What now?

[ripewithdecay]

I've realized that during the past few months I've actually gained a lot of confidence in social interactions. I can hold a fairly decent conversation, I can make eye contact, I'm in a lot more control now with my body language and tone of voice, and I'm even a lot more comfortable with the opposite sex. Also, I don't get that gut-wrenching anticipation anymore when I know I have some sort of event coming up. I just go with it and actually feel not half bad.
The problem is... well, I still have zero friends.
Being able to meet and talk to people that are already in your daily life who you haven't been able to do that with before (like co-workers, people behind the counter at a store you frequent, etc.) is one thing. But developing anything beyond that where you actually get to go out and do things with these people is another.
To add to that, I don't think there's anyone in my daily life i care to really hang out with anyway. Not that I don't like them, or that I would turn them down if they did invite me somewhere, it's just when i think of having a friend or group of friends i think i'd rather they were into the things im really in to - like music, live concerts, jamming, etc.
Now I know the logical thing would be to get out there more and track those types of people down.
But it's really not that easy... it's not a matter of me going out the door, going to place A or place B, walking up to a few people and introducing myself.
I've observed some people in my life like family or aquaintances to see how they ended up having all the friends they have, and it's usually from one of two places - school, or work.
Those two things already don't apply to me, as: I don't go to school, and all the people I work with are quite a bit older.
I moved away from where I grew up a couple years ago, I had friends there of course that were my high school buddies but we grew apart and I have no interest in going back ever again.

I live in a metro area too and i'm astonished how difficult it is to make friends here (let alone have SA and deal with it)
It's not entirely from lack of taking action, I'm ready to make friends and hang out with some people. At this point it's more or less I just don't know where to go or who to look for.
Any ideas?

 

[Infected_Malignity]

Life sucks. Then you die.

This is the perfect time for me to get philosophical and positive and shit... but I'll spare you the drama. Let's get right down to it - no bullshit - no drama - no compromise.

Lately I've been strongly doubting the existence of SA, SP, and any other 'S' problem out there. The only reason being is because everybody has it to some degree. I work with a ton of shy people (I guess it happens like this at shit jobs that don't involve direct contact with the general public) who can function pretty normally in society and only have slight problems with talking to strangers, but are way too afraid to meet new people... so mainly, they're just stuck. Who the hell's idea was it to call this a disease? In my strong opinion, and from what I've seen in people who are more timid in social situations than your average Joe, it all boils down to not only caring about what others think, but just obsessing over it afterward. Which, once again, still doesn't qualify as a disease in my book.

Also, I think a lot of people here are on the same boat. I'm not sure who's going to admit it or not, but most likely this is the case. Social Anxiety (or Phobia) should only be recognized as a real problem when you literally cannot bring yourself to talk with people. Besides, the only true way to get an answer is to actually get diagnosed... and most people here haven't even been down that road. Self diagnosis is as good as none at all.

But the main point is, everyone's got that little something in the back of their mind. Nobody's 100% confident all the time... and if you were, you'd probably be missing a lot of other common, human traits as well. Like the ability to feel emotions, sensations, pain, hot & cold, etc (lol). Jokes aside, I think it's easier for people to blame their problems on the "Disease" it's all so cracked up to be, than their own responsibility. Why? Probably because it's easier to do that than to admit vulnerability. Or flaw. Or just feeling inadequate... All of which are absolutely normal. And more importantly, nothing at all to be ashamed of.

Just try getting out there and meeting new people, I guess. I'm still in the process... lol. It sucks, but that's part of life.

Oh yeah... and then you die (did I already mention that?)