goodlittledevil
New member
Hello everyone. I'm completely new to this forum so I'll introduce myself a little. I'm 29 years old and live in Pennsylvania. I currently see a physiologist but I just need to get my feelings out someone right now before I explode. I hope this will be a good place for me to rant in between sessions and help where I can. I wasn't officially diagnosed with a social phobia, but after reading about it I know that it's at least a symptom of a deeper depression. In any case, I feel these things that most of you feel so I know this is where I belong.
Here's what I'm sitting here thinking about on yet another lonely New Years Eve. Being alone was my choice as the lesser of two bad situations for me. Right now the isolation is killing me, but being around people could be worse. I feel like I'm being torn apart and no one is going to hear me. I feel like it's never going to get better. There isn't going to be any miracles for me. I want friends. I want to want to have friends but I'm so scared. Everything I try to do to improve my life stops feeling like it's going to be worth it and I end up quitting whatever it is. I sabotage myself to be alone. I can't get over the fear. My purpose in life is to be trapped in loneliness forever. I won't have any friends. I won't have anyone. I'm too afraid to fix it. I feel like a person who has been in captivity their whole and is terrified of freedom. I know I'm the only one who is responsible for improving my life but someone isolating myself is better then interacting with people.
I get so mad then sad, one emotion right after the other. It's exhausting. It's times like this that I wish my suffering can be ended. I'll never end it myself so I'm trapped. At midnight I got to cry instead of getting or giving a New Year's kiss.
Whew....I feel a little better now. Thanks for listening.
Here's what I'm sitting here thinking about on yet another lonely New Years Eve. Being alone was my choice as the lesser of two bad situations for me. Right now the isolation is killing me, but being around people could be worse. I feel like I'm being torn apart and no one is going to hear me. I feel like it's never going to get better. There isn't going to be any miracles for me. I want friends. I want to want to have friends but I'm so scared. Everything I try to do to improve my life stops feeling like it's going to be worth it and I end up quitting whatever it is. I sabotage myself to be alone. I can't get over the fear. My purpose in life is to be trapped in loneliness forever. I won't have any friends. I won't have anyone. I'm too afraid to fix it. I feel like a person who has been in captivity their whole and is terrified of freedom. I know I'm the only one who is responsible for improving my life but someone isolating myself is better then interacting with people.
I get so mad then sad, one emotion right after the other. It's exhausting. It's times like this that I wish my suffering can be ended. I'll never end it myself so I'm trapped. At midnight I got to cry instead of getting or giving a New Year's kiss.
Whew....I feel a little better now. Thanks for listening.
