or put downs on the way you look?
I never had SA or lacked confidence at all until my high school and college years. The first time someone said I was ugly was when I was on holiday aged about 12 and although it hurt I didn't take it too hard because it was the first time and I didn't think it was true.
But between the ages of 14 to my early 20s I was called ugly or implied I was ugly dozens of times. I was always getting put downs about how I looked. I got a lot of nasty comments about my nose. I don't think my nose is that big or bad but I got a few comments like 'Urgh, you've got a big nose, you're ugly'. And I just kept getting comments that I was ugly, it just destroyed me, it made me feel so ashamed, so disgusting, so hideous, so inadequate, inferior, undesirable. Sometimes when in a class or at work and people mentioned someone was ugly I was absolutely certain the conversation would switch to me and how I was ugly.
Its had an incredibly huge impact on my life. I am just self conscious all the time of being looked at, in fear of being judged negatively. Maybe people who have never had put downs about their appearance can understand this, but if you think what you are insecure about and the part of you that you worry people seeing about you (whether its your personality, intelligence, speech impediment because you fear negative judgements, well that is how I am feeling all the time because being looked at was what was always getting me these hurtful negative comments.
I do now make the absolute most of how I look now, I am in good shape, dress real smart, have cool hair, but I am totally self conscious believing if people look at me they will think I am ugly or if people see my nose they will judge me as ugly because that was how I was always getting judged. I just feel I am not good enough for anyone and that no woman could ever find me desirable or be interested in me because I don't look good enough. That makes me so self conscious and drains all confidence around women that I like.
I so want to overcome this and wish I could find someone who suffers similar to myself to work together to overcome it.
I have tried CBT, therapy, hypnotherapy and its done nothing to change how I feel. I think positively and think about positive comments and experiences and how my imperfections like my nose matters so little on others and it doesn't matter on me but that doesn't change it. I work on believing I am not being judged any more and it was teenagers who were always putting me down when I looked a bit scruffy and a mess but that doesn't change how I feel. I have been working on understanding that negative judgements do not matter - i.e. anyone who is nasty and critical of me are worthless to me, they don't like me and I don't like them for being so shallow and nasty. But that doesn't shift the problem. I will keep trying to overcome it but I have been totally brainwashed by the years of negative comments and put downs and seeing how shallow people are. It just seems impossible to stop feeling this way.
Can anyone here relate to me? If anyone wants to work with me (emailing) to discuss ways of how to overcome this, drop me a pm. Thanks!
I never had SA or lacked confidence at all until my high school and college years. The first time someone said I was ugly was when I was on holiday aged about 12 and although it hurt I didn't take it too hard because it was the first time and I didn't think it was true.
But between the ages of 14 to my early 20s I was called ugly or implied I was ugly dozens of times. I was always getting put downs about how I looked. I got a lot of nasty comments about my nose. I don't think my nose is that big or bad but I got a few comments like 'Urgh, you've got a big nose, you're ugly'. And I just kept getting comments that I was ugly, it just destroyed me, it made me feel so ashamed, so disgusting, so hideous, so inadequate, inferior, undesirable. Sometimes when in a class or at work and people mentioned someone was ugly I was absolutely certain the conversation would switch to me and how I was ugly.
Its had an incredibly huge impact on my life. I am just self conscious all the time of being looked at, in fear of being judged negatively. Maybe people who have never had put downs about their appearance can understand this, but if you think what you are insecure about and the part of you that you worry people seeing about you (whether its your personality, intelligence, speech impediment because you fear negative judgements, well that is how I am feeling all the time because being looked at was what was always getting me these hurtful negative comments.
I do now make the absolute most of how I look now, I am in good shape, dress real smart, have cool hair, but I am totally self conscious believing if people look at me they will think I am ugly or if people see my nose they will judge me as ugly because that was how I was always getting judged. I just feel I am not good enough for anyone and that no woman could ever find me desirable or be interested in me because I don't look good enough. That makes me so self conscious and drains all confidence around women that I like.
I so want to overcome this and wish I could find someone who suffers similar to myself to work together to overcome it.
I have tried CBT, therapy, hypnotherapy and its done nothing to change how I feel. I think positively and think about positive comments and experiences and how my imperfections like my nose matters so little on others and it doesn't matter on me but that doesn't change it. I work on believing I am not being judged any more and it was teenagers who were always putting me down when I looked a bit scruffy and a mess but that doesn't change how I feel. I have been working on understanding that negative judgements do not matter - i.e. anyone who is nasty and critical of me are worthless to me, they don't like me and I don't like them for being so shallow and nasty. But that doesn't shift the problem. I will keep trying to overcome it but I have been totally brainwashed by the years of negative comments and put downs and seeing how shallow people are. It just seems impossible to stop feeling this way.
Can anyone here relate to me? If anyone wants to work with me (emailing) to discuss ways of how to overcome this, drop me a pm. Thanks!
