Constant comparison of myself to others

Foxglove

Foxglove

Well-known member
I have always had the habit of comparing myself to other people (women). And 99% of the time I come up short. When I am at home and look in the mirror, I don't think I look so bad, and sometimes, not often, I even think I look pretty good. But the minute I have to go somewhere in public, especially places like shopping malls, I immediately feel like a troll. I think that people are looking me up and down, and smirking at me. Women here in Germany are obsessed with clothes and shoes and everything is based on how good you look. I'm a jeans, T-shirt and tennis shoes type of woman, which seems to be an absolute rarity here. I was forced yesterday to go to a mall with my son to buy shoes for him, and I felt so anxious and paranoid, and then after visiting 10 different shoe stores still didn't find any shoes, I was absolutely kaputt. After I got home, I locked myself in the bathroom and cut myself with a razor blade, which is what I do when I feel angry at my failures and incompetence.

I feel like I am incapable of doing things or being the way women are supposed to do or be. I hate shopping, I'm not a fashion junkie, I don't like to talk on the phone, I hate gossip, I hate having to deal with my son't teacher and his friend's mothers. All the things I should be able to do, I just can't. I'm so sick and tired of feeling like a failure, or like a freak. I wish every day that I would just drop dead.

Is anyone else here in the habit of comparing themselves constantly with others? I wish I could stop doing it, or feeling that I must do it. It does nothing but make life a living hell.
 
Ana

Ana

Active member
Hey Foxglove.
Your story sounds so similar to mine! I'm always comparing myself to other girls and my family members most of the time. I'm a teenager so I understand the thought of looks being extremely important. I'm always looking in mirrors and windows all day long and feeling dumb.
I'm finding now that I'm not just comparing looks anymore but attitude, personality and intelligence. Then my anxiety gets sooo bad in public that I pretty much make myself sick to my stomach all the time.
I just thought I'd let you know that you aren't the only one that feels that way!
 
F

FlirtyandDirty

Well-known member
Hi Foxglove,

I do compare myself to to others and always come up short. I always feel that there is either something in them that is lacking in me, or that I have something that no one else does. Because of this I often feel like freak. I have really low self esteem were my looks and stuff are concerned, and I guess if I can overcome that, then I will feel all this crap less. I also feel that I am being compared to others, and that actually bothers me more. Would be so good to feel that we could all just be accepted for who we are, or how we look.


 
rado31

rado31

Well-known member
FlirtyandDirty said:
Hi Foxglove,

I do compare myself to to others and always come up short. I always feel that there is either something in them that is lacking in me, or that I have something that no one else does. Because of this I often feel like freak. I have really low self esteem were my looks and stuff are concerned, and I guess if I can overcome that, then I will feel all this crap less. I also feel that I am being compared to others, and that actually bothers me more. Would be so good to feel that we could all just be accepted for who we are, or how we look.
Click to expand...

My mind plays this unhealthy mazohistic game a lot. I see this as a root of problem. someone in my family is actually feeding it, with sadistic
observations. But, when you have SA it is hard to escape anywhere from your house.
 
alter_ego

alter_ego

Well-known member
Foxglove said:
I have always had the habit of comparing myself to other people (women). And 99% of the time I come up short. When I am at home and look in the mirror, I don't think I look so bad, and sometimes, not often, I even think I look pretty good. But the minute I have to go somewhere in public, especially places like shopping malls, I immediately feel like a troll. I think that people are looking me up and down, and smirking at me. Women here in Germany are obsessed with clothes and shoes and everything is based on how good you look. I'm a jeans, T-shirt and tennis shoes type of woman, which seems to be an absolute rarity here. I was forced yesterday to go to a mall with my son to buy shoes for him, and I felt so anxious and paranoid, and then after visiting 10 different shoe stores still didn't find any shoes, I was absolutely kaputt. After I got home, I locked myself in the bathroom and cut myself with a razor blade, which is what I do when I feel angry at my failures and incompetence.

I feel like I am incapable of doing things or being the way women are supposed to do or be. I hate shopping, I'm not a fashion junkie, I don't like to talk on the phone, I hate gossip, I hate having to deal with my son't teacher and his friend's mothers. All the things I should be able to do, I just can't. I'm so sick and tired of feeling like a failure, or like a freak. I wish every day that I would just drop dead.

Is anyone else here in the habit of comparing themselves constantly with others? I wish I could stop doing it, or feeling that I must do it. It does nothing but make life a living hell.
Click to expand...

You know, people who are obsessed with clothes and fashion are very, very boring, shallow people. People like that, well, they're often very fake, haven't you noticed?

I DO compare myself with other people, unfavourably. I know I'm not good looking (tho my friends don't agree and say I'm just normal). See, that's the good thing about not being into fashion (which I'm not, I go for comfort) people see the real you, not the mannequin, and you get genuine friends (even if they do have a long way to go to understand social phobia! :roll: ) not similar fake fashion accessories.

My heart went out to you reading your letter. Please stop hating yourself. You sound like a nice, genuine, caring, normal person; it's not your fault the media portrays women as stereotypes (did you know they did a survey and something like 60% of women in the UK hate shopping for clothes?). The fact you hate gossip, that, too, is something else that shows what a lovely, caring person you are - after all, gossip is invariably malicious and nasty.

Don't cut yourself. You deserve far better than to treat yourself badly. Read over all this again and realise what a genuinely nice person you are. Take care. :D
 
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