Confortable in ur own skin

A couple of weeks ago, in my class of Communication in college, we were talking about what's the issue with communication, why some people communicate better than others, why some prefer not to talk and avoid people, of course I felt that the class was being given to me cuz most of my classmates are extroverted. Anyway, the teacher explained that sure people who don't talk much do such because we are terrify people find out how awful our social skills are, but what was interesting was another thing she said: We are terrify to open up, to say: hey this is me, with all my faults, and I'm confortable in my own skin. So I thought about it and concluded: she's right.

Most of the time, I certainly do not feel confortable in my own skin. I feel tense, I feel like I'm not being me, like I'm not enjoying myself, that I'm too focused in my fear of people noticing my social skills are terrible that I stopped being me. I don't know if u know what I mean. Have u had those moments with anyone, any relative, friend, however, and u r feeling so good, like u r being urself, u r laughing, u r calm, u r relaxed, u don't care, u r confortable in ur own skin.

So, people are u confortable in ur own skin?

Nope, often not comfortable in my own skin. I have been learning more about why this is true for me. I have things in my past that happened that I have taken to be 'normal' or 'real' but aren't. My entire family seemed to find me frustrating and empty headed, partly because I was so unhappy I was always daydreaming to 'get away' and therefore was often unaware of what was going on around me. So - when I am around others it's like I am trying to hide the fact that people who really get to know me (my family for example) find me frustrating and stupid.
But - this experience with my family can be seen and interpreted another way. I can begin to see that they (my family) didn't realize that their actions made me intensely unhappy and that I was daydreaming all the time and that made me seem empty headed. I realize that their personalities were very different and they didn't understand me - this would be true if none of us (my family) had issues etc.
Also - I love to read about personality theory. The theory that helped me feel a little bit better about fitting into my skin was Briggs-Meyers (or is it Meyers-Briggs) personality theory. It basically outlines four main types (and 16 specific types) of personalities we encounter - and how they really don't understand each other. Reading the book "Do What You Are" gave me some 'permission' to be different, and for others not to understand me. It explains why some people are more talkative and how some people show one side to the world when another side of their personality is really more dominant (hence -they are more likely to be misunderstood compared with people who show their dominant side to the world).
I still have work to do - I am still not comfortable in my skin but I am begining to relax a little. Years of emotional/psychological abuse take time to rehabilitate and that's what I am working on.

yeah that is a great concept to be aware of!! I've strived for this ever since i found out about this SA i have... and it is definitely a hard goal but worth acheiving for sure. If you understand how neurotic ppl behave, its the opposite of some one who is comfotable in their own skin and who can communicate well.

I think SA forces us to go on this journey (tho it seems like its so painful at times) its a journey that ultimately will allow us to be comfortable in our own skin.

Valexa,

Great post.

We feel seperate from the rest of the world dont we? Like there's a distance. There's you there and me here. Thats why we find it hard to open up. Why else?

Because we perceive others as seperate from our mind. It creates a gap within our mind and in that gap breeds anxiety. You are definitely over there and have nothing to do with my mind at all is our usual view - its incorrect because whenever anyone appears to our mind or is percieved by our mind, they are literally in our mind, inseperable from our mind. But our not understanding this creates distance, in our mind. We hold onto our false sense of isloatedness and independent existence and that barrier keeps in check doesnt it? We wont let go of that idea into open space will we?

Yet its natural to want to be close to others. We want to be inseperable dont we? No one wants to feel isolated do they? But our minds have learnt to feel seperated, distant. It feels unnatural doesnt it, our life with this barrier around us is unnatural. This has become our habitual way of relating to our world until now. We can break that barrier. How?

Realize that others are not seperate from your mind. The main thing that creates distance, seperation, isolation, anxiety is the mistaken idea that we are seperate from others. We cant be comfortable around others because we feel they have nothing to do with our mind at all, they just seem to be there 'on their own'. But if you check carefully, you will see that they depend upon your mind entirely. If you didnt perceive them, where would they be? So how can they be seperate from your mind?

The more we understand this the more comfortable we will feel around others, the more comfortable we will feel in our own skin.

We hide our faults because we believe in this seperateness, 'I' and 'them', we're protecting a part of our mind, 'I', keeping it seperated from the other part of our mind, 'them'. Both exist within our mind. Break this barrier and you will enter a comfortable spacious place free from anxiety, that i guarantee you.

Jack