Hi Foxglove,
I can really relate to you.
For me, however, I approach such things with questions like...
"Even if people do stare at me and think me strange, what difference is it to me?"
instead of:
"But are people really looking at me and thinking me strange?"
....I think that the whole point is that ideally, it doesn't matter what others think of me; that whilst this is part of who I am as a person, it is only part of who I am and there is also the ME that I (and others) know in private.
And the first question asks my self: so I am different, but am I really so strange or so shameful in my difference?
but the second question keeps focusing back onto what other people think of me and continues to worry about my self based solely on other peoples' opinions ....what of MY opinion of my self. Surely "THE TRUTH" if it exists can only ever be a combination of my opinion with those of anothers'/others'...?
And another thing that I think is imperative, that part of my shame, part of my 'social phobia' (-'social shame'-?) is that I struggle to accept how me sensitivity fits into this world. ...perhaps it is "ego sensitivity" -but whatever exactly it is, it is 'sensitivity'... so, if I think people look at me, sometimes this is actually true, other times it is based on past experience and my worries about being accepted.
....But there seems to be a definite link between doubting my self and believing my self 'weired' (being ashamed of my self) and others then thinking me weired and looking at me funny. ...I sometimes get doubtful and panicky and walk into some situation with tension and feeling self-concious ....then, others sometimes do look at me 'funny'.
And I think that observing this can help to see that people are somewhat sheep-like in what they believe about someone -how first impressions are very superficial and how people tend to believe what others put across for them to believe. ...In other words, people often are privy to believing lies or they pay attention to superficial aspects of interaction (as if this is the way to determine who is who!). And for this reason, people looking at you strangely is just a superficial assessment of who you are: like the animal side to people, just like an animal senses fear and responds to it. So, don't be afraid of animal instincts. Respect them, but they are only operative: they are reflex responses and they are superficial.
The other thing is that accepting your sensitivity ...the distinct possibility that perhaps you are more emotionall intune, that perhaps part of the reason why some people suffer social phobia is because they have a higher than average (or otherwise more sensitized) sensitivity to sensations. Perhaps you really do sense a lot of external cues -emotions, 'vibes', instinctual types of things- and perhaps there is the need to come to terms with this instinctual, emotional side -to accept the animal within- whilst also being able to soothe its feelings; to accept all of your feelings and then to filter through which matter and which are of less consequence.
And that, I believe, is the real ticket: acknowledging your feelings and your perceptions -suspending your judgement as to what is 'normal' and hwether your sensitivity is "normal" (don't place any more shame on this aspect of you) and to accept your impressions, emotions and perceptions and then to work on filtering through your feelings -and all the external data that you are probably very sensitive and very inclined to pick-up on- and then you will be able to put things into better perspective.
Unconditional acceptance of yourself and all that you feel is imperative; only then can you choose what parts of your experience and feelings stand-out the most and matter the most. ...do fleeting impressions matter so much? ...but accepting your sensitivity towards them first and not judging this strong part of yourself is the only way to make it so that fleeting impressions don't have to linger-on.