curious

hi hi hi!
sorry to intervene, all... i accidentally stumbled onto this site, while looking up bits and pieces about edinburgh...
Im quite interested in this site! It's strange to me, I'd never heard of social phobias, so im learning heaps just from reading people's posts.
I'm not being at all critical, on the off chance people are under the impression i am. I'm just curious.
what scares you all about people? is that indeed what SP is? a fear of social interaction? I can't understand, because i can't handle more than a couple of days without social interaction of some kind. I'm the complete opposite end of the scale i suppose. One or two posters gave off the impression they had a special dislike reserved for people such as myself, to whom conversation and meeting people comes so easily. In all honesty, i resent that a little. what is the general feeling of SP sufferers towards sociophiles such as myself?
sorry to post where i am not welcome, if that is the case. if i am welcome, however, id love to hear from you all.
cheers!
kyle

Sup Kyle

Well for me it's i feel like im gonna do somthing to embaress myself or make a fool out of myself which makes me kinda scared around people,its like being self consiouse to a really extreme level.

its the worry what they might think of us...

and many more..

i used to have a little bit of self consciousness... i no longer do... the more i think about it, the more frightening this must sound to you all, but im a stand up comedian/street performer/juggler (albeit only part time).
when i tell people i do stand up, the most common reaction is (following- 'tell me a joke!'): aren't you afraid of what people think? what if they dont laugh?
and the truth is, nowadays, i see those laughs as just a reaction that can tell me how I'm doing as a comic; essentially i view reactions to me of other peoples as just a measure of how im doing as a person.
i think something to bear in mind is that we dont feature in other people's lives as much as we think we do. If i suck on stage, i take solace in knowing that the crowd wont remember me the next day.
i don't imagine i could solve anything in two and a half paragraphs, armed only with a keyboard and ignorance. hopefully another perspective gave some of you something to think about?
thoughts?

mrkyle said:

i think something to bear in mind is that we dont feature in other people's lives as much as we think we do. If i suck on stage, i take solace in knowing that the crowd wont remember me the next day.
i don't imagine i could solve anything in two and a half paragraphs, armed only with a keyboard and ignorance. hopefully another perspective gave some of you something to think about?
thoughts?

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Hey Kyle, thanks for the advice, its always nice to get someone elses point of view on the whole thing,you also said a good point about people not remembering you the next day,the thing is through this condition can get that bad that we have this problem with people who are in our day to day lives like fammily and friends.Still a good point through

Hello from America, MrK! Thanks for an outside viewpoint!

You said: "...essentially i view reactions to me of other peoples as just a measure of how im doing as a person. i think something to bear in mind is that we dont feature in other people's lives as much as we think we do. If i suck on stage, i take solace in knowing that the crowd wont remember me the next day. "

You hit upon two biggies here (yes, I know they won't make 'sense' but that's why it's a 'problem' )--

"a measure of how I'm doing as a person": It's the judgment that's scary. Some of us, like myself, were relentlessly ridiculed when young, and even now, years and years later, I still half expect it (though it doesn't come! Think I'd have learned by now, eh? ). For some reason we often take other ppl's opinions of us as objective truth. You tell a bad joke, noone laughs, you say "OK, that was a bad joke. Next!", whereas we tend to say "OK, I suck, this person thinks I'm an idiot, and he's probably right."
(oddly enough, I've sporadically been in a band here and there and ca play on stage with no problems, using your general attitude-- but it doesn't work for me offstage, when I'm not doing an 'act' I guess.)

"i take solace in knowing that the crowd wont remember me the next day": We tend to assume that such a thing is a lifelong judgment. i can't count how many organized groups or activities I've tried that I ended up leaving out of "mortal embrassment", when i now realize that the mortifiying event would have been quickly forgotten by everyone else.

As for ppl seeming to dislike social folks: What's coming across as dislkie is probably in-the-moment exaggeration of a poster's mood (something I'm rather prone to myself ) , perhaps some envy at what can seem to be the 'much easier' life of an extrovert ("the grass is always greener"), and, of course, probably a history of being embarassed by outgoing "cool" ppl (shy folks make easy marks for bullies and jerks). And, being an SA-centric site, there'll be a little us-vs-them in the tone of some things. Don't take it personally though.

Maybe if you understand SA a little better, you may one day help someone be more aware of it, or be more likely to notice if someone you know is having SA sorts of issues and be in a helpful position.

Thanks again for your outside view-- I know a chunk of the SA issue is one of mindset and perspective and habitual thinking patterns, avoidance, learned responses, etc. etc. I'll stop before a ramble ensues.

Oh yeah I should add that I often have an easier go of it SA-wise than many ppl who post here. It comes and goes (but never totally away unfortunately).

My experience of it is that i dont like being around groups of people and busy places theres just to much happening for me to take it all in.Looking back now through school and college i always sat as close to the door as possible i never realy noticed it till recently when i was thinking back on things,this must have been some kind of sub-consious thing that in my mind i knew i could make a quick exit should anything happen.When people come to my house (well my mums house) i always go straighy into my room even if its family its like as soon as the bell rings iam off to hide,but now since ive found out its a real problem iam working on it like now when the bell rings i stay where iam,i just sit in the living room but iam holding myself in place if that makes sense as i just automatically want to get up and out the way.

The list goes on and on if you havent read already MRKYLE well some of the common stuff is like scared to answer the phone and answer the door which both apply to me.One of my problems just now is that my car needs new brake pads and has done for about 3 or 4 month now but i cant bring myself to go in and face it,i could easly ask my brother to take it for me but i will feel as ive let myself down,i know it may mean nothing to some people to go into a garage but for me its a big deal :roll:

Anyway thanks for your intrest MRKYLE and like its been said before its good to get a point of view from the other side :wink:

I tried to type "Sociophile" in the dictionary, but it didn't find any words. How do you call someone who loves people and being around them?

Sebastian said:

I tried to type "Sociophile" in the dictionary, but it didn't find any words. How do you call someone who loves people and being around them?

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Sick/normal - same thing.

As for the what's it all about thing, I'm hurrying and can't be arsed to read through what has already been said but here's my 2 euros worth:

The fear is irrational. It is not reasonable it just is. Why should people be scared of baked beans? you know? It's shit and its VERY real. But there you go, that's life and then you marry it....or something.

Yossarian said:

Sebastian said:

I tried to type "Sociophile" in the dictionary, but it didn't find any words. How do you call someone who loves people and being around them?

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Sick/normal - same thing.

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I am not talking about normal people. I am talking about our opposites, people who simply adore being and communicationg with other people. People like Dr. Patch Adams, for example. Is there a term to describe them?

Sebastian said:

I am talking about our opposites, people who simply adore being and communicationg with other people.

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Attention seekers maybe?

Ive been browsing google trying all sorts of diffrent things trying to find something and the closest i could find was SOCIALITE - a person whose actions and opinions strongly influence the course of events.

i know thats not realy it but its the closest ive found so far :roll:

I found one

Social Whale

Ready or disposed to mix in friendly converse; companionable; sociable; as, a social person.


Sociable; companionable; conversible; friendly; familiar; communicative; convival; festive.

One of the reason it is difficult to find is that it is not a problem and, since it's not a problem, it is not studied. But we have a lot to learn from such people.


A Social Whale...? hahaha ... I wouldn't want to be called like that, especially if I were a girl!!!!

id assume sociophile. as far as the latin roots are concerned, thats correct i believe.
It can be problematic being so hugely into other peoples company; generally speaking its beneficial for me. It can be problematic for me because: a) it makes it difficult to be alone. b) when people you like (which is pretty much everyone) don't like you back, it hurts a bit. its unavoidable that some people will not like you, but i feel like if i've got a bunch of positivity im throwing at someone, they should reciprocate it, yknow?
anyways, im thinking of sticking around here for a reasonable amount of time, read peoples posts, and learn about this... and post a bit here and there, to give an opposite perspective. if people are uncomfortable with me talking here, which is fair enough considering i dont really belong here, its fine, just tell me to piss off.
cheers guys and girls!

I am glad you decided to hang around, MrKyle. I like to hear from people who do not have SA. It helps me to rearrange my thinking patterns. Sometimes the SA thoughts are so strong we just don't know how to get out of the cycle.

Do you know anything about phobias in general? For example, fear of spiders or heights or public speaking. Social phobia is just like that. Some strange irrational fear of something that takes over our nervous sysem.

anyways, im thinking of sticking around here for a reasonable amount of time, read peoples posts, and learn about this... and post a bit here and there, to give an opposite perspective. if people are uncomfortable with me talking here, which is fair enough considering i dont really belong here, its fine, just tell me to piss off.

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Well you shouldn't have to explain yourself - its completely upto you whether you have a nosy around. But I'm curious; why would someone who doesn't relate to the issue want to read about it (deeper than the average person might) ... ?

I'm one of those social phobes who gets anxious only in phases, but not continuously. So when I'm in one of my 'good' phases and come here I see things from a different angle and desperately want everyone to experience what I'm feeling or help them enjoy life. Maybe thats what you're feeling? *shrugs* I dunno, all I know is that I want you to teach me how to juggle fire.

mrkyle said:

anyways, im thinking of sticking around here for a reasonable amount of time, read peoples posts, and learn about this...

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you better be careful or you might catch it if you stay here to long its contagious you know :lol:

i suppose im curious to read about it because im the other extreme...
and im hitching up from london to edinburgh in a few weeks. if youre genuinely keen to learn to juggle fire, ill show you if youre on the way!
anyways, see you all around the forums from time to time!
kyle

There was a street performer from Australia on here once. He was socially phobic. Just for the sake of trivia.