To all shy/love-shy guys

[spectator]

I am sick of reading the same stories over and over again. What I mean is, I think about the things that happened to me regarding girls, and then I read the posts of men all the way from age 18 to 42, from the US to Australia, all shy, all suffering from the same desparation and loneliness as I am, and I am getting sick of it. I used to think if I saw that many others suffer like I do, it will mitigate the suffering. but it doesn't. It just makes me angrier, more uspet, but also more determined.

What I'm saying is, we are all in this together; we all have the SAME exact experiences in different forms...whether it be we feel we are ignored or disliked by girls, whether it be we felt so awkward on those few oppurtunities we did have and chickened out (which just happened to me today, which is probably why I'm writing this), or that we give signs of rejection inadvertently out of fear, or simply we are not approached and we fear rejection of approaching others, or we begin to simply hate and give up on the whole idea of love.

We are all in this together. So why do we continue to post a multitude of threads on this forum complaining endlessly about our respective, all-too-identical problems regarding women and all agreeing with each other in a circle-jerking worthless catharsis? Why don't we actually band together and try to find solutions? Or to help each other? And I'm not talking about those advertisers who come in talking about some "great" site which teaches you how to get drunk women to have sex with you- I mean, we detail to each other the state of our lives, use each other to experiment, yes, experiment, methods of reaching out to women, serve as a support group for those among us who are too fearful to reach out....why can't we just form some sort of club, some off-shoot or splinter of this website, even if it is as crude as a facebook group or some geocities website?

Do you all realize the negative psychological impact this perpetual loneliness and lack of love in our lives has? This is the stuff of suicides, of homicides! Do you realize the negative physical impact it has on us? Look it up; those of us who are lonely and too shy to date/have sex/kiss end up with a greater chance of heart disease, the body releases dangerous chemicals to the deficient human. After 45-ish the body lets itself decay because we go past the very purpose of life as deemed by science, which is to reproduce and keep our species alive. Should we just let ourselves pass away? Are there not any traits of yours you wish to see passed down to the next generation? I don't want to be an unfeeling machine but the coldness is already sinking in to me. And I know I can still stop it but only if all of us work together to fill the void of lack of love.

No more crying about event A and event B that made us upset for reason A and reason B. And I am talking here about shyness with women/love-shyness, not social phobia. Regardless I'd think we shouldn't worry about being judged by each other. Who is with me? At least maybe in this thread we can find a way to band together, maybe one day we could meet each other in real life, somehow solve each other's problems and make our way through it together? This could be the start of a very worthwhile journey...Am I being even slightly coherent...?

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

I think your are both right. The main problem with sites like these is a lack of balance. Since anyone on these site probaly havent solved their problems we hear just one side. I mean anyone that solves their anxiety issues probaly will leave the site and move on. So what we end up haveing is the blind leading the blind if that anology makes any sense to anyone.

 

[jamez]

Well if you want to know how to get along with girls and how to get them to like you, this is probably not the site you should be asking for advice lol.

I get it that some of us can relate to certain posts so it at least feels that we're not alone in this situation. So that sort of helps. There's plenty of Don Juan advice on the internet if you wanna search it. Basically it comes down to this though, you have to be attractive enough and I'm not just talking about looks, whether it's the way you dress, you're extra-curricular activities, what kind of job you hold, charisma, humour...it can all add to your overall attractiveness. So yer, work on improving your overall image, the girls will come. Of course it's up to us to make the 1st move as well, though she might show interest through flirting or whatever but then it's up to us to make it official. Oh and a big fat wallet doesn't hurt either. Money talks. Losers walk. lol.

 

[tommydog]

Good post spectator and yes it makes a load of sense. Were do we go from here fearless leader ? :lol:

Tampa Bay your right. But I think there are a few people here in more advanced stages of recovery. When I was a teenager I went to a 6 week workshop type situation for social anxiety, fat lot of good that did me as you can see :lol:

Only kidding. Anyway that was quite a number of years ago. One of the lady's instructing the class was a recovered social phobic. She used to be housebound for 8 years. Imagine that.

Well I always though when I am better i'd also like to stay involved with people with social phobia in some way. Now, my condition is mild, most of the problem id say is no longer social phobia but bad habits developed when i had it. I feel as though I can offer useful advice to others as I have lived with it for years, been through the worst of it, and been fortunate enough to have a good deal of experience in some areas that maybe others havnt, so thats why im here. Not just that, so I like to relate and share some of my problems I couldnt tell anyone else aswell, as fully recovered I am not.

 

[raga]

Check out my post: http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/posts16292-40.html

I've been where you are at, so I think my post might be worthwhile for you.

 

[IWouldPreferNotTo]

I agree with what you're saying. There is stuff out there, though. There is some site called "howtobecooler" or something like that. it's a pretty good site. There is also the whole ASF community. They basically use in the internet to come up with ways to pick up chicks. There are some interesting things there. My biggest problem is just overcoming the fear. Maybe I need to get back on Paxil.

 

[Dave_McFadden]

Re: To all love shy guys etc.

All right spectator, describe how you "chickened out". Were you approached by a woman who was obviously interested? Or did you finally get somebody alone in the elevator and couldn't muster up the guts to talk? Did the perfect thing to say pop into your head 30 seconds after it would have done any good?

Share your experience with the group so we can talk about it. Maybe we can all learn something.

 

[Sebr3]

I am sick of reading the same stories over and over again. What I mean is, I think about the things that happened to me regarding girls, and then I read the posts of men all the way from age 18 to 42, from the US to Australia, all shy, all suffering from the same desparation and loneliness as I am, and I am getting sick of it. I used to think if I saw that many others suffer like I do, it will mitigate the suffering. but it doesn't. It just makes me angrier, more uspet, but also more determined.

What I'm saying is, we are all in this together; we all have the SAME exact experiences in different forms...whether it be we feel we are ignored or disliked by girls, whether it be we felt so awkward on those few oppurtunities we did have and chickened out (which just happened to me today, which is probably why I'm writing this), or that we give signs of rejection inadvertently out of fear, or simply we are not approached and we fear rejection of approaching others, or we begin to simply hate and give up on the whole idea of love.

We are all in this together. So why do we continue to post a multitude of threads on this forum complaining endlessly about our respective, all-too-identical problems regarding women and all agreeing with each other in a circle-jerking worthless catharsis? Why don't we actually band together and try to find solutions? Or to help each other? And I'm not talking about those advertisers who come in talking about some "great" site which teaches you how to get drunk women to have sex with you- I mean, we detail to each other the state of our lives, use each other to experiment, yes, experiment, methods of reaching out to women, serve as a support group for those among us who are too fearful to reach out....why can't we just form some sort of club, some off-shoot or splinter of this website, even if it is as crude as a facebook group or some geocities website?

Do you all realize the negative psychological impact this perpetual loneliness and lack of love in our lives has? This is the stuff of suicides, of homicides! Do you realize the negative physical impact it has on us? Look it up; those of us who are lonely and too shy to date/have sex/kiss end up with a greater chance of heart disease, the body releases dangerous chemicals to the deficient human. After 45-ish the body lets itself decay because we go past the very purpose of life as deemed by science, which is to reproduce and keep our species alive. Should we just let ourselves pass away? Are there not any traits of yours you wish to see passed down to the next generation? I don't want to be an unfeeling machine but the coldness is already sinking in to me. And I know I can still stop it but only if all of us work together to fill the void of lack of love.

No more crying about event A and event B that made us upset for reason A and reason B. And I am talking here about shyness with women/love-shyness, not social phobia. Regardless I'd think we shouldn't worry about being judged by each other. Who is with me? At least maybe in this thread we can find a way to band together, maybe one day we could meet each other in real life, somehow solve each other's problems and make our way through it together? This could be the start of a very worthwhile journey...Am I being even slightly coherent...?

I am only a new user, so forgive me for replying late to this post.

Yes, I agree that lonely guys (like me), need to do something about our predicament, but it's easier said than done.

Believe me or not, I am 39 and have never ever had a girlfriend. I have tried to ask out hundreds of girls, but everytime I get rejected.

What do think that does a person's self confidence?? - It destroys it, that's what. it does

I am not suggesting that you or any other guy who has no luck with women should give up, but you must understand that for some guys like me, it's very hard to turn around a complete lifetime of failure with women.

Anyway, I wish you well in your endeaovours.

 

[Gone]

When i read the first post here i was thinking 'Is he saying we should find a woman and share her?' lol.

But, all joking aside, if some guys on this site find other guys living close, they should meet up and go to out to bars together, work up some confidence. If they fail atleast they won't be alone. Was this a lame suggestion?

 

[Sebr3]

I am sick of reading the same stories over and over again. What I mean is, I think about the things that happened to me regarding girls, and then I read the posts of men all the way from age 18 to 42, from the US to Australia, all shy, all suffering from the same desparation and loneliness as I am, and I am getting sick of it. I used to think if I saw that many others suffer like I do, it will mitigate the suffering. but it doesn't. It just makes me angrier, more uspet, but also more determined.

What I'm saying is, we are all in this together; we all have the SAME exact experiences in different forms...whether it be we feel we are ignored or disliked by girls, whether it be we felt so awkward on those few oppurtunities we did have and chickened out (which just happened to me today, which is probably why I'm writing this), or that we give signs of rejection inadvertently out of fear, or simply we are not approached and we fear rejection of approaching others, or we begin to simply hate and give up on the whole idea of love.

We are all in this together. So why do we continue to post a multitude of threads on this forum complaining endlessly about our respective, all-too-identical problems regarding women and all agreeing with each other in a circle-jerking worthless catharsis? Why don't we actually band together and try to find solutions? Or to help each other? And I'm not talking about those advertisers who come in talking about some "great" site which teaches you how to get drunk women to have sex with you- I mean, we detail to each other the state of our lives, use each other to experiment, yes, experiment, methods of reaching out to women, serve as a support group for those among us who are too fearful to reach out....why can't we just form some sort of club, some off-shoot or splinter of this website, even if it is as crude as a facebook group or some geocities website?

Do you all realize the negative psychological impact this perpetual loneliness and lack of love in our lives has? This is the stuff of suicides, of homicides! Do you realize the negative physical impact it has on us? Look it up; those of us who are lonely and too shy to date/have sex/kiss end up with a greater chance of heart disease, the body releases dangerous chemicals to the deficient human. After 45-ish the body lets itself decay because we go past the very purpose of life as deemed by science, which is to reproduce and keep our species alive. Should we just let ourselves pass away? Are there not any traits of yours you wish to see passed down to the next generation? I don't want to be an unfeeling machine but the coldness is already sinking in to me. And I know I can still stop it but only if all of us work together to fill the void of lack of love.

No more crying about event A and event B that made us upset for reason A and reason B. And I am talking here about shyness with women/love-shyness, not social phobia. Regardless I'd think we shouldn't worry about being judged by each other. Who is with me? At least maybe in this thread we can find a way to band together, maybe one day we could meet each other in real life, somehow solve each other's problems and make our way through it together? This could be the start of a very worthwhile journey...Am I being even slightly coherent...?

Just another thing I would like to add, is that do you think that us "love shy guys" chose to be single??

Speaking for myself, I did not chose to be "love shy", and would love to have met a decent,trustworthy woman to settle down with and maybe raise a family. But when you get rejected hundreds of times like I have, the motivation to keep trying effectively gets destroyed, because rejection hurts, and anyone who saids that it doesn't is a liar.

 

[SilentType]

In my opinion, there is nothing we have to do to change. It's our self-consciousness that keeps us from approaching girls. We all seem to be great people - kind, caring, respectful, etc - we're just really fucking self-conscious and over-analytical about everything we do. The way I see it, most females see this kind of personality as undesirable. I mean, the most confident guys seem to get the most girls, that's the only reason I make this assumption. I think that's one of the main thing a female looks for in a guy - confidence. We simply don't have it.

But for the good news. There are plenty of girls just like us out there. I say we start dating and seeing if SA+SA=compatibility. Every girl I've ever dated ended up ditching me because of my nervousness. I feel like if I had a girl who understood the whole self-conscious thing, look past it, and see all of the good qualities that I have, then I would be in love. I have yet to meet a girl who can look past my self-consciousness, but I know there are tons of girls here who can do just that because they experience it themselves.

Just my opinion...But I'll lend myself to experimentation if there are any chicks on this site in the Northeast Pennsylvania area that wanna put this equation to the test. :wink: haha I'd love to meet you...sure it would be a high anxiety experience...but I like the sounds of an experiment that could find me the first woman who would actually accept my self-consciousness as a benefit rather than a pitfall...

Just my 2 cents on the subject, any ladies who wanna give it a go just send me a pm. Not asking for anything serious, just a date - maybe dinner and a movie or something to see if socializing with someone who we know has the same problem would make dating an easier thing to do. I think it's the best experiment that could be done on this topic...


Peace

 

[Sebr3]

In my opinion, there is nothing we have to do to change. It's our self-consciousness that keeps us from approaching girls. We all seem to be great people - kind, caring, respectful, etc - we're just really fucking self-conscious and over-analytical about everything we do. The way I see it, most females see this kind of personality as undesirable. I mean, the most confident guys seem to get the most girls, that's the only reason I make this assumption. I think that's one of the main thing a female looks for in a guy - confidence. We simply don't have it.

But for the good news. There are plenty of girls just like us out there. I say we start dating and seeing if SA+SA=compatibility. Every girl I've ever dated ended up ditching me because of my nervousness. I feel like if I had a girl who understood the whole self-conscious thing, look past it, and see all of the good qualities that I have, then I would be in love. I have yet to meet a girl who can look past my self-consciousness, but I know there are tons of girls here who can do just that because they experience it themselves.

Just my opinion...But I'll lend myself to experimentation if there are any chicks on this site in the Northeast Pennsylvania area that wanna put this equation to the test. :wink: haha I'd love to meet you...sure it would be a high anxiety experience...but I like the sounds of an experiment that could find me the first woman who would actually accept my self-consciousness as a benefit rather than a pitfall...

Just my 2 cents on the subject, any ladies who wanna give it a go just send me a pm. Not asking for anything serious, just a date - maybe dinner and a movie or something to see if socializing with someone who we know has the same problem would make dating an easier thing to do. I think it's the best experiment that could be done on this topic...


Peace

You have made some good points, and I agree with much of what you say, in particular with regards to having confidence.

However. confidence is not something you are born with, or something you can obtain by taking a pill prescribed your local doctor. True self confidence (in any aspect of your life) comes from three words, they are: PREVIOUS,PERFORMANCE, ACCOPLISHMENT, which simply means that if you know you have done it before successfully, you know you can do it again. Us guys (me included), since we have had no success with women, lack confidence, because you have not been able to attract any woman, and as such, you have a mental "roadblock" in your mind that stops from approaching women or making the first move.

Whilst I agree the guys with the most confidence are usually more successful at dating, this does not mean that women as such make good relationship choices.

As you are probably already aware, many women seem to be attracted to the "bad boy/thug" type of guy. These type of men have a reputation for mistreating women either both mentally/or physically, and for some strange reason women are drawn to these men like stink to shit.

But much of the "confidence" these dysfunctional men project is fake, and many foolish women think that being an abusive jerk is what true male strength is, which all know is absolute rubbish. These same women that date these creeps end getting burned by them and then complain that "all men are bastards", which is a totally unfounded and false generalisation. I bet these same women have rejected lots of decent men, as they were deemed to be "too nice" or boring.

So whilst not possessing self confidence may be unattractive to women you have ask yourself why don't us love shy men possess confidence??

I'm 39 now, but in my teen years, and throughout my twenties, I approached lots of women with lots of enthusiasm and confidence, but when you keep getting rejected, your confidence gets beaten down so badly, you give up, not because you are a quitter, but out of sheer frustration and despair. Also many people say looks don't count, like hell they don't!!!! I have been in, and observed hundreds of social situations where there has been large groups of both single men and women, and I can assure you with 100% certainty, that women will always gravitate towards the better looking men, and will ignore or reject the average or ugly looking guys. Let me put this to you, if there was a room of 10 women and 10 men, and of those men only 1 of them was handsome, and the rest were either ugly or handsome, the 10 women would literally fight and kill each other for the 1 handsome guy (even if he was a dickhead), and would totally ignore the 9 other guys (even if they were decent). I am sorry but many women today are just that superficial and shallow, and to qualify this, I have seen this actually happen many times.

So yes, confidence is important, but so are looks,status,power and money$$$$, you could be the ugliest man on planet earth, but if you have cash$$$$, many women will think you are Brad Pitt.

 

[Dave_McFadden]

Let me put this to you, if there was a room of 10 women and 10 men, and of those men only 1 of them was handsome, and the rest were either ugly or handsome, the 10 women would literally fight and kill each other for the 1 handsome guy (even if he was a dickhead), and would totally ignore the 9 other guys (even if they were decent). I am sorry but many women today are just that superficial and shallow, and to qualify this, I have seen this actually happen many times.

Ain't that the truth!! I thought I was the only one who noticed this. Women always seem to have "team crushes" where they all like the same guy.

 

[Sebr3]

Let me put this to you, if there was a room of 10 women and 10 men, and of those men only 1 of them was handsome, and the rest were either ugly or handsome, the 10 women would literally fight and kill each other for the 1 handsome guy (even if he was a dickhead), and would totally ignore the 9 other guys (even if they were decent). I am sorry but many women today are just that superficial and shallow, and to qualify this, I have seen this actually happen many times.

Ain't that the truth!! I thought I was the only one who noticed this. Women always seem to have "team crushes" where they all like the same guy.

Exactly Dave, and and I am glad that you too have had the perception to notice this.

Like I said in my previous post, I have seen it happen countless times.

 

[Kanon]

In my opinion, there is nothing we have to do to change. It's our self-consciousness that keeps us from approaching girls. We all seem to be great people - kind, caring, respectful, etc - we're just really fucking self-conscious and over-analytical about everything we do. The way I see it, most females see this kind of personality as undesirable. I mean, the most confident guys seem to get the most girls, that's the only reason I make this assumption. I think that's one of the main thing a female looks for in a guy - confidence. We simply don't have it.

But for the good news. There are plenty of girls just like us out there. I say we start dating and seeing if SA+SA=compatibility. Every girl I've ever dated ended up ditching me because of my nervousness. I feel like if I had a girl who understood the whole self-conscious thing, look past it, and see all of the good qualities that I have, then I would be in love. I have yet to meet a girl who can look past my self-consciousness, but I know there are tons of girls here who can do just that because they experience it themselves.

Just my opinion...But I'll lend myself to experimentation if there are any chicks on this site in the Northeast Pennsylvania area that wanna put this equation to the test. :wink: haha I'd love to meet you...sure it would be a high anxiety experience...but I like the sounds of an experiment that could find me the first woman who would actually accept my self-consciousness as a benefit rather than a pitfall...

Just my 2 cents on the subject, any ladies who wanna give it a go just send me a pm. Not asking for anything serious, just a date - maybe dinner and a movie or something to see if socializing with someone who we know has the same problem would make dating an easier thing to do. I think it's the best experiment that could be done on this topic...


Peace

I have tried to approach the shy women before. In fact, shy ones generally have the characteristics that I like in a woman. However, they usually end up getting taken by the 'confident male' or atleast that is how it is in my area.

I think it is actually harder to chase a shy girl because she can pick up on your shyness and even though she sees your good qualities, she probably wants a confident guy to lead her through her own shyness like a 'knight in shining armor.'

 

[thor01]

I would try talking to shy girls, that would be great, if there was a gilr i liked who also happened to understand my shyness and had it herself. However i dont think ive ever really seen one, probably because there all doing the same thing as me, hiding haha.

Someone earlier mentioned its about attractiveness, what if you dont know if you are good looking or not? Because i dont get feemale attention i sometimes assume it could be because i dont look good enough, but when i see myself i dont think i look ugly, how do i know what other people think? ive never been told by a girl if i look good or not, but ive definatley seen people get female attention who imo look worse than me, or maybe they look better than me to other people, i just cant tell.

 

[bulldog21083]

When i read the first post here i was thinking 'Is he saying we should find a woman and share her?' lol.

But, all joking aside, if some guys on this site find other guys living close, they should meet up and go to out to bars together, work up some confidence. If they fail atleast they won't be alone. Was this a lame suggestion?

That is a good idea, it's just that people from a lot of different countries use this forum. So to find someone from the same area is kind of a stretch.

 

[Delric]

After 45-ish the body lets itself decay because we go past the very purpose of life as deemed by science, which is to reproduce and keep our species alive.

Blimey. Where did this information come from?

 

[Twidizle]

ytrtwerewr

 

[freestylemonster]

"But, all joking aside, if some guys on this site find other guys living close, they should meet up and go to out to bars together, work up some confidence. If they fail atleast they won't be alone. Was this a lame suggestion?"

that wasn't a lame suggestion at all! I was actually thinking the exact same thing as you but you beat me to it...I wonder if there's anybody from Lethbridge on here who would be willing to do that...