Have one of your parents caused your SA?

My self esteem has always been very low for as long as i can remember.

I also feel that my mom has never treated me with much respect throughout my life. When im nervous i'll stutter and mix up my words and she feels the need to critisize me about that even though i cant help it. She also tells me im stupid and ugly(just because i wear glasses sometimes), she has even said in the past that she doesnt even love me.

I think the reason ive got SA is because of my mom constantly telling me im stupid/no good and in the end i just believed it and dont see how anyone else could like me if even my own mother doesnt.

I feel nothing but hurt and anger everyday. Ive also heard that parental rejection can be a huge cause in SA.

Do you think one of your parents have caused your SA?

Hey there...

My parents have been ok, but my boyfriend has a mother just like yours. She completely destroyed his confidence as a teenager but he was strong enough to deal with it (eventually!). Terrifying woman. And to think she's going to be my mOtHeR in lAw....*hurl*

Anyway - I normally feel that placing blame on others for your social phobia is a bad idea, but I'm starting to think there may be some truth in it, certainly in more extreme situations.

Hey, at least your mum didn't encourage you to have plastic surgery at ten years old. :lol:

When I was 7 to 12 years old my parents were somewhat overly protective. They warned me about some "bad boys" in my class and didn't want to let me go anywhere where I might see people drinking beer or smoking etc. Perhaps because of that I became a loner who mainly just sat home reading. I did well at school and my parents were pleased. Later when I was 13 to 18 years my mother turned into the opposite of what she had been before and was always worrying about me being always alone. But I had already become so socially incompetent that there was nothing I could do about it.

I'm sure they had good intentions, but they just didn't realise that they were doing more harm than good.

Hi,

My family is definately one of the major reasons why I have SF and I have no problem saying it. Like I said in a post when I first started, I was not allowed to go out and meet other kids for many years. I was raised in social isolation plus I was the youngest of 4 kids. My brothers and sister rejected me and openly treating me as if did something wrong by being born. The intense consistent rejection I experience went on well into adulthood. ie: At christmas parties they set a place for me at the childrens table and would refuse to let me sit with 'the family/the adults', my mother told me to go along with it to keep the peace because it was Christmas.

I could go on and on and on....

After my parents passed away I do not see my siblings and have begun the process of healing. A small crack of understanding has begun to filter through my cloud of SP - there is no one in the world who can or *would* hurt me as much as my own family and because they are gone, I am now safe.

Scared Girl

My understanding of the development of SP is that it comes about because of a complex set of conditions and it certainly can not be said that the problem arose because of any one particular factor.

It really is best to not play the blame game becuase it helps nothing and if you bear any resentment (conscious or otherwise) toward a parent or anyone else for that matter, then you will only become more bitter and detached. I used to resent my parents for years. They made a lot of mistakes in bringing me up.

Then as I grew older I came to know them for who they really are. They are now close to being my best friends. My life is much better for that.

Dear Getting There,

I agree that SP is due to a complex set of circumstances and like a good little psych patient I used to take all the responsibility for my SP on my own shoulders - it kept me sick and terrified. I have moved past that and have looked openly/honestly at what were the major stressors in my life that caused this irrational fear of other people - then remove the problem. Since those stressors have been gone, my life has been MUCH better and the healing has begun.

It's hard to describe my situation to others, my siblings behviour can best be explained in my daughters words, 'Mommy, why does uncle --- smile at me like that?'. 'Mommy, please don't leave me alone with aunty ----- I'm afraid when you are not there'.

Chilling. Acceptance and Loving detatment implies that we must consider putting an end to HOW LONG we allow a hurt to bother us - then provides a way to do so. It says nothing about pretending the hurt did not occur and that another person is responsible. So for me, the bitterness and anger have passed, but the circumstances which brought those feeling about *are concrete* and will not change. I am not ashamed of saying I have been the recipient of someone elses mental illness, but I am also not ashamed to say that the hurt that it caused is passed, or passing because I am working on it. If it means stating that there is no one in the world who would hurt me as much as my own family - I now have nothing to fear by going out into the world - then so be it.

SG

I wouldn't say my parents have caused the SP or anxiety but they disciplined me and made me who i am and thats maybe why i don't fit in with modern society.

For example my neice works as i lifeguard at a swimming pool and she told me that the kids back-chat her if she tells them they are doing something wrong, now when we were young we would never dream of that, we would brick ourselves if we had that attitude, and i think thats the way it should be.

Maybe my parents disciplined me too well and im a little concious about myself and lifestyle but i can't blame them for that because i know they meant well

I would rather be this timide, shy, human being than some smack head junkie off the streets making a fool of myself and not have a care in the world

Ptarmigan said:

When I was 7 to 12 years old my parents were somewhat overly protective. They warned me about some "bad boys" in my class and didn't want to let me go anywhere where I might see people drinking beer or smoking etc. Perhaps because of that I became a loner who mainly just sat home reading. I did well at school and my parents were pleased. Later when I was 13 to 18 years my mother turned into the opposite of what she had been before and was always worrying about me being always alone. But I had already become so socially incompetent that there was nothing I could do about it.

I'm sure they had good intentions, but they just didn't realise that they were doing more harm than good.

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Ptarmingan , Thtz me exactly!

Along with tht, cuz i was like the perfect model of a daughter 2 my parents, they let loose of me and gave me less attention, were offcurz i didnt know why was tht happening to me , i was around 11 and i thought i cudnt satisfy them enuff or make them happy.

I sorta understand the parent thing
I was over protected too
I saw my siblings both younger get attention (for important reasons I know now)and so tried to be the perfect daughter to get attention didn't work neither did being rebelious although it worked for my brother
this has given me a perfection complex and my SP as well I think
but I'll agree that you can't focus on what/who is to blame but on how you can improve this is something i've learned over time the past is behind you and the future is ahead and all you have is now
I hope this helps a bit

She also tells me im stupid and ugly(just because i wear glasses sometimes), she has even said in the past that she doesnt even love me.

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is that true?
you wanna know what my dad used to tell me when he's mad at me (he always is) ?
he used to say that if he kills me no one is going to blame him and he isn't going to jail or anything like this.
yeah, that's true. In Saudi Arabia you can kill your son freely and no one will say nothing to you. I hate this country and this rule no doubt. This is the guy who started my SP and I really hate him from the deepest spot of me heart.
I wish i can just runaway from this country.

I believe that people having social phobia would have had it no matter what, and nothing in particular "caused" it. Maybe aggravated, but not caused.

That being said, I did have some bad experiences with my family. But those who wouldn't have SP would have reacted differently, wouldn't have let it get to them, wouldn't have thought about it over and over again... And more.