You can't possibly have SA then-

[WeirdyMcGee]

Well-- there are always going to be people who feel the need to find a '1 up' for themselves.
By pointing out that someone else has something that they don't, I suppose it makes them feel superior in a way.

We all have varying conditions and disorders-- from someone who is shy to pretty much completely mute and cannot talk to anyone at all; we are all here.
And all are welcome!

 

[THeCARS1979]

In a relationship, then you can't possibly have SA. How many people agree with this statement? :question:

it depends on how you grew up and how many whammies you have behind that Sa. it may depend on the age. and outlooks also

 

[jellyfishgirl02]

Completely untrue. I hate when people say you can't have SA for any reason. As strange as it may sound, even confident and very outward people can have it; you don't know how they feel inside or how many hours they spend worrying about the days interactions when they go home. The important thing to remember is that SA manifests itself in so many different ways, and it's a disorder unique to everyone.

 

[THeCARS1979]

In a relationship, then you can't possibly have SA. How many people agree with this statement? :question:

its possbile they just got lucky , someone set them up, some have friends in their teens and 20s and they get hooked up. I dont have that anymore and way above 20. they had luck unlike me , I think I ll remain alone forever. Im talking to some girl in Tampa off an SA site, but she has Sa as well

 

[Sacrament]

You can have SA and be in a relationship if:

- The two people involved make it work successfully;
- The two people's personalities allow them to have a working relationship;
- You are not leaning on the other person to save you or do your recovery for you;
- Both of you either have friends or no friends, otherwise you'll most likely feel insecure or worried when she's out with other people while you stay at home;
- You're making a serious commitment toward getting better and living a normal, healthy life that you can enjoy and share with the other person;
- Your SA doesn't become you (ie, being easily angry or upset, jealous, defensive, finding reasons to fight or make the other person feel bad for things they didn't do wrong).

I'm sure there are other factors, but there's a lot of variables and "stages" of having social anxiety. You have to remember that being socially anxious doesn't make you less deserving of things like a job or a relationship or happiness. It all comes down to how you react to things and handle them.

 

[Richey]

People with SA in a relationship probably are confident in other areas, like they may be confident personalities or good looking enough to still do ok. Get by. Etc. or they got lucky, right place, right tme.

 

[PugofCrydee]

I totally disagree.

I was with my partner for nearly 20 years, she was a very socially outgoing person, but I had severe SA.

 

[DeadSummer]

I guess there are different types of "social anxiety". IMO a lot of people who describe themselves as having SA are in fact verging on autism, are extremely closed off and introverted loners. Like me for example. For me having a relationship is something totally unreacheable, like if it was something out of other world. Yet it is so easy and natural for nearly everyone else.

 

[Kaekae]

I disagree too.
Having my husband makes parts of my SA easier, for example, if I'm walking down the street I feel extremely self conscious whereas if I'm walking with him I feel less anxious because I have him with me and I'm usually more focussed on talking to him.

I think meeting a prospective partner would be really difficult if it was someone I didn't know. There's no way I could just walk up to someone I liked the look of and start talking to them. In my experience I've almost always dated in my social circles so the person has already been familiar enough to me for me not to feel scared.

 

[jayfan]

People with SA in a relationship probably are confident in other areas, like they may be confident personalities or good looking enough to still do ok. Get by. Etc. or they got lucky, right place, right tme.

exactly . been married been in a few relationships as well but it was all right place right time....

 

[AlienGeranium]

Right, because you can't have SA unless every social situation in life brings you debilitating anxiety.


Everyone has a comfort zone, and for different people it's different parts of life. Some people can date with relative ease but jump ten feet at the sound of their phone ringing. Some are great leaders in group projects but would have a panic attack even thinking about dancing at a party. If it wasn't for the internet dating would probably feel impossible to me, but having that opportunity to talk textually first allows me to let people into my comfort zone and give dating a chance.