Confronted bullies of kid brother. Advice please.

Got a kid step-brother 11 yrs old (I'm 28 ). He is the smallest child in his class and he is getting constantly bullied by 2 bigger and stronger kids. I'm not quite sure about the extent of this abuse since he doesn't tell me much, but he does call me often and sometimes sounds like he's been crying when he tells me about it. As I later found out it's been going on since his first day of school (4 years). He asked me if I could help him with this guy who's been picking on him the most. For the first couple of times I joked about it and told him the typical stuff adults tell kids: kick his ass, tease him back, ignore him etc... Recently however the calls for help got a little all too frequent and the look on his face told me that he was not happy. At all. So I decided to do something about it. I told him that next time a bully messes with him, he dials me on my cell phone and lets me speak to the bully. I didn't have much faith in this but nonetheless thought to give it a try before personally going there. Of course the foreseeable thing happened and the bully just hung up on me and said something along the lines "If you call your brother I'll call my dad" and showed the cellphone back to my brother. So I got into my car and drove to this school. Now, having expirience with bullies from my childhood I knew that getting teachers, psychs and parents involved would do little good. After all, my brother's mom went to school many times to complain to the teacher about this and guess what? Nothing happened. NOTHING. I decided to take it out with these little bastards myself. I wanted to avoid all the teachers, the principals and other useless idiots and get to them directly. My brother was very concerned about this because he feared he could get in trouble with his principle (he's a very innocent kid and fears he could get bad marks because of me helping him with bullies, can you believe that?). So I told him I'll get them while they're going home from school. Parked the car outside of the school yard and waited . The deal was for my brother to stand in a visible place and and point to the bullies and I'd aproach them before they realise so they have no chance to escape or get into the school. Anyway, my brother comes to my car, and points to these two kids who were in the school yard talking. Surprise surprise, they're both bigger, a head taller and much heavier build than my bro. So I get out of the car, followed by my brother, starting to walk up to these two , who to my surprise, just stand there looking at us, not even bothering to run. We approach. One glance at them is enough to see these were your typical little pricks - never had anything denied from them, parents never disciplined them, bigger than other kids, full of attitude, cold look in their eyes. I can see they have very little fear of adults. After all, what could an adult do? Complain about it to a teacher? Hah. Now my plan was to just talk to these kids and scare them properly ( I mean they're just kids after all) but seeing them angered me. Took another look at my little brother and my blood started boiling. *INSTANTLY* Those little fucks, so confident, so full of themselves, kings of their own little world... beating on a sweet little innocent kid who did nothing to them. I was raged. So I get up to them and ask my brother: "WHICH ONE HIT YOU?" He says: "Both". Before either of them has a chance to say anything I grab them both by their throats and showe them up to the back window of a car. BAM! In a blink of an eye I can see the look on their faces go from confident to super pidgeon-shit scared. I get real close to their faces, so they can feel my breath: " YOU HURTING MY BROTHER?" "YOU HURTING MY BROTHER!?" the terrified look in their eyes gets wild(omg he's going to kill us?!!?) I look them straight in the eyes. "LOOK AT HIM, LOOK HOW SMALL HE IS AND YOU'RE HURTING HIM?............... IF YOU EVER TOUCH MY BROTHER AGAIN, EVER, I WILL FIND YOU AND I WILL RIP, YOUR HEADS OFF! NOT YOUR DAD, YOUR MOM, NOR JESUS CHRIST WILL HELP YOU. IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?" They nod. I shout "SAY: UNDERSTOOD SIR!" They both say it. I release my hands, turn around and walk away with my brother. As we walk away I can see that they are starting to cry. My brother tells me "Look what you did. They're crying now!" - "Let them."

Now comes the difficult part............

as good as that might've felt at the moment, I started feeling shitty about it right away. First of all, my kid brother was shocked by the brutality I displayed towards another kid. Frankly I was shocked myself. I didn't hurt the kids physically, when showing them by their throats I was careful not to squeeze my hand too hard or appy too much preassure. It was a very bad idea to go for their throats in the first place but I was infuriated! I just wanted them to feel a little bit of insecurity, a little bit of powerlessness, to feel how it is to be at mercy of someone much stronger than yourself. Second, I cannot stop thinking "what if they're not really the animals I've percieved them to be? What if my own childhood experiences made me hurt these kids more than I had to? I mean they're just kids damn it! Even my little brother was shocked..." Now I heard from my brother's mom that a mother of one of the kids was over and said that her son is still shaking from fear and is afraid to go to school. Did I overdo with the scare tactics? I feel really REALLY bad about it now. Big hero, torturing little 11yr old boys... Terrible terrible feeling.........What am I to do now tho? Go there and say I didn't mean it? Say I didn't want to be so harsh? I didn't. But to give them no reason to be scared and see my brother in stitches the next day? Makes no sense. Talk to the parents? If talking to them made any sense their kid wouldn't be a bully. Maybe this will help them get their heads out of their asses. They might well want to kill me right now, and the feeling is mutual. Maybe they want to press charges against me? Can they even press charges? If anyone had any similar experiences please do share.

In my opinion I don't think you did anything wrong. Now that you've scared them a bit maybe it will make them think about how it feels to be picked on. I wouldn't worry yourself because there isn't actually any proof that you did anything is there? I'm sure nobody will press charges.

My brother was in the same situation as yours and my dad confronted them similar to you. It's hard to just sit and watch people bully knowing they get a thrill from it, whilst terrifying the life out of somebody. Hey and at least your brother had someone he trusted to talk to.

I hope everything works out fine

what you did was a bit extreme but i think if you had just talked to them "properly" it wouldn't have made any difference, giving them a good scare will probably make them stop bullying. so imo what you did wasn't that bad. i mean if you hadn't they might've been bullies for the rest of their lives, i hope they stopped now.

it sounds like maybe your brother needs to toughen up a bit.

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You should try and make your brother a bit cooler. Maybe buy him some decent trainers and get him a better haircut etc.

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I'm sorry but doesn't this make him sound like it was his fault he was bullied?

People shouldn't have to change to stop this kind of behaviour, it's the bullies that need to change!

Hey man you did the right thing. Now they might see their actions have consequences.

welcome to the real world where materialism and competition is rife in every playground of the western world.

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If you think new trainers..etc is the answer,
wait till the bullies steal them :wink:

If you want to talk about the real world....
The "real world" is run by bullies whilst the poor are left to die. If we don't intervene then what will happen to the world? That's why they invented AID.

Definition of aid = help provided to others.

Therefore helping someone beat the bullies is not a bad thing!

You just gave the bullies what they deserved in my opinion. Now they know what it's like to be on the receiving end. I don't think the school or the parents will see it like that though. They are more likely to want to talk about it with the bullies which, in my experience, doesn't work.

And people that are bullied just happen to fit that description?

Should it matter what people look like or what religion they are...etc?
I don't think going against what you believe in or having plastic
surgery is a way to deal with the problem. Bullies need teaching, end of story.

We could discuss this forever but we wont stop them in this world :?

Nah, you did the right thing. In the part of the world we live in any sort of 'discipline' towards a child is made out to be like this huge crime. Meanwhile, kids are going out murdering, dealing, and carrying on with the party of their lives by exploiting what adults will tolerate. It is natural for the older brother to step in to protect his own family. I was bullied in middle school, luckily most of the time all I had to do was bring up my older brother's name (he was notorious around town), and i would get a worried expression and excuse "Oh... but I was just kidding anyway.... sorry!"
There was one kid who didn't know my older brother though and he was my worst ever bully in school - after about a year of putting up with his bullshit I told my brother (and this time becuase there was 2 others joining in on the 'fun')
After one visit the bully backed down and kissed my ass for the rest of high school. I still think he's a idiot now, but that's another story.

Thanks all for your answers and support. I just had to get this out of me since I'm not used to being aggressive to kids, tho I feel in this case they had it coming. And to the guy who suggested getting a new haircut and trainers for my bro, what planet are you living on? That would just put a target on him. My brother is being picked on because he's the smallest kid in his class and he's not violent by nature, having something the bullies envy will just make them beat him more. I know it's not good for him to be timid, but I don't think normal kids should become villains just to get by. There are enough villains in this world already. Also I'm pretty sure those two won't bother him again, they were shivering like leaves when I left, nobody has ever given them a proper scare before and think it will have more effect than any amount of talking would. Touching kids is percieved as a major crime here too, but there just doesn't exist a penalty in the system for normal people to defend their kids from idiots. The only punishmet they could ever get is from their parents which is highly unlikely since these parents are clueless muppets who never gave their spoiled brats a beating. So yea, what else is there to do?

How i see it, people bully because they don't understand the effect they're having. Without being able to put yourself in other peoples shoes, theres no reason no to be cruel to others if it is self gratifying.

Your brothers had his going from he start of school. These people have had plenty of time to decide to stop. Sure you can say they don't know any better, but i don't like that argument...

its like saying everyone is naturally a bully. its fair enough to say that everyones out for themselves, but people that capable of sadistic pleasure are arseholes. if you saw them on a drama show, crushing the spirit of some poor kid, you'd hate them. even if it was because they didn't know better. even if they came to regret it.

your bro was being bullied, hopefully now he wont be. i spare no sympathy for those guys. its not like they were physically damaged. being scared to go to school for a while is decent payback for weak cowards who spent years making someones life a misery.

i would however worry about your temper. much as i agree with your actions, i think they were at the very least, rash. still, in your position i think i would definitely do the same thing...

its alright, your not like them, because your going through this, and your not going to do anything to them again, unless they get back in their old ways. thats different to them.

you should probably talk to your bro about how you feel about it. you can help each other out

"If you look like a noob and feel like a noob and act like a noob... you are gona get bullied. By all means go against the tide... but not when your 11 and suffering."

Logically i agree with you, but in my heart, i don't think people should be going out of their way to change so as not to get bullied. Its meaningless to be accepted as someone who you aren't.

I also disagree with alot of other stuff you said, but this isn't a place for a debate..

I don't think its a bad thing to NOT beat your kids.

Didn't work for me... though i loved the idea at the time. I don't think he'll be happy if he consciously changes to fit in either. He'll have to be manipulated into it. I suppose studying a martial art would be a good one, under the guise of teaching him how to defend himself, he gets the chance to make new friends in a new setting, and gain confidence...

Unless hes inept like me and just has to put in more training than everyone else to get the same resuls... even so hard work doesn' lie and its a nice way to get out frustration... and you learn alot more than how to fight, assuming your being taught properley.

You did all right, man. But now you should teach your little brother to do that, so nobody will pick on him in the future.