs to do it for fear of rejection.
We constantly feel we are inferior to others.
Now APD may manifest itself in other ways, the thing that conects us all is the extreme dificulty in intimate relations.
There are many APD that have no problem in socializing, but wend things start to get serious, they just back off.
We have a tendecy to hurt others in ours lifes because in many cases we have no ideia that we have a problem. A disorder, it is not because we are stupid, a child or ass hole.
The imaturity that is characteristic in APD results off the low social interaction, and there for, the lack of practice.

Many APD are not hermits, they have in fact many relatioships, but whend things start to ge serious, intimate, they back off, that is another wrong ideia about APD.