Hello guys, I just couldnt expressed myself how happy I am to find this forum. I couldn't believe how easily I could relate to the topics,experience and feelings.
Currently, I am reading many topic at once in this section of the forum. Anyway lets move on.
My problem isn't actually a problem itself. It is mostly for the fact the I find it hard to accept myself the way I am or I am just too stubborn to change for a better life.
The event the other day literally pissed me off, me and my baseball buddy just got back from a game and decided to hang out at a friends house(the place was chaotic and crowded, this was more than just a mere party as oppose to what my friend said).
I found myself uncomfortable at first due to amount of people in the lounge area. The place isn't exactly the coffee shop that I usually visit 7 in the morning.
The guys started conversations with some girls while I grabbed a drink and watch some cricket match on tv. The girls somehow starts noticing that I didn't utter a single word. 2 of them(twins I assume) start talking with me, I mostly listen and reply based on what I can understand(due to noise and all). Then they start shouting to the other girls about "we found a shy guy here" or something like that. I immediately turned beet red. The girls proceed to nudge me or jokingly poke me and all. I got asked whether I am a "mamma boy" several times and that did not help my confidence.
Then comes the roaring laughters from my male friends.
Some of you may find this ordinary or cute for that matter. But somehow I couldn't help but feel humiliated.
At the same time though, this is kind of self revelation to me. I have realized that all the time, I am an introvert/shy/lack of self esteem to some degree. I didn't realized because I was too busy trying to be like those jocks/rugby guys or simply musclebound jackass like my current friends.
I had a memory being rejected by a girl years ago, but my mind did not want to admit it thus I do not recollect the exact event. I went home crying though, note that a 17 years old boy crying from a mall to house is unusual if you ask me. This event had significant impact on my self esteem due to the fact that I really thought this particular girl liked me. I had rejections from girls even before I turned 17 but my memory cannot recall those one.
The stupid high school science teacher didn't help either. Whenever I fumbled for words for a correct answer to his answer to his questions, he would constantly chastise me or make jokes about my nationality/race and so on. One I recall that did hurt me literally was during a career planning class. He pointed out and said there would only be the "successful, the mediocre and the nobody(points at me) in this world". Oh boy, was I mad.
I wonder if my father belting my ass hundreds of time has impact on my adult life too. I recall an occasion where I refuse to join the Scouts and it ended up bad, what not with the whole family watching. I do know that from where we come from, it is common to do so in terms of child discipline. I couldn't help but feel that my crime when I was a child didn't fit the punishment.
I have also realized that my lack of academic intelligence was also my own downfall of confidence. After all, I can't actually blame my genetics can't I.
It is quite an irony that I am a self admitted hypocrite. Why? Like most guys I do judge and awed by girls mostly by her beauty rather than personality. I mean, I should be grateful if any girls(even if she isn't Megan Fox/Jennifer Connelly look-alike) would want to talk to me.
It is weird to I find myself comfortable being alone at times and think alot. At the same time, i would like to know how to charm people during conversation and be known as "fun guy" or anything equivalent to that. Sounds far stretch I know.
I have read several websites today regarding introverts and some are quite helpful but I have got this feeling that some of them are biased articles.
I do not think that society in 20th century even see people like me "normal". They would likely label me "self-centered" which I am not, or "snobbish" hell, this isn't me too.
Introverts in relationship/marriage?Pfft.......I don't want to generalize but don't most women get married expect fun,direct ,open verbal and physical communication? An introvert sure doesn't fit in any of those.
I am starting to think my case is just a matter of building self confidence but I do find the benefit of being a loner rewarding too. I have noticed too that the opposite sex do enjoy a conversation with another extrovert so they could compete for "airtime slots" for talking in exciting/most exuberant manner as possible.
Introverts are a good listener. Yes, I am willing to listen to people(instead of talking too much) and hear to their problems. But do people take it as such? No, most would just say I am dull or I was uninterested in their talks.
Not understanding female is hard too, often when trying to be "cocky" with females. Some girls were honest enough to say I talk like an arrogant ass. Note that a friend of mine suggestive this so called- bold way of approaching girls. If I ever meet him again, he can expect a karate to his kidney. I am starting to think I need to get a book/take a class to understand opposite sex better. Hell,I hear that plastic surgery/face modification isn't so expensive nowadays. After all, according to famous celebrities: Life is all about sex and one night stand
Quite a nice lifestyle if you ask me, wonder if it will ACTUALLY sustain a long lifetime happiness.............
Do I need to change? Maybe I do ? Something wrong with being an Introvert? Yes, THERE is a lot of problem being one as far as I can see.
I have been ditching my hobbies (comics,RC and some nerdy stuff) for a LONG time now. I have realized that those thing WEREN'T the problem. I have never really let out this kind of thing. Even worse though, I am fond of romantic/comedy movies. Had to hide my dvd cases whenever I invite someone. It is quite sickening to pretend that I actually like movie like Godfather or Rambo when watching at friends house. No one forces me to do this, this is merely my own form of self-punishment to pretend that I am "someone else"
A psychologist office isn't too far from my house..........whenever I walk pass it, I really have the urge to get an appointment. Just that I am too damn scared like a little child.
During the time of this post, I was writing in frustration and little bit of anger. I do not expect megatons of replies but appreciate that if you do. I don't know what I want exactly from forumers. Advice? solution's? share of experience? flaming? punch in the gut?...........maybe all of them.
All those problem aside, can someone explain to me in detail regarding shyness in introvert person. Is SHYNESS present in all introverts?
P/S:
Anyway, thanks(to the creator of this site) for the creation of this site and it quite heartening to release all my rants even if in texts. Also, I don't need to describe how I look as it is obvious from my rant that I ain't no looker or some handsome hunk.
Currently, I am reading many topic at once in this section of the forum. Anyway lets move on.
My problem isn't actually a problem itself. It is mostly for the fact the I find it hard to accept myself the way I am or I am just too stubborn to change for a better life.
The event the other day literally pissed me off, me and my baseball buddy just got back from a game and decided to hang out at a friends house(the place was chaotic and crowded, this was more than just a mere party as oppose to what my friend said).
I found myself uncomfortable at first due to amount of people in the lounge area. The place isn't exactly the coffee shop that I usually visit 7 in the morning.
The guys started conversations with some girls while I grabbed a drink and watch some cricket match on tv. The girls somehow starts noticing that I didn't utter a single word. 2 of them(twins I assume) start talking with me, I mostly listen and reply based on what I can understand(due to noise and all). Then they start shouting to the other girls about "we found a shy guy here" or something like that. I immediately turned beet red. The girls proceed to nudge me or jokingly poke me and all. I got asked whether I am a "mamma boy" several times and that did not help my confidence.
Then comes the roaring laughters from my male friends.
Some of you may find this ordinary or cute for that matter. But somehow I couldn't help but feel humiliated.
At the same time though, this is kind of self revelation to me. I have realized that all the time, I am an introvert/shy/lack of self esteem to some degree. I didn't realized because I was too busy trying to be like those jocks/rugby guys or simply musclebound jackass like my current friends.
I had a memory being rejected by a girl years ago, but my mind did not want to admit it thus I do not recollect the exact event. I went home crying though, note that a 17 years old boy crying from a mall to house is unusual if you ask me. This event had significant impact on my self esteem due to the fact that I really thought this particular girl liked me. I had rejections from girls even before I turned 17 but my memory cannot recall those one.
The stupid high school science teacher didn't help either. Whenever I fumbled for words for a correct answer to his answer to his questions, he would constantly chastise me or make jokes about my nationality/race and so on. One I recall that did hurt me literally was during a career planning class. He pointed out and said there would only be the "successful, the mediocre and the nobody(points at me) in this world". Oh boy, was I mad.
I wonder if my father belting my ass hundreds of time has impact on my adult life too. I recall an occasion where I refuse to join the Scouts and it ended up bad, what not with the whole family watching. I do know that from where we come from, it is common to do so in terms of child discipline. I couldn't help but feel that my crime when I was a child didn't fit the punishment.
I have also realized that my lack of academic intelligence was also my own downfall of confidence. After all, I can't actually blame my genetics can't I.
It is quite an irony that I am a self admitted hypocrite. Why? Like most guys I do judge and awed by girls mostly by her beauty rather than personality. I mean, I should be grateful if any girls(even if she isn't Megan Fox/Jennifer Connelly look-alike) would want to talk to me.
It is weird to I find myself comfortable being alone at times and think alot. At the same time, i would like to know how to charm people during conversation and be known as "fun guy" or anything equivalent to that. Sounds far stretch I know.
I have read several websites today regarding introverts and some are quite helpful but I have got this feeling that some of them are biased articles.
I do not think that society in 20th century even see people like me "normal". They would likely label me "self-centered" which I am not, or "snobbish" hell, this isn't me too.
Introverts in relationship/marriage?Pfft.......I don't want to generalize but don't most women get married expect fun,direct ,open verbal and physical communication? An introvert sure doesn't fit in any of those.
I am starting to think my case is just a matter of building self confidence but I do find the benefit of being a loner rewarding too. I have noticed too that the opposite sex do enjoy a conversation with another extrovert so they could compete for "airtime slots" for talking in exciting/most exuberant manner as possible.
Introverts are a good listener. Yes, I am willing to listen to people(instead of talking too much) and hear to their problems. But do people take it as such? No, most would just say I am dull or I was uninterested in their talks.
Not understanding female is hard too, often when trying to be "cocky" with females. Some girls were honest enough to say I talk like an arrogant ass. Note that a friend of mine suggestive this so called- bold way of approaching girls. If I ever meet him again, he can expect a karate to his kidney. I am starting to think I need to get a book/take a class to understand opposite sex better. Hell,I hear that plastic surgery/face modification isn't so expensive nowadays. After all, according to famous celebrities: Life is all about sex and one night stand
Quite a nice lifestyle if you ask me, wonder if it will ACTUALLY sustain a long lifetime happiness.............
Do I need to change? Maybe I do ? Something wrong with being an Introvert? Yes, THERE is a lot of problem being one as far as I can see.
I have been ditching my hobbies (comics,RC and some nerdy stuff) for a LONG time now. I have realized that those thing WEREN'T the problem. I have never really let out this kind of thing. Even worse though, I am fond of romantic/comedy movies. Had to hide my dvd cases whenever I invite someone. It is quite sickening to pretend that I actually like movie like Godfather or Rambo when watching at friends house. No one forces me to do this, this is merely my own form of self-punishment to pretend that I am "someone else"
A psychologist office isn't too far from my house..........whenever I walk pass it, I really have the urge to get an appointment. Just that I am too damn scared like a little child.
During the time of this post, I was writing in frustration and little bit of anger. I do not expect megatons of replies but appreciate that if you do. I don't know what I want exactly from forumers. Advice? solution's? share of experience? flaming? punch in the gut?...........maybe all of them.
All those problem aside, can someone explain to me in detail regarding shyness in introvert person. Is SHYNESS present in all introverts?
P/S:
Anyway, thanks(to the creator of this site) for the creation of this site and it quite heartening to release all my rants even if in texts. Also, I don't need to describe how I look as it is obvious from my rant that I ain't no looker or some handsome hunk.
