Existential Anxiety/obsession

I have OCD, and for a while now i've been obsessed with thinking about human existance, space and theories. The thing is I start thinking about the universe being infinate and whats after the universe what is behind it all . Therefore I feel very introspective and so aware of my death and existance its like I view the world through non human eyes, if that makes sense. When most people think of space its far away in their mind, with me its so close because it directly messes with my perception as a human...anyone else ever feel this way?

Yes.

I've felt exactly like how you described when I about 10 years old. When I thought about the universe going on forever or that I was going to live in heaven forever (raised religious). With anything infinite, my mind would 'depersonalize' on me. Its an incredibly scary experience. I would start thinking about it late at night and it felt like I went outside myself and everything become so different. I could have died a million times that night and it wouldnt have really mattered, because it felt so surreal.

Look up depersonalization if you don't know what its about. I only recently realized it was that. But I also found out its somewhat common when dealing with things like infinity. It's a type of brain shock, where we just can't comprehend infinity and our brains depersonalize. Its interesting to hear someone else's experience firsthand.

i've dealt with the same stuff too. those kind of nights are hell. i know. being on a steady routine of anti-depressants help. as far as the existential stuff....i haven't found a cure for it...just less frequent and sometimes less intense if I can make myself shut it off - but as you well know thats damn near impossible.

phoenix1 said:

Look up depersonalization if you don't know what its about.

Click to expand...

Yep, and also analysis paralysis i think is also worth looking up. Wikipedia it if you like. Because i believe what you guys have is linked to analysis paralysis. Funny how being a deep thinker, or constantly analysing thoughts and ideas often goes hand in hand with SA.

spiritual aspect

Are there any spiritual yearnings in those experiences you are having? I am a very comfortable atheist but when I was searching I would feel very insecure and insignificant when pondering the nature of the universe. Sometimes coming to terms with what you really believe in can actually calm the situation. If I'm off track here I apologise.

In a way, yeah.

You know I've always been so astonished how people can go around saying that they are going to live in heaven forever and then actually be happy about that. Living forever is the most sickest, cruelest thing I could think of for anyone. Especially if everything was perfect in heaven. What makes life good is overcoming pain and heartache. Everything we are is finite in our ambitions, our thoughts and most importantly, our joy. If we could change to the point where eternity in heaven actually felt good, then we would literally cease being the same person we are today.

Thats what kept me awake and created so many painful nights for me - I would picture a record player going around and around and my life on that player..forever going around and around and around. In the past, my mind would literally freak out and depersonalize on me. Who the hell thought that the idea of eternal life would be comforting to people? Spend 10 minutes thinking about what it really means, and see how you feel then.