Becoming married with children if you have social anxiety..?

As a man, should I even bother trying to find a woman to have kids with, since I have severe SA?

I'm always thinking that I would NOT want to bring forth offspring into this world who end up having the same problems that I have. Seeing them grow up only to suffer the same miserable fate as me would be hard to deal with.

I also feel it would be especially embarrassing when I would inevitably be caught revealing SA symptoms in front of my own children. I mean they would most likely never have any respect for me.

It's rough for either a male or female to have this problem, but I think it's worse for a male as society seems to expect us to be less emotional and more austere, masculine, etc. So perhaps a woman with SA might not even worry about this kind of dilemma??

It's a serious problem and nothing to be ashamed of, if your children inherit SA then surely your there to help them alot with your own experiences.

I can't see anything embarrassing about that situation. If anything they should respect you more.

I'm not sure what you mean by the whole masculine thing, Your dilemma is very reasonable. (for what it matters, I'm a guy)

Re: Becoming married with children if you have social anxiet

ld323 said:

As a man, should I even bother trying to find a woman to have kids with, since I have severe SA?

I'm always thinking that I would NOT want to bring forth offspring into this world who end up having the same problems that I have. Seeing them grow up only to suffer the same miserable fate as me would be hard to deal with.

Click to expand...

There's no guarantee your kids would get SA. Nobody knows yet wether it's a nature or nurture thing.

I also feel it would be especially embarrassing when I would inevitably be caught revealing SA symptoms in front of my own children. I mean they would most likely never have any respect for me.

Click to expand...

Kids really don't think that way, unless they are brought up to think that way.

It's rough for either a male or female to have this problem, but I think it's worse for a male as society seems to expect us to be less emotional and more austere, masculine, etc. So perhaps a woman with SA might not even worry about this kind of dilemma??

Click to expand...

Ha! Try being a woman for a day and telling me we don't worry about these sorts of things too... :wink: :roll:
And the women actually have to give birth to the children, that's one highly painful worry men likely won't have...

Click to expand...

Doomed2Die said:

I'm not sure what you mean by the whole masculine thing

Click to expand...

Well in my opinion, blushing and trembling in front of people would probably not be considered masculine traits. I would assume most people would view this as a sign of weakness, among other things.

Re: Becoming married with children if you have social anxiet

coriander1992 said:

There's no guarantee your kids would get SA. Nobody knows yet wether it's a nature or nurture thing.

Click to expand...

Yeah, but there's a really good chance. Actually I think it's a little bit of both. Sometimes it may skip a generation too.

It's funny how I always look at dark skinned women as potential mates. This means in theory, any offspring would have less of a chance to suffer with the severe blushing problem that I have. For example: usually when blacks and whites have kids, they turn out looking alot more black than white, IE: Barack Obama, Beyonce Knowles, Tiger Woods, etc.

coriander1992 said:

Kids really don't think that way, unless they are brought up to think that way.

Click to expand...

Can't really control what a child "thinks". We can bring up a child to control what he or she says or how they behave, but they will eventually think on their own. Especially when they reach their rebellious teenage years. And now because of the proliferation of the Internet, how much can we really "control" anymore?

coriander1992 said:

Ha! Try being a woman for a day and telling me we don't worry about these sorts of things too... :wink: :roll:
And the women actually have to give birth to the children, that's one highly painful worry men likely won't have...

Click to expand...

I understand. It's just that society is a bit more lenient on a woman with social anxiety than a man. There are certain expectations of a man, and being a nervous blushing unconfident trembling freak is not any one of them. Think about how difficult it is for a man with these types of problems to find a woman; however when it's the other way around, most men don't usually care. Some might even prefer it because a strong independent woman is too intimidating.

And yes the pain of child birth is something I will never know and I have much respect for any woman that has to do through it. But that's a whole other point.

ld323 said:

Doomed2Die said:

I'm not sure what you mean by the whole masculine thing

Click to expand...

Well in my opinion, blushing and trembling in front of people would probably not be considered masculine traits. I would assume most people would view this as a sign of weakness, among other things.

Click to expand...

I agree with this. As a male you are expected to remain in control of your emotions at all times, and losing control makes you appear weak and frail to others. People, both men and women, can be very unforgiving towards men who express great sensitivity. Believe me, I know.

A lot of guys don't seem to realize this, however, because they are so accustomed to putting up a masculine front with little outward showing of their more vulnerable feelings. Women on the other hand often don't seem so aware of it either because society doesn't expect them to be so rigid and emotionally repressed.

With all that said, it can be quite a challenge to find a mate when you're a shy, sensitive, socially inhibited guy. The world tends to ignore the lot of us, for by nature we are the very anti-thesis of the typical male. Everything is working against us.

As far as having children, it's not that likely that they will inherit your anxieties, at least to the severity of which you experience. The true worry is finding someone to have children with. I'm not sure there's ever been a time in history when people have been so resistant and cynical towards intimate relationships. Just another disheartening barrier.

Re: Becoming married with children if you have social anxiet

ld323 said:

coriander1992 said:

There's no guarantee your kids would get SA. Nobody knows yet wether it's a nature or nurture thing.

Click to expand...

Yeah, but there's a really good chance. Actually I think it's a little bit of both. Sometimes it may skip a generation too.

It's funny how I always look at dark skinned women as potential mates. This means in theory, any offspring would have less of a chance to suffer with the severe blushing problem that I have. For example: usually when blacks and whites have kids, they turn out looking alot more black than white, IE: Barack Obama, Beyonce Knowles, Tiger Woods, etc.

Click to expand...

I agree with you that I think it can be a mixture of both, but like I said, nobody knows for sure yet. I don't think you can say that there would be a really good chance, as it also depends on what your partner is like etc.

For example, my parents are both very extroverted, social people, and I would always be taken out to social events as a child and exposed to the world...yet I still turned out like this.
It would be interesting to know exactly how much influence the parents would have on a child developing SA.

coriander1992 said:

Kids really don't think that way, unless they are brought up to think that way.

Click to expand...

Can't really control what a child "thinks". We can bring up a child to control what he or she says or how they behave, but they will eventually think on their own. Especially when they reach their rebellious teenage years. And now because of the proliferation of the Internet, how much can we really "control" anymore?

Click to expand...

I didn't put this across very well...what I meant was, this idea of men being weak and pathetic for showing their emotions, is in my opinion almost a bullyish way of thinking...but you would be able to bring your children up with good morals and teach them that it doesn't make you pathetic or weak...and, of course you can't control them, but you'd hope that by the time they reach the "rebellious teenage years" that they would have sense enough to make the right decisions about things.

Click to expand...

Well even if I have kids that didn't inherit my SA, it would still put me in an uncomfortable position around them because they (and their friends) would most likely ridicule me for having it. I just have these visions of their friends laughing and saying 'your dad is sooo weird' .. I've already had enough of that growing up and even still to this day as an adult... It really just sucks living like this and having to worry about these stupid things!!