To those who have a therapist

[Iseesky]

I have issues with shyness and generalized anxiety. I wouldn't consider myself socially anxious...But I definitely get anxiety when in certain social situations. I've never had a boyfriend, I find it hard getting close to people, when a hallway is very busy at school I start having panic attacks, I don't like parties, I don't like being the center of attention and don't get me started on public speaking. ANYWAY! If I were to get therapy it would be something to help deal with the above.

So, I basically want to know...What types of things do you talk about/deal with in your therapy? How often do you go? Some people say they hate their therapists and some say they love their therapists. Why? Do you go on outings with your therapists? I feel like I could talk for hours and hours to someone about my social anxiety and make plenty of breakthroughs, but it doesn't really go anywhere else. I need someone there with me AS I'm in social places. Telling me what to do, what to say, what I should improve on...Do they give you homework to do between sessions? Any info you'd like to give me would be awesome. Tell me some things you wish you knew before you started seeing a therapist. The good, the bad, the ugly.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Wow you have many quesitons! which can only be a good thing

I've seen my therapist maaybe.. 4? times only. But I can give you the run around so far.
So far, we seem to talk about whatever just pops out of my mouth... we've gotten into my childhood, talked a lot about my perfectionism, my reluctance to go to places, personal things like my sexuality, my issues with BDD...and mainly right now we're talking about emotions and how I can find a word for emotions I don't recognize or show. She has given me poems and books that "remind her of me" and lists of emotions I can go through whenever I feel something, she defines emotions for me too and tries to make me face the ones im afraid of showing in public by bringing up topics she knows I don't want to talk about. She points out when i'm thinking irrationally or jumping to assumptions, it's wonderful to have somebody ELSE finally regulating my thoughts and directing me into a more positive and less obsessive light. I go once every 2 weeks usually, but my therapist has been away all summer.. I love my therapist. I've spoken about how I don't have a parental figure, and also about how I'm completely unable to cry in front of anybody and she got my eyes to water up by crying herself when I spoke of a certain incident with my mom. Either she tries really hard to make me comfortable, or she was just being human lol. Because i've never seen anybody cry and admit that they're sad, and seem unashamed of it... it was a turn around moment to see that it wasn't a big deal. I feel like she's becoming a very motherly figure to me, so yes I love her :] it feels like somebody genuinely wants to help me, and knows how to, but isn't going to make me do anything I won't agree to. Her goal, she said, is to make her "office" place a place I can finally be completely comfortable... of course that is very much a long-term goal for me, but I think it's a wonderful one. What do you mean by it doesn't go anywhere else? I'm sure there are therapists that DO go on outings with people.. in fact, I bet if I asked my therapist she'd agree to it. I get homework but it's not very specific... things like "I think you would like yoga.. try to do yoga every day" that's the thing with my therapist, she needs to give me more homework, tell me what I should do more often. I wish I had realized earlier that therapists are people, too, who have their own opinions, before I thought that they were programmed computer-people for so long, but my therapist sometimes relates back to her own childhood of neglect, to make me feel comfortable, I suppose... Just talking to somebody so personally is a huge achievement for me, I'd say go for it! Therapy has been very helpful for me, you have nothing to lose, just make sure to find the right one. I've been to another therapist and it was extremely awkward, she did not know what to do with me, she sat there and let the silence just wallow around me and it was pure horror. It's all a matter of finding somebody you're comfortable with, but either way, it's been very helpful!

 

[***deleted***]

Therapy is good, but if want to start shop around first. I've had three therapist: only one was helpful.

The first talking about he was sexually abused as child all the time. So I just sat in his office and listened to him the whole time. I was under age so my mom was present the entire time, so I wouldn't have spoken anyway. This was not his fault though, my mom refused to leave the room. It was horrible. I don't know what else to say. I don't remember how often I went to him.

The second was great, while I was seeing her my SA went away. I had tons of friends, was very outgoing, and happy. I saw her once a week at first, and later went twice a week. We did go on outings, she also did something called role playing. It's where you pretend you therapist is someone else and talk to them. We also didn't get to deep into issues the whole hour, we would talk about current issues, science, and stuff like that. I thought of her as a friend.Unfortunately I moved so I could no longer see her. She recommended that I continue therapy with someone else.

The third was the worst. I started out once a week. The first day she flipped me off..don't know if it was intentional or not. Anyway she sucked, was very cold and snide. Her office was not comforting at all. We sat directly across from each other and I had to talk about whatever each section. It was very awkward just jumping right into the darkest parts of my life. Regardless I knew I needed help so I continued to see her, but she starting showing up late and eventually would call and cancel our appointments. So I stopped making them.

My second therapist said to look for a therapist closest to your age group who is the same gender. Race did not matter for me, but if you are uncomfortable around other races get someone your own race. Then make sure they have a background in dealing with your issues. Last make sure you are comfortable with them.
I didn't fallow this advice which is prob. why my last therapist was so horrible.

 

[Iseesky]

Thanks both of you. I like that you went into detail. That definitely helps me!
I'll have to start looking. I'll probably start off with going to my college counsellors once school starts and maybe from there see if they can give me a list of different ones I can see. Something along those lines.

 

[Haruhiist]

I went to a therapist once, because my family thought that I was way too agressive.
I still have anger issues though.

It's not like the therapist helped a lot, because in the first session, the therepist let me talk in front of the WHOLE family. I was so emberrassed... One of the reasons why I was always angry at home, is because they bullied me. And all that anger reflected on my family. I didn't want them to know that.

The therapists said that there will be sessions with my parents, and solo sessions. I didn't like the idea of sessions with my parents, so the day I had to go, I kind of raged.
Locked the door and said that I didn't want to. A huge tantrum, my parents getting mad and stuff.

That was quite the nightmare... I wanted to go, but on the other side, I don't want to expose that side.

 

[Bones]

This is all very informative, but I unfortunately I wont get to pick a therapist as I can't afford to go private and the NHS in the UK will just pick one at random for me... but every1's descriptions of what happens is very helpful. Thanks... even though it's not my post.