a diagnosis?

Hello everyone Hope you all had a semi decent Valentine's Day. Anyways, I went to see my counselor on Monday as I normally do and I spoke to her about the possibility of me having avpd since I basically had all the symptoms and patterns of someone with avpd. Ok so I'm gonna roughly tell you guys how our conversation went since I'm a tad bit confused about what she meant.

Counselor : I don't really like giving out diagnosis for something as severe as a personality disorder. Labeling people with a personality disorder tells them that they are wrong and I don't necessarily think it is helpful. Some people call it give up easily when they find out they have a personality disorder. I hadn't thought about diagnosing you but what what would it mean to you if I gave you a diagnosis?

Me: Well it would me I'm not alone and that basically there are other people like me. I guess I would have a label and could fit in somewhere, even if it's not the best place to fit in.

(She takes out her Dsmv book and reads off the criteria for avpd)
Counselor: So after reading the criteria for avpd, I understand why you feel connected to this. You do have all the symptoms and if I didn't know you as well as I do, I would say you have avpd. However, I am hesitant to give you the label because I do think you have the potential to get rid of these patterns. It's not going to be easy but I think that if you continue coming here we can work this out and help you overcome your anxiety and inhibitions. There's actually a very similar disorder to this called social phobia (She reads me the dsmv ). The symptoms are a lot more general than avpd but the same issues you're dealing with also fall under this category, they're just not stated as neatly or clearly as they do with AVPD.

After that explanation, she goes on to say that she knows I'm impatient for things to improve but a lot of the issues I have have been with me for a very long time so this is gonna take awhile before I start seeing some lasting changes. (I've been there for 5 months already)...

So the reason for this post is.. I'm confused. Was she trying to say that I have social phobia and not avpd? Was she saying I don't have any of these? Was she trying to skirt around a diagnosis? I guess if she said I didn't have anything that would be good, but it wouldn't make sense. Someone who doesn't have a serious problem doesn't need months and months of therapy or group therapy (I'm starting group next week to work on my social skills) I don't know... it was just weird. I wish she would have just flat out said no you don't or yes you do have social phobia or whatever it is.

Sorry for the long post! Comments will be much appreciated.

I think you are desperate to identify with something that in the end will hold you back because you can use it as an excuse to not grow. I personally am not concerned with whatever label the psychological wants to put on my reluctance to be around people. I am more concerned with what I can do to change it if I am not comfortable with it.

sullyS25 said:

I think you are desperate to identify with something that in the end will hold you back because you can use it as an excuse to not grow. I personally am not concerned with whatever label the psychological wants to put on my reluctance to be around people. I am more concerned with what I can do to change it if I am not comfortable with it.

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No that's not it at all. I am very willing to try and change whether I have a label or not. I wouldn't have gone to therapy or applied for group, if this were the case.She knows how hard I try to improve myself, she even applauded me for it and told me that I don't give myself enough credit. My reasons for wanting a label is that I've always felt so off and disconnected from people and for one of the first times in my life, I feel like there is someone out there that gets what I'm going through (namely those with social phobia and avpd). I've always been roaming around life never belonging anywhere and in a weird sense, I just want a label because I've never had anyone I could identify with. It just makes me feel less alone than for her to say well you've got a lot of issues that are pretty much similar and require a lot of therapy but you still don't fit in anywhere. I know it's stupid and I get that I'm probably sensitive about it(although I'm sensitive about everything). But that's just how I feel about it. I just wish she could've been clearer so I can stop wondering.

Well, I am glad you are trying hard and want to improve but from this post, it seems like you are going to therapy and only concentrating on what label they put on you. You will never get anything out of it with a mentality like that. You obviously identify with what is said on here so what does it matter if some therapist is reluctant to label it. Do you need their permission to identify with the other people on this site? Do you need a label to experience the same feelings we do? That logic is silly.

i get what you're saying. It's just that I've been going to therapy for a while now and I feel like all I do is talk and cry and not have much of a direction. Then when I found out about social phobia and avpd, I thought well that's something concrete. If I have some kind of a label, maybe we can finally develop a better plan of action and tackle this better (as there's a name and there are clear guidelines to how to deal with these sort of problems) and I'd also be able to relate to other people. Except there is no label so we're in the same position that I was when I started. I'm just frustrated is all. I just feel so stuck. I thought having a label would not only give me a sense of belonging, but it might have given me a better sense of direction.

I am sorry you need a label on you to feel like you belong or to have a sense of direction in life. I wish the best for you. Maybe changing your therapist would help or researching ways to treat it. Certain coping mechanisms or reading materials.

A diagnosis may give your experience a name and something to work with but the diagnosis is not you. Hopefully you will be able to change your experience and be able to say that you are less socially phobic or less avoidant than before. Diagnosis or not, you are not alone, there are many people who experience life in a similar way you do.