Everything I guess

Edit: I was wrong about some of the stuff I wrote. I went to a professional and after reading this I know it is helping.

great post, Warlock. there's surely still a long way before you, but it seems to me that you already have another long way behind.

stay strong

Warlock, I know exactly what you mean about the constant lack of concentration and always wanting to erase something moments after you've written it. I am too sick of this endless regretting of all the times when I deviate from my typical social phobic behaviour, like speak out more than I tend to usually, or post something online that is my own opinion. And that's really ironic, considering how I should be proud of myself for refusing my social phobia take over my whole personality.

I used to attribute these racing thoughts disabling me to concentrate to ADD, but I guess they're there due to my anxiety mainly. The avoidance comes in when you don't even bother to read a book or write something because you dread facing regret again. But like you said anything beats feeling this emptiness... Regret is still better than emptiness, right?

You're right. Regret and loneliness feel better than emptiness.

I can relate, Warlock, I will type something than read it over and judge it than erase it because it wasn't perfect and I feel as though I will be judged or it won't make since to anyone. It's horrible and it causes ALOT of anxiety. When I'm on here at night and I'm reading posts from everyone I will want to respond but I just get so exhausted trying to make it perfect so I just delete the whole thing... :roll: So I won't have to read it later and actually be embarassed by what I wrote.. I will even feel my cheeks blushing, my heart rate go up and feel my body temp go up... weird... !
I've abandoned the forum I last belonged to because of overanylizing what I posted.. I've abandoned having any friendships due to not wanting to get hurt or rejected.
My thoughts are getting scrambled so I better go.... anxiety is kicking in