Hi everyone, social anxiety disorder is all about self-worth. All of our fears boil down to the persistent worry that other people will confirm our existing, self-depricating beliefs, leaving us feeling worthless and perhaps suicidal. These fears usually have either of the following two forms:
1. [I am ____ ] ---> [ ____ people are unloveable] ---> [I am unloveable] ---> [I am worthless]
2. [I am ____ ] ---> [ ____ people are bad] ---> [I am bad] ---> [I am worthless]
The property we believe we have could be: defective, stupid, ugly, foolish, or anything else. No matter what the case, you can plainly see that the problem arises from three parts of the equation (1) believing you are _____ (2) believing that ______ people are bad or unloveable, (3) concluding that people who are bad or unloveable are worthless. I think working backwards is the best way to solve our problem. After all, if we don't fear being worthless, the entire anxiety disorder crumbles into dust.
So then, given the forbidding nature of this task, I would like to pool our resources to figure out how we can base our self-esteem on something other than being loveable, or being good. I have no clue how to do this, and honestly the attempt scares the shit out of me because I worry its not possible. But I have read that it can be done. Let's try.
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EDIT:
I now realize that the phobia has absolutely nothing to do directly with other people. The above model is incorrect. People with social phobias are afraid they are worthless for a specific reason or set of reasons. They fear others because other people confirm their existing beliefs. They also fear situations not involving others where their fears are confirmed. It has nothing PARTICULARLY to do with Social Situations, and everything to do with the phobic's self-valuation. THAT'S THE KEY. Here is the correct model:
[I am ____ ] ---> [the consequence of _____ is _____] ---> [____ people are worthless] ---> [I am worthless] ---> [other people Know I am worthless] ---> (social anxiety)
1. [I am ____ ] ---> [ ____ people are unloveable] ---> [I am unloveable] ---> [I am worthless]
2. [I am ____ ] ---> [ ____ people are bad] ---> [I am bad] ---> [I am worthless]
The property we believe we have could be: defective, stupid, ugly, foolish, or anything else. No matter what the case, you can plainly see that the problem arises from three parts of the equation (1) believing you are _____ (2) believing that ______ people are bad or unloveable, (3) concluding that people who are bad or unloveable are worthless. I think working backwards is the best way to solve our problem. After all, if we don't fear being worthless, the entire anxiety disorder crumbles into dust.
So then, given the forbidding nature of this task, I would like to pool our resources to figure out how we can base our self-esteem on something other than being loveable, or being good. I have no clue how to do this, and honestly the attempt scares the shit out of me because I worry its not possible. But I have read that it can be done. Let's try.
====================================================================================================================================
EDIT:
I now realize that the phobia has absolutely nothing to do directly with other people. The above model is incorrect. People with social phobias are afraid they are worthless for a specific reason or set of reasons. They fear others because other people confirm their existing beliefs. They also fear situations not involving others where their fears are confirmed. It has nothing PARTICULARLY to do with Social Situations, and everything to do with the phobic's self-valuation. THAT'S THE KEY. Here is the correct model:
[I am ____ ] ---> [the consequence of _____ is _____] ---> [____ people are worthless] ---> [I am worthless] ---> [other people Know I am worthless] ---> (social anxiety)
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